Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • froud
    • By froud 8th Jan 19, 1:07 PM
    • 16Posts
    • 3Thanks
    froud
    No income at all - help
    • #1
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:07 PM
    No income at all - help 8th Jan 19 at 1:07 PM
    Hi all,

    I don't know if I have posted in the right place!

    My temporary job ended 6 months ago and I have been trying really hard to get a new job since. My contribution based JSA ran out last month.

    I tried making a claim for Universal Credit but my partner thinks going to the job centre is beneath him and says he shouldn't have to go as it's got nothing to do with him. He also earns way too much for us to be able to get any benefit. Due to this the claim was closed down.

    Me and my partner are going through a rough patch and have been on and off for months. I am trying to move out, but obviously I have no income now so can't. I am trying my hardest to get a job. Due to him having all the money he kind of has a hold over me, and that dictates what I do, what I eat, where I can go, what I can wear etc. Because I have to ask him for money.

    ANY money I get goes to him as repayment. e.g. xmas money, birthday money, if I do little errands for family etc.

    I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me. And even so why should it be down to him to pay for someone elses dental treatment?

    I am so stuck in a rut and have no idea how to get out of it.

    I am just wondering if there is any loans or benefits I can get to help me? Just to get out of the house so I can live on my own and have control over my own life? Just until I find work anyway.
Page 1
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 8th Jan 19, 1:13 PM
    • 2,369 Posts
    • 3,247 Thanks
    comeandgo
    • #2
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:13 PM
    • #2
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:13 PM
    Have you no family or friends you can stay with? You are not in a healthy relationship. If you have no one, go to a woman's aid shelter. You need to get away and start your own claim for universal credit.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 8th Jan 19, 1:15 PM
    • 30,230 Posts
    • 77,689 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #3
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:15 PM
    • #3
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:15 PM
    Due to him having all the money he kind of has a hold over me, and that dictates what I do, what I eat, where I can go, what I can wear etc. Because I have to ask him for money.

    ANY money I get goes to him as repayment. e.g. xmas money, birthday money, if I do little errands for family etc.

    I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me.
    Originally posted by froud
    This is an abusive relationship - contact Women's Aid and get help to leave.
    • froud
    • By froud 8th Jan 19, 1:16 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    froud
    • #4
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:16 PM
    • #4
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:16 PM
    No, I am not from the area, only have 2 family members but they both have kids pets etc and said they can't support me. (i live in Yorkshire and most of my family are in Birmingham - long story).
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 8th Jan 19, 1:17 PM
    • 4,336 Posts
    • 11,097 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    • #5
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:17 PM
    • #5
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:17 PM
    Have you no family or friends you can stay with? You are not in a healthy relationship. If you have no one, go to a woman's aid shelter. You need to get away and start your own claim for universal credit.
    Originally posted by comeandgo


    In addition to this is there any family you could confide in ?


    If there is & you trust them then do so & , if you can stick it out, can any money be directed, on the sly, to them for your safe keeping?
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • froud
    • By froud 8th Jan 19, 1:17 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    froud
    • #6
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:17 PM
    • #6
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:17 PM
    I didn't realise it sounded so bad to other people. Thank you I will contact them.
    • froud
    • By froud 8th Jan 19, 1:24 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    froud
    • #7
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:24 PM
    • #7
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:24 PM
    Thank you for the advice, I never thought of doing that.
    • poppy12345
    • By poppy12345 8th Jan 19, 1:59 PM
    • 4,162 Posts
    • 3,997 Thanks
    poppy12345
    • #8
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:59 PM
    • #8
    • 8th Jan 19, 1:59 PM

    I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me. And even so why should it be down to him to pay for someone elses dental treatment?
    Originally posted by froud
    That's awful. He's your partner and is meant to look after you and pay for things you need. This is what having a partner is all about!


    I agree with the others, this is mental abuse. I'd contact woman's aid for help.



    I know exactly what it feels like, been there, done it. I really do hope you receive some help and get out before it gets worse. Don't leave it another day before getting some help, do it now. Good luck.
    Last edited by poppy12345; 08-01-2019 at 2:34 PM.
    • froud
    • By froud 8th Jan 19, 2:19 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    froud
    • #9
    • 8th Jan 19, 2:19 PM
    • #9
    • 8th Jan 19, 2:19 PM
    Thanks so much
    • MarkN88
    • By MarkN88 8th Jan 19, 3:34 PM
    • 315 Posts
    • 146 Thanks
    MarkN88
    It’s abuse - I’d be going to the local police station - from there they will put you somewhere safe. I
    • venison
    • By venison 8th Jan 19, 3:48 PM
    • 2,745 Posts
    • 3,322 Thanks
    venison
    I didn't want to read and run but you have been offered some great advice OP hope you get everything sorted out and can move on with your life x
    Brexit here we c................crash.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 8th Jan 19, 3:58 PM
    • 30,230 Posts
    • 77,689 Thanks
    Mojisola
    www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

    "Everyone has arguments, and everyone disagrees with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time. And we all do things at times that we regret, and which cause unhappiness to those we care about. But if this begins to form a consistent pattern, then it is an indication of domestic violence and abuse."
    • Exodi
    • By Exodi 9th Jan 19, 3:44 PM
    • 123 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    Exodi
    From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...

    Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!

    My temporary job ended 6 months ago and I have been trying really hard to get a new job since. My contribution based JSA ran out last month.
    Originally posted by froud
    Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.

    I tried making a claim for Universal Credit but my partner thinks going to the job centre is beneath him and says he shouldn't have to go as it's got nothing to do with him. He also earns way too much for us to be able to get any benefit. Due to this the claim was closed down.
    Originally posted by froud
    So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.

    Me and my partner are going through a rough patch and have been on and off for months. I am trying to move out, but obviously I have no income now so can't. I am trying my hardest to get a job. Due to him having all the money he kind of has a hold over me, and that dictates what I do, what I eat, where I can go, what I can wear etc. Because I have to ask him for money.
    Originally posted by froud
    Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.

    He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!

    ANY money I get goes to him as repayment. e.g. xmas money, birthday money, if I do little errands for family etc.
    Originally posted by froud
    Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??

    I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me. And even so why should it be down to him to pay for someone elses dental treatment?
    Originally posted by froud
    Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.

    I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.

    I didn't realise it sounded so bad to other people. Thank you I will contact them.
    Originally posted by froud
    Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
    Last edited by Exodi; 09-01-2019 at 3:47 PM.
    Know what you don't
    • _shel
    • By _shel 9th Jan 19, 3:59 PM
    • 1,726 Posts
    • 3,134 Thanks
    _shel
    From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...

    Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!



    Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.



    So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.



    Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.

    He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!



    Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??



    Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.

    I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.



    Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
    Originally posted by Exodi
    God help your partner
    • Exodi
    • By Exodi 9th Jan 19, 4:04 PM
    • 123 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    Exodi
    God help your partner
    Originally posted by _shel
    In case she decides that she fancies being long term unemployed at my expense and I "abuse" her by not being thrilled at the idea?

    Maybe I'll run the idea past my better half tonight, see if she would have any issues if I did this. I'll be sure to remind her that it's abuse if she does.
    Know what you don't
    • Lioness Twinkletoes
    • By Lioness Twinkletoes 11th Jan 19, 9:56 AM
    • 1,399 Posts
    • 4,947 Thanks
    Lioness Twinkletoes
    From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...

    Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!



    Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.



    So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.



    Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.

    He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!



    Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??



    Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.

    I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.



    Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
    Originally posted by Exodi
    There is a general lean towards the "He's a {Edited by Forum Team} LEAVE HIM" stance on this (and other) forums. Often it is the first and last suggestion made. Rarely do people consider the fact that we are only hearing one side of the coin and that it is bound to be heavily weighed in their favour. I mean, rarely do people come on here and say "My partner is really fed up that I've been unemployed for six months and refuses to give me money. I've looked for work but won't take a minimum wage job in a shop as it's beneath me".

    It's baffling to me that people seem to think they are best placed to give such life changing advice.
    Last edited by MSE Tine; 11-01-2019 at 5:02 PM. Reason: {Edited by Forum Team}
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 11th Jan 19, 12:39 PM
    • 1,464 Posts
    • 2,166 Thanks
    pearl123
    Hi all,

    I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me. And even so why should it be down to him to pay for someone elses dental treatment?
    Originally posted by froud
    Firstly, I sorry you are in this awful situation with your partner. Clearly, you need to try and get away from him as he is completely dominating you.
    Re: dentist. You can go to an emergency dentist if you get a problem. Explain the situation. You could also try the doctor and state you have no money for treatment.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Jan 19, 1:10 PM
    • 6,418 Posts
    • 6,800 Thanks
    Comms69
    This is an abusive relationship - contact Women's Aid and get help to leave.
    Originally posted by Mojisola


    See this is a difficult one I think.


    The OP says theyre in a rough patch, on and off, and wants to leave.


    At what stage does he stop being responsible for her financially?
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Jan 19, 1:15 PM
    • 6,418 Posts
    • 6,800 Thanks
    Comms69
    From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...

    Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!



    Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.



    So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.



    Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.

    He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!



    Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??



    Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.

    I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.



    Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
    Originally posted by Exodi


    Ye me too. I don't understand how the partner is supposed to continue being financially available when the OP clearly wants to leave.
    • John G Jones
    • By John G Jones 11th Jan 19, 7:28 PM
    • 92 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    John G Jones
    There is a general lean towards the "He's a {Edited by Forum Team} LEAVE HIM" stance on this (and other) forums. Often it is the first and last suggestion made. Rarely do people consider the fact that we are only hearing one side of the coin and that it is bound to be heavily weighed in their favour. I mean, rarely do people come on here and say "My partner is really fed up that I've been unemployed for six months and refuses to give me money. I've looked for work but won't take a minimum wage job in a shop as it's beneath me".

    It's baffling to me that people seem to think they are best placed to give such life changing advice.
    Originally posted by Lioness Twinkletoes
    Iím probably in the camp that says that there is so much room for interpretation here that no-one can say if the relationship is a problem or not. Could be, but it could be that the partner is right to be getting fed up.

    Being out of work for many months is not normal, and if the partner doesnít see that things are split fairly in terms of money, efforts, lifestyle etc then yes, things may get tense without anyone really being in the wrong.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

4,643Posts Today

9,750Users online

Martin's Twitter