Digging my way out

Doing_it_my_way · 21 August 2019 at 7:57PM

I am sat here in embarrassment, and I don't mind admitting that I have forced myself to come on here and confess.
I went shopping.
I was sat here this afternoon and it was raining and cold and before I knew it I had got up and gone to the shops.
I convinced myself that I would stick to the list..................well I didn't

I can't say I splurged but I definitely did not stick to the list

If I had stuck to the list it would have been £12.18.
On top of that I bought ice cream (very cheap) to use up the runny jam, biscuits, roast potatoes for the weekend, wet dog food to mix her medicene in, a block of butter as we were low, eggs, my low fat yogurts which I actually do need and then out of guilt some trifles for DH..only 89p, and some birdseed as I felt bad for the birds...total £10.23.
Then I went and bought things for our holiday which I had planned to take from next months budget so I will still do that

£8.56 including shampoo and conditioner, tubs to take coffee and sugar in on the plane as I don't have any tubs at all.
Then I went to Iceland and bought biscuits and some sprouts, when I got to the till my Mum decided to pay!! So yay they were free

Total spend today for this months budget is £22.41 overdrawn by £7.51
Total spend today for next months budget it £8.56 left for September is £141.44
I should not need another thing until 1 Sept unless it's milk

On a good note I stood in B and M and debated how I would feel coming on here to confess and I actually put back the condensed milk I was going to buy to try and make fudge, I walked back a few aisles to put it back

Thinking about why I did it?? 1. I had run out of margarine so it made me unhappy that I couldn't make biscuits yesterday and DH and DS were eating the chocolate biscuits (no excuse I could have just bought margarine) 2. I think I had a panic that I was out of cereal for me and chips for DH 3. I was miserable (need to consider why this happens and what I can do about it 4. Wanted to get out of the house the same routine can be a bit depressing.
Punishment for going and spending????? I broke a nail while putting my shoes on to go!!! I have stuck it back together with a teabag and clear varnish

Looks a mess but it is holding at the minute

DebtFreeMonkey · 21 August 2019 at 8:36PM

Good for you for being honest and up front about everything and good for you for exploring and acknowledging why you did it! Progress of any kind is progress.

savingholmes · 21 August 2019 at 9:47PM

It's great to use the diary as a motivator to stay on plan - but beating yourself up and wallowing in shame is likely to bring out the rebel in you and make you want to do it more. Tell yourself that you are on a spending or cashflow plan - you have chosen to allocate certain funds to certain pots of expenses / wishes / savings as part of bringing more balance in your life. Create a picture of your bigger why - what do you want to be different once you are debt free? For me - I want a house with land (as does OH) - preferably debt-free and we want to set a better example for my kids... We want a positive retirement and options to retire early if we want to

Doing_it_my_way · 22 August 2019 at 11:52AM

Thank you guys

Yes I spend a lot of time reflecting and wondering why.....
I know what I want I want a future, a future where I don't wake up every day worrying about money, a future where I sleep at night and don't wake up with nightmares or worry because of our money situation. A future where DH smiles with a relaxed look on his face instead of frowning with worry.
I want a secure retirement where money is guaranteed.
It was more shame due to the fact I had to admit I had done it, so actually very good for me as I probably would have just pushed it aside and not thought about it. There has been a knock on effect as I can see the lower balances in my accounts this morning and I don't like it!
I am being really tough on myself at the minute but I think I need to be........only time will tell.
On a nice note, horses are out in the field, it is raining but the met office says we are having 4 nice days from around 4 o'clock this afternoon, oh I so hope so! That would mean the horses all stay out saving on the cost of straw and giving us a rest from mucking out which is what the summer is for. The straw did come yesterday but only cost £35 not £55 as it was a slightly smaller bale, I'm happy

DH and DS very busy this morning so I am sat having coffee on my own as they took theirs back outside with them and a handful of freshly baked biscuits. The biscuit recipe is from an old housekeeping book my Mum gave to me years ago, they're quite cheap to make and the recipe makes about 30 ish biscuits. The only problem I encountered this morning was the recipe says 'and egg to mix', well I only needed half the egg, I pondered over this for ages, I can't waste half an egg!!! So I made another lot of biscuits just to use the egg up, and now I have a full celebrations tin of biscuits,last lot just came out. I don't use the Aga for cooking this time of the year and in fact if it means heating it right up I use my microwave which has a convection oven in it, very useful.
Dinner today is egg mayo rolls, so the rolls are out defrosting and I am in the process of making another batch for the freezer. I let the bread maker make the dough and then I shape it and prove them and then cook them in the microwave/oven.
No change to expenses here today, all looks stable. Rubbish but stable.
Forgot to say yesterday my Mum gave me a bag of parsnips from her freezer as I wanted some but they are not in the shops as it is the wrong time of year! She said she wont use them

and also I scoured the local shops yesterday for something as simple as cake papers, no they only had expensive posh looking ones, I just want the basic plain or flowered 100 for -10p type. So next thing I know my Mum says i've got lots and I wont use them!! Mum's are brill

I've seen a few threads of here that I would like to join, but they are running for 2019 so I will keep a look out and try when they start up for 2020

Although I have joined the Grocery Challenge for September, got to keep at it

Doing_it_my_way · 22 August 2019 at 10:37PM

I've been sat here this evening trying to make sense of DH's private pension. I have NO idea at all.Could be speaking a different language. All I know is he has paid it since 2000 with contributions increasing each year. I have contacted the company to ask for an up to date statement as we haven't seen anything since 2013, (I know that's really bad of me) and the last statement we have is 2003. When we get all that I am going to contact a financial adviser who can look at it and make sense of it for us. We just need to know if it is going to be good for us or not and if not what can we do about it. Well at least we are looking into it now

savingholmes · 22 August 2019 at 11:56PM

I have been trying to understand pensions recently too. Worth looking at where your state pension is upto - as well - can do it within 10-15 mins online. See the MSE guides on pensions and the pensions forum too...Love the batch cooking. I have hundreds of paper bun cases - keep giving some to charity - no idea why I have so many. Can buy them really cheaply at pound shops and HB and similar. Jealous of your biscuit making... that's never been my speciality. I'm good at cakes but was putting on too much weight so stopped making them - love them though.

Doing_it_my_way · 23 August 2019 at 11:03AM

Thanks Savinghomes, it seems really important to me atm to check all our future finances, never really given it a second thought before, although did see a financial adviser in 2000 who started the pension for us....thats something I suppose.
I love cooking and baking, not so good at meals just cakes, biscuits etc...
No change here money wise, going down the fields later to check for blackberries, my Mum is coming with me. I might have to buy pectin to go in the jam as it is a waste to ruin another 6 jars. I posted on a preserving thread and a lovely lady told me it didn't set due to the amount of water in the blackberries as they are very wet at the moment and told me to get commercial pectin. So I will do this, I can't go today but we are going on Sunday to get what we need for holidays so will buy it then.
It's a house clean day today, we have another rug on the floor from the amount of dog fur floating around. Horses all done and ready for tonight, so hoping they can stay out, they came in last night again as it was raining, DH is a fusser lol

Cheese toasties for dinner, and a toss up between cottage pie and chips, or pitta bread with chicken and salad, everything is here as it was meal planned for cottage pie tonight and the pitta bread one day next week, I can just swop the days over, no drama....love that saying, also love the saying 'it becomes leaviwhere' fab, a saying for leaving it where it is if it's no good to you

Small things lol!!

Doing_it_my_way · 23 August 2019 at 9:42PM

Went blackberry picking this afternoon, there were loads

Picked until I felt a bit ill, it was really warm and I wanted a drink, so came back up. Three mixing bowls full, quite a lot. Washed them for ages and ages, lots and lots of maggot things in them ewww. I think next year I am only going to make my blackcurrants in to jam, they are much cleaner, a quick wash, no maggots and easy to set it seems. Never mind, the blackberries are all in the fridge and I will do it as soon as I can.
Pension company responded by saying they would write to us for security reasons in stead of emailing, that's fine by us

Had pitta bread for tea with lettuce from the garden, chicken tikka and cucumber, and a handful of chips each. I stayed under my calorie goal but it felt like a whole lotta food so I was really full and now I feel like I have cheated.
The garden is looking better today, lots of baby runner beans growing, the birds seem to have given up on them but I am feeding them constantly, DH had a look over them for me and pulled off about 15 snails, huge things. Tomatoes are still green but are thinking about turning. I've got lots of seeds and will start growing them as the time passes, first to go in are Sweet Peas on 1st October and will then be over wintered in the greenhouse. My Sweet Peas this year are really slow but were started late as an after thought, I have only just had the first flower.
The horses have been out all day and are out now, the weather is meant to be good overnight and warmer tomorrow. While I was picking blackberries I could see a hornet chasing the horses, by the time I got back up to the yard and 'rescued' them they were boiling hot and puffing, let them on to the yard where they went straight into the shelter and I covered them with fly repellent, all calm then. Summer weather brings it's own nuisance.
Have put 9 bread rolls into the freezer today, it's nice to see it being emptied of things that may have just sat there for weeks and weeks, when it's a bit more empty I am going to defrost it. I don't think I will get much done tomorrow as I am babysitting all my grand babies, four legged varieties that bark

....a lot

savingholmes · 23 August 2019 at 11:58PM

How much land do you have? It's one of my dreams to own rural land

Doing_it_my_way · 24 August 2019 at 8:04PM

Hey, it's 4 acres of field divided into 4 and the yard, barns, house and garden is extra. It's plenty for us, previously we had 24 acres but it all needed water and fencing and no tracks to each field. This property is really accessible and easy to manage really, its just takes time

We don't do livery only keep our own horses.
A very lazy day today babysitting the dogs/puppies, they have all been good as gold and very loving:)
No cooking at all, tuna sandwiches for dinner and ham salad wraps for tea.
No change on the money front other than my mindset. It is even more determined. I've looked at overpaying our mortgage once the debts are gone. We have renewed it a year ago and its fixed for another 4, we can pay 10% over each year if we can without charge. I don't know if we could ever do that but it's motivating to see what differences it makes. It all depends on the income we get each year when DH renews and tenders for new agreements, at the moment its just enough to break even. I can't even begin to imagine what being debt and mortgage free would feel like.....................
Tomatoes still green, runner beans are doing ok I am just waiting for the next lot to lengthen:)
Haven't felt too well last two days so out of having no energy and feeling like I wanted pampering I haven't exercised. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and get back on with it

Digging my way out

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