My son is being wrongly accused at school

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  • How is it going Samrax?

    I have to say I have mixed reviews on teachers. At school myself, there was one teacher, in all of the years, who had passion and enthusiasm. The rest were pretty much like prison warders

    I got three months detention, age 7 or 8 - due to a small mistake in my work book - I wasn't even disruptive - I was one of those super shy children who tried to shrink into the background. Three months. None of the other kids got as harsh a punishment for more serious 'offences' . I was afraid of this teacher.

    In senior school the teachers were like prison warders - make one small error of judgement and your parents and social services are called in and you are threatened with going into a children's home.

    It sounds like I am making it up lol, but unfortunately true.

    I don't know if the teachers I met were especially jaded, but they were over over the top in the punishments handed out - and the racism...

    We had one abhorrent geography teacher who on a regular basis, used to pat the white board duster - atop a black boys head - because he 'liked the way it looked in his hair'...we all used to hate this teacher

    Sounds like I am teacher bashing, but tbf, they did me more harm, than good - and not a lot of difference when my kids were at school

    The only way to avoid this garbage is to home school
    With love, POSR <3

  • Even in a special school I recently had a teacher phone me to tell me I needed to speak to my son about boundaries. My son admitted he'd misjudged a situation and spoken out of turn but to him it was the 'truth' (he's autistic). But I also felt the teacher was acting like an outraged 13 year old and the situation was something that could have easily been handled in class.

    You make a complaint (I did, once) and the governor lied, said I had agreed the situation was resolved (so why did I make a complaint) and I realised there was nothing to be done. I moved my son to another school. There seems to be no way to get justice when something does go wrong.

    I wish schools were different and parents were listened to. I wish certain students weren't picked upon. Yes in normal situations you would expect a teacher to speak truthfully, but they don't, always. And unfortunately a child has little defence then. Its so wrong.

    The problem is that even autistic children have to have 'boundaries' (applicable to the severity of the autism) and very often parents are so ground down by their behaviours that they don't have the energy or will to set them.

    Imagine that issue multiplied by a number of children in a special school and you may have more insight into why the teacher involved you. Boundaries set in schools only work if they are reinforced at home, otherwise, you are back to square one every morning.

    There are bad apples in every profession and teaching is certainly no exception, but if, as a parent, you keep coming up against bad apples then it may not always be the fault of the teachers and sometimes looking closer to home is advisable.

    Homeschooling where the issue will not arise, is also an avenue to explore.
  • "Although, I know for a fact my son would NEVER speak like that"


    Unfortunately, you don't know this for a "fact". It is just something that you believe.
    Despite the horror stories that some posters are relaying here, I genuinely think that the vast majority of teachers are passionate, caring people that have chosen a profession where they try to make a difference.


    This can often be battered out of them by disruptive pupils and a lack of support from parents - making some teachers frazzled and short tempered at times.
    .
  • maman
    maman Posts: 28,500
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    flanker6 wrote: »
    "Although, I know for a fact my son would NEVER speak like that"


    Unfortunately, you don't know this for a "fact". It is just something that you believe.
    Despite the horror stories that some posters are relaying here, I genuinely think that the vast majority of teachers are passionate, caring people that have chosen a profession where they try to make a difference.


    This can often be battered out of them by disruptive pupils and a lack of support from parents - making some teachers frazzled and short tempered at times.
    .

    The language didn't ring true for me. As I posted earlier, the offensive language is what a teenage boy would use not an adult, teacher or otherwise.

    It reminded me of an employment tribunal I attended where a teacher had been suspended and then sacked for calling two boys 'Dumb and Dumber' and then being offensive to a parent. The teacher had never heard of Dumb and Dumber but it was apparently a programme/film popular with teenage boys. They'd made it up. As for the parent, it was a different teacher who had told this parent some 'home truths' about their lack of support. He was a supply teacher who came to speak at the tribunal. The teacher won his case.
  • swingaloo
    swingaloo Posts: 2,684
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    SamRax wrote: »
    Hi,

    My 14 year old is being wrongly accused of a serious allegation by a specific teacher.

    During a lesson, my son was moved to the front of the class, he was sitting by himself.


    Why did that happen?


    So during the lesson, the teacher heard talking and gave my son a detention. My son enquired why to which the teacher responded - because you were talking. My son stayed quite as he decided to clarify this at the end of the lesson. At the end of the lesson, my son went up to the teacher and said, Sir, I was not talking, it was the people behind me who were talking - the teacher replied, no I heard you talking - to which my son asked who was I talking to as I was sitting alone, the teacher said - I dont know! my son said Sir may be you got it wrong? The teacher did not respond. After this my son went to speak with the head of year where he was asked to wait. He waited about half an hour and the head of year asked him to go to isolation. My son got very confused and asked why? The head of year said because there has been a serious allegation against you which they need to investigate.

    My son became very upset and angry as no one was telling him what the allegation was. He refused to go isolation and called his dad to collect him.

    So he refused to do as he had been asked and you find that acceptable.

    His dad lives away ( I am a single parent) he came to collect my son and was very upset to see our son distraught.
    The allegation against my son was that apparently when my son spoke to the teacher who gave him a detention at the end of the lesson had sent an email to the head of year and the school's headteacher that my son had told him to s*** his mum.
    I have not raised my child to speak like that, this is something which I cant fathom, understand, completely beyond my mind can even consider. I fail to understand how and why firstly my son would do that and secondly the teacher would make up something like this.
    Although, I know for a fact my son would NEVER speak like that but I still asked him whether he did, to which he said Mum, you know I would never say something so disrespectful.

    That sounds a bit contrived, most kids would just say 'No'

    Last year, my son was accused of kicking out at a child, the school later found out it was not true - during investigation my son was placed in isolation and also missed out on four days of school. To this date nor my son or I have recieved an apology. My son is convinced that the school will punish him for this or brush it under the carpet again.

    My son is a regular 14 yrs old boy, he is playful and does get detentions for talking or disrupting the class for example talking out of line etc - pretty harmless stuff.

    So if he has previously had detentions for talking and being disruptive why should it not be correct this time.


    Just as an aside, I have a sister with a 14 year old boy at school who has had several detentions and she thinks he is being picked on and made a scapegoat for others behaviour as her son 'would never swear at teachers or cause disruption'.
    I also have a friend who works on the school dinners and did not know of my connection to this boy until we were talking one day and she was saying how difficult the job was and what abuse they got from the students at the school but that there were always ringleaders. I mentioned my nephew being at the school she was working at and at the mention of his name she turned pink and said 'He is one of the worst' and described him as 'having trouble written all over him'!

    So I don't think that any parent can honestly say that their child 'Would never'.
  • suejb2
    suejb2 Posts: 1,918
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    I work in a school and have a 14 year old son who attends another school.
    If you think your son (daughter) would NEVER say or do A.. B...C even though you can’t have levels of wrong you are very wrong!
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
  • ska_lover wrote: »

    Some teachers just abuse their ''power'' - on a seperate occasion there was also a gym teacher who used to give the kids 90 seconds to get ready for gym. And if they weren't ready he used to make them stand outside in their gym kit - in all weathers, rain,snow - just because they coudn't get changed in a minute and a half. This teacher was ex-army and clearly wasn't much cop at dealing with children

    Sounds like a good teacher! ex-military teachers are always the best teachers! They know just the amount of discipline they can get away with. I use to lecture at a university years ago. one of the lecturers was ex-special forces of some description (I assume SBS but he never said just "Leave it at military"). The lecturer was a gentle giant but he found at about a couple of his student's lamping deer we could hear his voice from the other side of the estate.
  • LadyDee
    LadyDee Posts: 4,293
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    Just walk past a group of teenagers in the street and listen to the language! Words they wouldn't dare use in front of their parents. They are just being teenagers. They will often be mouthy little horrors to strangers but are angels to their mums.
  • maman
    maman Posts: 28,500
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    Sounds like a good teacher! ex-military teachers are always the best teachers! They know just the amount of discipline they can get away with. I use to lecture at a university years ago. one of the lecturers was ex-special forces of some description (I assume SBS but he never said just "Leave it at military"). The lecturer was a gentle giant but he found at about a couple of his student's lamping deer we could hear his voice from the other side of the estate.

    That's a sweeping generalisation that I can't agree with. In my experience, many members of the military think that the way to manage behaviour is to shout with a loud voice. Some military discipline is nothing short of bullying. I'd hate to see that introduced in schools.
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