Estranged brother
Comments
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iammumtoone wrote: »If you are conformable (money wise), personally I would walk away. The bother will have to be made to get out of the house ideally you don't want to be involved in that. Somethings in life you need to look at the bigger picture and if it will be a small amount if any left then is it really worth it to you.
Does your Mum have any (non valuable) processions you would like? I appreciate its really difficult but could you ask her for them now so there is no need for you to go near the house.
I'm seriously thinking about doing just that. We don't need it .0 -
Patterdalemum wrote: »I'm seriously thinking about doing just that. We don't need it .
Then the information is pointing strongly towards renouncing and leaving her biggest beneficiary, i.e. the equity release lender, to sort it out. If they take on the administration of the estate you would still be due half of any surplus after all debts are paid, although I would expect the legal costs to be much higher than a beneficiary-executor would pay.
If this would involve giving up too much money, keep the executorship and hand the job to a solicitor.
To save yourself some mental work while grieving you may want to ask yourself what you want to do about funeral arrangements when the time comes. Realistically I can't see how you would be able to attend without meeting your brother. If you renounce the executorship the brother will be best placed to arrange it. If he doesn't want the job, you can arrange a funeral without intermeddling in the estate, and bill the cost to the estate which has priority over all other debts (including the equity release), but he'd still probably turn up.0 -
The worse my mum gets the more concerned I get about what will happen.
Are Social Services involved? Both from the perspective of looking after your Mum's health and welfare now and also what will happen to your brother when your Mum passes?0 -
As a separate issue, perhaps, why is the mother afraid of the brother and is there any elder abuse going on? If so, the OP should report this in the mother's best interests.It's not difficult!
'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
'Wonder' - to feel curious.0 -
Malthusian wrote: »Then the information is pointing strongly towards renouncing and leaving her biggest beneficiary, i.e. the equity release lender, to sort it out. If they take on the administration of the estate you would still be due half of any surplus after all debts are paid, although I would expect the legal costs to be much higher than a beneficiary-executor would pay.
If this would involve giving up too much money, keep the executorship and hand the job to a solicitor.
To save yourself some mental work while grieving you may want to ask yourself what you want to do about funeral arrangements when the time comes. Realistically I can't see how you would be able to attend without meeting your brother. If you renounce the executorship the brother will be best placed to arrange it. If he doesn't want the job, you can arrange a funeral without intermeddling in the estate, and bill the cost to the estate which has priority over all other debts (including the equity release), but he'd still probably turn up.
Mum has said in her will that she wants a direct cremation so there will be no funeral and no need to see my brother.
I may just pay a solicitor to do full administration.0 -
Robert_McGeddon wrote: »Are Social Services involved? Both from the perspective of looking after your Mum's health and welfare now and also what will happen to your brother when your Mum passes?
Social services aren't involved as mum is still managing ok. As for my brother, I don't honestly care what happens to him.
If mum does deteriorate, I will have to rely on her friends letting me know as I am not "allowed" in her house.0 -
How on earth are you managing to keep your relationship with your mum going under these circumstances? It must be a real strain.
Do you have to be very cloak and dagger about everything? Does she come to you?
Has your mum granted you power of attorney to assist in handling her affairs?How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.31% of current retirement "pot" (as at end March 2024)0 -
Patterdalemum wrote: »I may just pay a solicitor to do full administration.
Do you have the money to pay for this if her estate is insolvent?0 -
As a separate issue, perhaps, why is the mother afraid of the brother and is there any elder abuse going on? If so, the OP should report this in the mother's best interests.How on earth are you managing to keep your relationship with your mum going under these circumstances? It must be a real strain.
Do you have to be very cloak and dagger about everything? Does she come to you?
Has your mum granted you power of attorney to assist in handling her affairs?
Mum only comes to me. I see her once every couple of weeks. We're not really close as too much has happened for us to have a proper relationship. I don't want power of attorney as I'm trying to have as little involvement as possible.0 -
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