Husband having a mental breakdown over buying a house
Comments
-
Sounds like it's working out well for you both. I wish people were more honest about it and men (especially) stopped putting so much pressure on themselves. They don't seem to be able to say when they can't cope or if they're feeling too responsible for everyone. All the mental health and suicide awareness around right now can only be a positive thing.
We have come back from Spain now, just because it was never meant to be permanent.(AKA HRH_MUngo)
Member #10 of £2 savers club
Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton0 -
Could it be the commitment. You are currently renting, this will be mortgaged and your responsibility.
Try and get to the bottom of why he feels like he does.
Also what is his job? Does he make a lot of decisions at work? I ask as sometimes that can affect decision making in your home life. Its said president Obama never made decisions about what to wear or what to eat as he couldn't. Due to the nature of his work.
I think that can be true, my OH had a high powered, very stressful job and made difficult decisions every day without batting an eyelid. At home, he left the running of the household, planning of holidays. big ticket purchases and our social life to me because he needed to 'switch off' and just 'be'. He used to say 'just tell me what needs doing, where I need to be and when!0 -
happyandcontented wrote: »I think that can be true, my OH had a high powered, very stressful job and made difficult decisions every day without batting an eyelid. At home, he left the running of the household, planning of holidays. big ticket purchases and our social life to me because he needed to 'switch off' and just 'be'. He used to say 'just tell me what needs doing, where I need to be and when!
Hopefully you didn’t have a stressful job too!0 -
Pretty much every big purchase I make I go through a stage of buyer's regret - whether it is a house, car, flights, musical instrument. I now recognise what it is, remind myself that I do my research and trust my reasons and carry on.But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,Had the whole of their cash in his care.
Lewis Carroll0 -
onwards&upwards wrote: »Hopefully you didn’t have a stressful job too!
It has its moments! However, OH knows I love to plan and research so that isn't stressful for me. He always did his share of housework, childcare and general chores he just didn't want to have decide what to do or where to go or be involved in holiday planning when at home.0 -
I'm an anxious person but my OH is very calm and doesn't panic, ever. We work very well together because he pushes me to go through with things that I would otherwise put off forever (I mean, it only took me 4 years to decide on a new kitchen!). While I understand some people's responses saying that you should back out, you know him best. If he will be fine once he's over his panicking and you think the house will definitely suit you both, just be there, be steady and keep repeating the reassurance, then go for it! It sounds like he's starting to get some help and that's great, but a strong and calm partner can make all the difference too.0
-
Buying your first home is an enormously stressful decision. The mortgage loan can seem like a big black burden which will be on your back for ever and cripple you but in 12 months you'll probably find that life is ticking over quite normally. After all you have to pay monthly rent, don't you?
Just budget as carefully as you can, especially in the early days and keep reminding yourselves that the monthly mortgage payment is no longer going out to line the pockets of a landlord and pay his mortgage off but going to buy the home that you will eventually own and is providing far better long term security for yourselves.
From now on you will hopefully be the owners of an appreciating asset.
Yes, the house may have a few drawbacks but it will be YOURS and not owned by a landlord who can give you notice to quit at any time.
Good luck. I hope your husband gets over his anxiety. Anxiety is a more common problem than he realises. It's better to be honest about it and talk through his concerns as they arise. I'm a terrible person for rehearsing the "what ifs?" It's my way of helping me feel I,m staying in control when I,m getting into areas outside my comfort zone. Talking therapy will hopefully help.0 -
Does your husband have an employee assistance programme through his work? They usually include telephone and some face to face counselling sessions so if that is what your husband needs, they may be able to give him some useful input whilst he organises private sessions or waits on the NHS waiting list.
I feel for you and all the others in this thread who have to take on more of the strain to support your partners. It isn't always easy to support someone, so good on you for working so hard and it and coming here to get advice, not just rant.
I hope you both end up happy in your new home.Debt at highest: £8k. Debt Free 31/12/2009. Original MFD May 2036, MF Dec 2018.0 -
Having read this, its screams to me that maybe your other half may be Autistic, he certainly has some traits.Grayfinch85 wrote: »Hi all,
Thank you so much for all the replies, especially those with suggestions for metal health resources, I will definitely check them out!
After reading back over my post I realise I was feeling very low yesterday and just needed somwhere to vent. He's been so upset and despairing the past two years at not being able to find a house, I thought that if we could just buy somewhere he'd get better, naive I know.
In my defence he's exactly like this with holidays too, he has a big panic over booking them and then once we're there we have a great time - in fact after our last holiday I've told him to leave all the booking to me in the future, it's too stressful for both of us!
One of the problems as well is that he becomes paralysed with indecision. He will worry and worry and work himself up but if I actually ask him what he wants to do about it he'll just keep saying that he doesn't know.
I went home yesterday and told him that I wanted to back out, only to find that he'd actually seen the doctor and talked things through and was feeling better about the whole thing.
I know we've got a ways to go before it's all over and there's lots of things he'll find to worry about before the process is over but last night I had my husband back for a bit and it was lovely.
Thanks again for reading and to everyone for responding
Have a look at forms AQ10 and AQ50 on line it may give you an idea as to whether he is.
http://docs.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/AQ10.pdf
https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 607.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards