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    • IvyFlood
    • By IvyFlood 22nd Jul 19, 12:57 PM
    • 165Posts
    • 14Thanks
    1 month old baby at wedding?
    • #1
    • 22nd Jul 19, 12:57 PM
    1 month old baby at wedding? 22nd Jul 19 at 12:57 PM
    I am getting married next April (9th) and my best friend and bridesmaid has just told me she is expecting, and the baby is due end of February.

    At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really donít want a 1 month old baby at my wedding. For a number of reasons; my friend would have to have the baby with us while we get ready in the morning as she is planning to breastfeed. It could also be a major distraction during the ceremony if it cries and will probably gain a lot of attention. I know it sounds selfish but itís our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?! Plus is it really good for the baby to be around so many people and in a loud environment or germs?

    She is my oldest friend and I do really want her as my bridesmaid but I just donít know how to get around the baby factor. Especially as we are having a Ďchild freeí wedding with the exception of nieces and nephews who have a role.

    Her partner and Mum are invited so they would be there to help out but Iím really not comfortable with it at the moment. She has already requested that she wants to get changed after the ceremony and I just feel like there will be loads of demands Iíll have to cater to because of the baby. Nor do I expect her to want to Ďgive upí her baby just for my day so itís really difficult.

    I know I donít really have a choice and the baby will probably end up having to be there but hoping there are options.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation or had a 1 month old baby at their wedding?

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    • pelirocco
    • By pelirocco 31st Jul 19, 4:56 PM
    • 7,735 Posts
    • 8,703 Thanks
    Bridesmaid = getting a to put on a fancy frock , walk down the aisle after the bride and smile for the photos

    Really that's about it , it may be a really big day for you , but its just a day out for everyone else
    As you have said she wont be there alone , her husband can look after the children
    I am going to a weeding Saturday where my children and their children have been invited and will be made welcome ,.There will be a few bridesmaids one of them not even 2 , and another one is their dog
    No doubt the horse will make an appearance . Its being held in field , no doubt we will have to fish the kids out of the water several times , its going to be great fun
    Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later
    • kazwookie
    • By kazwookie 31st Jul 19, 5:17 PM
    • 10,972 Posts
    • 130,647 Thanks
    Blimey OP get over yourself.

    Your are getting married, and should want your family / friends / children there.

    What is it these days with child free weddings??

    When my niece got married there was a kids table with colouring / stickers and such like/ Two work collegues came with their small young babies, they were no problem at all, went to the back of the church when one of them started to cry for a few mins, no one batted an eye lid, all too busy watching the bride and groom.

    I really hope you enjoy your day, but you need to let go a little.
    Sun, Sea

    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 4th Aug 19, 6:53 PM
    • 3,334 Posts
    • 8,361 Thanks
    ska lover
    When my niece got married there was a kids table with colouring / stickers and such like
    Originally posted by kazwookie
    That was how we planned it at our wedding - Our only concern was kids getting bored

    Having said that, I do respect others choices - it is their day and money being spent.

    A child-free wedding comes across (to me) as a bit like a show-home. It looks good in the pictures, but it feels cold and not 'real life'.

    Anyway, that is my point of view, and I do hope you have a good day Op, however it turns out, but remember, it is not about the one single day - it is about the life
    The opposite of what you also true
    • welshbabe88
    • By welshbabe88 8th Sep 19, 9:56 AM
    • 83 Posts
    • 42 Thanks
    Just been to a wedding with a couple of toddlers there and a few other children - and no-one really noticed - its up to the mum/hubby/granny to make a quick exit if they start to get noisy.
    BUT - if you are telling the others bridesmaids not to bring their children - won't that create bad feeling if this other one brings her two?
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 8th Sep 19, 10:02 AM
    • 67,217 Posts
    • 394,069 Thanks
    If I were so involved + having the uncertainty of birth ... I'd prefer to be "let off the hook" and kept solely as a guest, without responsibilities. In that way I could choose if/when I arrived - and if I left during the ceremony - and what I wore (comfort/not style).... and not feel obliged to be putting a bride first.

    It'd relieve all the worries about responsibility/duties from now until then + having to worry about if/when I'd be giving birth, how that'd work out and all the logistics of carting babies about for all day events when so new (potentially less than a month old if it comes late).
    • welshbabe88
    • By welshbabe88 8th Sep 19, 11:07 AM
    • 83 Posts
    • 42 Thanks
    Good point pastures.
    You could also just have her as a reserve 'maid of honour' - no bridesmaid dress but she'll be dressed up anyway (and maybe in toning colours?) so if she wants to be part of the entourage she can be with no pressure.
    • PrettyKittyKat
    • By PrettyKittyKat 7th Oct 19, 1:07 PM
    • 1,191 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    I had a nine DAY old baby at my wedding, who just so happened to be my niece. They also had to travel almost two hours and stay overnight at the wedding venue. It was always touch and go whether they would be there as the babys mum would be induced but we didn't know which day until nearer the time understandably. The thought of my only brother and older niece not being able to come to the wedding broke my heart BUT I knew that if the baby or babys Mum was ill he HAD to stay with them. As it happens the baby was born 9 days before the wedding and my brothers gf was an absolute amazing star and came to the wedding. It fills my heart with so much love that both my nieces and my brother were there on my big day.

    Similar to another poster - there was no pressure placed on them (I didn't tell them how heartbroken I would be if they couldn't come!). There were plans in back up plans in place (e.g. my brother possibly just coming for the ceremony and then going home). The baby slept most of the time in her pram, and was silent during the wedding ceremony! We did ensure that they were seated in an area during the ceremony and the wedding breakfast that they could easily leave the room should the baby start crying if they wanted to.

    I really think you are over thinking this. I would recommend speaking to your friend and explaining that you are thrilled she still wants to come and be a bridesmaid and you want her to be completely comfortable on the day so you understand if she wants to step down. Discuss could the partner have the baby in the morning and maybe she visits to feed the baby during the morning (or could she express? She may only know this once baby is here and she's in the swing abit more) and whether her partner could be on standby the take baby outside during the ceremony if it becomes distressed.

    You will adore looking back and seeing the pictures of your best friends and their baby at your day.
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