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  • FIRST POST
    • jtr2803
    • By jtr2803 8th Jun 11, 7:55 PM
    • 3,182Posts
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    jtr2803
    Waiting for marriage (and/or a proposal!) - how did you stay sane?!
    • #1
    • 8th Jun 11, 7:55 PM
    Waiting for marriage (and/or a proposal!) - how did you stay sane?! 8th Jun 11 at 7:55 PM
    OK, don't all laugh but I would love (read as I am desperate for) my OH to propose , thought I would share my light hearted desperations with others as hopefully someone out there can sympathise!

    We have been together 3 years this month and have lived together pretty much the whole time so we know each other very well now, due to the way in which we got together (long story) I, and a number of my closest friends, thought that a proposal would be fairly swift but it seems that isn't to be the case! Oh I've hinted pretty outrageously at times , we haven't long got back from 2 weeks in the Maldives and I really thought he was going to do it there but it wasn't to be....unfortunately he also quite directly told me halfway through the holiday he wasn't going to either....he has a fantastic way with words sometimes *rolleyes*. Other than that we have a fantastic relationship and he is my very best friend, he is affectionate, loving, he cooks for me, calls me at work to sing Stevie Wonders 'I just called to say I love you', he delivers my favourite cake to work when I am having a bad day and he often brings me home flowers . Is there any surprise I want to marry him so much?

    So.....after all that waffle....did anyone else have an agonising wait before their proposal? Did anyone else just tell them it was about time they did it? How did you stay sane during the wait? I have a couple of friends who are getting married soon and they all got with their partners after us so I am doing the 'when is it my turn?' thing. Argh, I am so impatient!


    Last edited by jtr2803; 08-01-2012 at 2:10 PM.

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis
Page 1
  • Scotsbride
    • #2
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:00 PM
    • #2
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:00 PM
    I prosed to my OH. The thing is it is incredibly nerve racking you are going to remember it for the rest of your life. he probably just wants everything to be prefect. after talking to my Oh that's what he said.
  • zoeisababe
    • #3
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:09 PM
    • #3
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:09 PM
    Ha ha!!

    This is going to sound even wierder...

    Aron hasn't proposed...nor have I.

    We are getting married December 2012. We have been together 13 years, I am 28 and he is 32, and we have 2 daughters and tbh I was getting sick of waiting.....so I joked a few times saying I'm gonna book it for 12.12.12....or.....I will accept th first drunken marriage proposal on a night out...and he still said "I don't want to get married"

    caused a lot of arguments...but then it hit me... JUST BUY AND BOOK THINGS AND HE CAN'T SAY NO....So I did...the first purchase was our daughters dresses (2 sizes up), then I started buying more and more....we have viewed 2 venues together and been to a wedding fair...and tbh..I think he just needed a kick in the right direction.

    And he has decided we are going ring shopping once venue is booked (hopefully this sunday!)

    we have also been to Meeru island in the maldives twice, and I thought he would do it there....NOPE! lol
    Married on 12.12.12 to the best man alive! - FACT!
    • mazy_m
    • By mazy_m 8th Jun 11, 8:12 PM
    • 648 Posts
    • 530 Thanks
    mazy_m
    • #4
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:12 PM
    • #4
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:12 PM
    ha ha i've been with my OH 5 years this year and we've lived together for pretty much all of it.... I know if I was waiting for him to propose i'd wait forever as I know he never will lol!!
    A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
    • ellay864
    • By ellay864 8th Jun 11, 8:14 PM
    • 3,737 Posts
    • 4,351 Thanks
    ellay864
    • #5
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:14 PM
    • #5
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:14 PM
    We'd been together 5 and a half years before OH proposed. I kept dropping hints but he said he didn't want to get married again - we're both divorced. He said hell would have to freeze over before he proposed. When he did pop the question it was on top of a snow covered mountain in switzerland where he'd taken me for a surprise birthday trip. He knows I don't like heights or being cold so said it must be hell for me...and it was all frozen!! It was actually a total surprise - I had thought he might propose that evening as I knew he'd booked a meal at a very fancy restaurant, so him doing it during that day totally took me by surprise. If he hadn't taken me on holiday I really wouldnt have expected a proposal, much as I'd have liked one, but because I started to think he might (egged on by friends who also thought the same) I'd have been well gutted if he hadn't!
    2016, new hip, new resolve
    • nykied
    • By nykied 8th Jun 11, 8:19 PM
    • 948 Posts
    • 3,782 Thanks
    nykied
    • #6
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:19 PM
    • #6
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:19 PM
    I got engaged this year and I'd been with my OH for almost 6 and a half years. He's been engaged before (as have I) and occasionally I'd have a drunken night out and say he didn't love me enough to marry me. He said he was waiting until we moved in together. We moved in together in August 2009 and I patiently waited until Christmas of that year. Then I waited until New Year 2010. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday (March 3rd). Then Christmas. Then New Year 2011. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday. I was upset that night as he obviously wasn't going to bother.

    Then he proposed the day after my birthday. Who on earth proposes the day AFTER someone's birthday?
    • alipops1986
    • By alipops1986 8th Jun 11, 8:24 PM
    • 664 Posts
    • 1,249 Thanks
    alipops1986
    • #7
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:24 PM
    • #7
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:24 PM
    Hello All,

    I can sympathize, although you have waited much longer than me OP.

    Myself and my beloved have been together 15 months and things honestly couldn't be better. We spend alot of time together in general and even work in the same building! I've never met anyone so similar to me and someone who i enjoy being with so much. Recently, about 2 months ago, we moved in together which has made things even more brilliant.

    We have agreed to get married 'one day'. I don't see the point hanging around really, if we know we want to, we may as well begin plans now - i hate the number 13 so really wouldn't want to get married in that year so that leaves next yr or 2014!! Therefore, I am reduced to wait around...

    The main issue is my parents have emigrated to literally otherside of the world a few mnths ago, so getting in contact to ask permission is a little tricky, altho we're flying out to see them in less than 2 month so who knows? I've seen a ring that i love massively, OH said we could get it and he'd keep it until he asks, but i'm not sure this is a good idea - perhaps make me more impatient?

    He's definately worth biding my time for though!!

    Alipops xx
    Last edited by alipops1986; 08-06-2011 at 8:26 PM. Reason: spelling...
    Married: August 2013
    Moved into our Family Home: August 2013
    Our Baby Boy arrived August 2014
    • jtr2803
    • By jtr2803 8th Jun 11, 8:36 PM
    • 3,182 Posts
    • 6,162 Thanks
    jtr2803
    • #8
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:36 PM
    • #8
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:36 PM
    Thank you all for your replies, it is nice to know I am not alone!

    Zoe we went to the new sister Island of Meeru but the restaurants and villas are all the same! I am so glad I didn't see anyone else propose or I think I may have cried

    I read through a thread on here the other day, 20 questions I think it was called and was amazed at the number of people who will have been toegther for 4 years or less on their wedding day, it does make me worry OH will never do it . In April out of the blue he told me he did want to marry me but then on holiday he said something which makes me think the opposite so I am back to having no idea if it is on the agenda and I don't want to bring it up for fear of 'nagging'! I am 29 and he is 32 so we aren't teenagers anymore .

    In my little bonce I have a deadline, if you can call it that, if he hasn't done it of his own accord by then I think we may need to seriously talk about it as I think it may drive me totally insane!

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis
    • MrsDrink
    • By MrsDrink 8th Jun 11, 8:39 PM
    • 4,438 Posts
    • 6,413 Thanks
    MrsDrink
    • #9
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:39 PM
    • #9
    • 8th Jun 11, 8:39 PM
    We met in 1999, moved in together 2003 (4 years later), I decided I wanted to be MrsD in 2005 (6 years of knowing each other)... In 2010 he finally agreed (just under being together for 11 years). So really I had a wait of 5 years. There was no proposal though - just 5 years of debating the pros and cons of marriage, with me asking if he wanted to marry me lol.

    *edit*
    Oh and I definitely didn't stay sane throughout those 5 years... but it was worth it in the end when he finally told me he would like me to share his name. Awww!
    Last edited by MrsDrink; 08-06-2011 at 8:42 PM.
  • ab7167
    I'm getting married 19th August 2011, we've been together since 19th December 2000. I just got on with it and had the children while waiting for the proposal, they are now 3.5 and 15 months. Probably not everyone's idea of the 'right' way to do things....
    -----------------------------------------------
    The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind
    Getting married 19th August 2011 to a lovely, lovely man :-)
  • jcr16
    why not you propose hun, if you really want it, i don't think these days you have to wait for him.

    As for me, i was very lucky, met hubby in the may 01, instant attraction, by the july we had joint bank account and started to look for a home together, my 20th birthday in the sep he asked me to marry him, and the sale of the flat went through and we moved in together the nov that yr and started planning our wedding. got married july 02. MY hubby is very much when he wants something he wants it there and then and will get it,lol.

    My cousin on other hand was desperate to get married. ( same age as me 30 this yr) but her boyfriend jsut didn't seem to register. she didn't want to ask him, or to keep dropping hint's. she wanted a family but wanted to wait until they been married for a few yrs first. he's a fab guy but he just didn't seem to register how much she wanted to get married. then xmas 09 out of no where while walking the dogs over some beautiful mountains he pulled out a ring and asked her. i think for her it was in the end well worth the wait. they got married 4 months later and had an amazing wedding. ( i can't remember how long they have been together but it has been a while b4 they got married)
    Very proud mummy to 4 wonderful children aged 8,7 and 4 and 1 months. And our beautiful little angel in heaven she will never be forgotten .My children and Husband are my world.I'm a sahm and enjoying every minute to the full even if sometimes it can seem a bit tough x
  • spoonymoose
    I met the OH in Feb 2003 and got together in June that year, we moved in together 2 years ago...

    2003 - He told me that if we were together after a year then I was the one he was going to marry...

    2004 - We lasted the year... No proposal...

    2005 - 2009 - He then told me that he didn't want to propose whilst I was at uni as it would "distract me" from my course...

    2008 - He bought me a ring for my 21st birthday and my auntie thought he was gonna propose and was pressurising him into doing it, he didn't... (He just said the more someone tells him what to do, the more likely he is to do the opposite.)

    2009 - He then told me that once I'd gotten a job after uni and lived together for a year then he's propose...

    Christmas 2009 - found a little ring shaped box under the tree, hidden at the back... Opened it whilst OH was out (I wanted to know!) and turned out it was a pair of earrings... Glad I didn't wait until Christmas day or I would have been VERY disappointed...

    2010 - Lived together a year and had worked for a year... No proposal...

    July 2010 - gave up waiting for a proposal and just thought OH was all mouth and no trousers

    January 28th 2011 - came home from work early as I was ill and had the crappiest week at work... OH was lovely and looked after me, telling me to text me from upstairs if I needed anything... At about 5pm, he texted me to say "aren't you wondering what's going on?" I sorta knew but didn't want to believe he could be doing it...

    5:42pm - OH proposed after 7 years, 7 months and 7 days...

    AND I'm glad I waited, it was perfect, amazing and we're now both in the right places to do it

    He WILL do it in his own time... Rushing him may just make him push it back, especially if he wants it to be a surprise...

    He'll might do it when you least expect it... You were sorta hoping for it on your holiday...

    You've been together this long, it's probably in his master plan
    Last edited by spoonymoose; 08-06-2011 at 9:50 PM.
    Planned our wedding, still planning lessons
    Said "I do" on 4th June 2012
    • becca0417
    • By becca0417 8th Jun 11, 9:29 PM
    • 3,107 Posts
    • 14,372 Thanks
    becca0417
    Yes I had this wait. In fact I could have written your post! He proposed not long after our special holiday no advice really. I tried not to rush him, he did it in his own time. Other peoples weddings do help push it along a bit!!
    First baby due 3/3/14 - Team Yellow! Our little girl born 25/2/14
    • becca0417
    • By becca0417 8th Jun 11, 9:32 PM
    • 3,107 Posts
    • 14,372 Thanks
    becca0417
    I got engaged this year and I'd been with my OH for almost 6 and a half years. He's been engaged before (as have I) and occasionally I'd have a drunken night out and say he didn't love me enough to marry me. He said he was waiting until we moved in together. We moved in together in August 2009 and I patiently waited until Christmas of that year. Then I waited until New Year 2010. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday (March 3rd). Then Christmas. Then New Year 2011. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday. I was upset that night as he obviously wasn't going to bother.

    Then he proposed the day after my birthday. Who on earth proposes the day AFTER someone's birthday?
    Originally posted by nykied
    I get this!! Mine was the day before my birthday...wtf?!?
    First baby due 3/3/14 - Team Yellow! Our little girl born 25/2/14
    • RainbowDrops
    • By RainbowDrops 8th Jun 11, 9:46 PM
    • 4,563 Posts
    • 4,926 Thanks
    RainbowDrops
    We've been together 8 years & are marrying this month.
    Athought there were some points where I thought it might never happen, it's aways been more important that we're happy together.
    Yes it would have been great to have gotten married 5 years ago when I was more fresh faced, but there's no real reason to have rushed it.
  • abis21
    I think I would have waited a looooooong time if I had waited for my OH to ask me in the traditional sense.

    I have a little girl who is 5 now, and would like another child at some point, preferably with not *too* huge a gap in between times.

    So I had always been open and honest about what I would have liked for my future.

    We've been together nearly 3 years, and living together for 2 years now.

    We had to have a few big talks about the future and what we both wanted. And then talked dates and venues etc etc. He was concerned at first that he should ask me properly, and ask my dad and do everything traditionally. But my dad would have *hated* that, he is quite shy with things like that. And if my OH would have got down on one knee in a public place, I would have hated that too - its not my kind of thing at all...

    I didn't want an engagement ring. We found a wedding ring that is unusual, and it wouldn't sit right with an engagement ring anyway.

    If it was me, I wouldn't wait until your 'deadline' to bring it up, as by that point you might be a bit wound up and upset about it. Sounds like he is a lovely man - I'd just try and sit down and have an honest conversation about it and what you would like for your future. Think some men are just afraid of doing it wrong and all the expectations and stuff. Only 1 person has asked how my OH proposed so far - which is a question he has dreaded as it wasn't traditional or romantic.

    I'm 30 this year, and I just couldn't have waited 11 years or whatever for my OH to propose.
    • Stephb1986
    • By Stephb1986 8th Jun 11, 10:17 PM
    • 6,103 Posts
    • 8,405 Thanks
    Stephb1986
    I met H2B in May 2007 we got engaged christmas day 2009 (18 months ago) it did take a bit of hinting he wasn't keen on the marriage type thing after a bad break up with his parents. But I left him to it. Now he's decided on the venue and seems happy we've just set the date at 5/4/2014 we're saving up for it ourselves and don't want to go into debt for it so we're happy having a long engagement.

    I don't yet live with him but will move in soon as we're going to start doing the house up. Needs some modernistation etc. But I do "live" there at weekends.

    Maybe don't mention it for a while like you've almost gone off the idea. When I'm in a stinking mood with h2b and we see a wedding I say "look at them mugs getting married" hahahaha I don't really mean it I just want him to apologise

    Steph xx
  • Robinred
    Aww Jtr I feel for you! I personally am against the "rules" of proposal and big up to women who propose to their men.

    With my OH we basically had a drunken conversation, he was talking about having kids and I said ooh but I think I would want to be married first, then later we kind of just decided that we would, but I was like, this isn't real until I have got a ring. Get me a ring! So he did. Off ebay

    I think it's strange that we feel confident talking to our OHs about all sorts of things but not so much about getting married. I think hopefully this will change and women in the future will be aghast to hear what we went through in "the olden days".

    Also a lot of men aren't as bothered about getting married, I reckon a lot of this is because weddings are so EXCITING to us women but men often aren't really interested in chair covers etc. A lot of those men though aren't against getting married...

    If I was in your position I would just talk openly to your OH like you would about any other issue.
    • vesper
    • By vesper 8th Jun 11, 10:48 PM
    • 936 Posts
    • 4,053 Thanks
    vesper
    hiya some times men just need a prod and a poke in the right direction.
    I've been with my OH since the beginning of 2003 and really thought that he would never propose. To tell the truth he never did officially propose, we just seemed to come to agreement that the time was right and went and randomly booked the venue, and are getting married this September.
    I admit I went a bit insane at times, but then realised that the timing wasn't right, we had no savings and then last year his mum fell very ill and died a couple of months later. That really started up the talk about getting married, but still realised that it wasn't the right time as he was grieving. This April we went away for a couple of days to scatter his mum's ashes with his family. He said it was the way that I got on so well with his family (I haven't seen them for a few years after I fell out with his dad) and his dad started talking to me properly again that made him fully realise that this was the time for us (plus a few nudges from his family).
    A couple of months later and we are in the midst of arranging our marriage, and couldn't be happier.
    The time will come when you least expect it.
    Remember never judge someone that makes a mistake, because in six months time it may be you that makes the next mistake.
    • roses
    • By roses 9th Jun 11, 7:52 AM
    • 2,290 Posts
    • 1,170 Thanks
    roses
    I gave mine an ultimatum - 6 months or its over. I waited 12 years, he told me many times I was the one and he did want to get married but I got fed up after so many years hence the ultimatum
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