MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

this happens in my husband's family.

all the kids are adults (so we all should be able to look after ourselves, which we do).

but its frustrating to see his sister and her partner being taken on holiday by his parents (because they have spent all their disposable income on computer games) and to see his brother driving round in his flash car when we know that he has had an awful lot of help from his parents with money in the past.

My husband mentioned it to his parents once and was told that we seem to be able to look after ourselves and thats why we don't get the same treatment as the other two.

So because we are careful with money and decline invitations out rather than racking up credit card bills we are the ones sat at home while they are all in a villa somewhere! am i jealous? too right!

It is a very difficult situation to comment on. I am an eldest child and have always been very aware of my parents financial difficulties when I was a teen, something they have since come through. Because of this my parents put pressure on me not to go on expensive school trips and I didn't, I also got a part-time job at 17 (soon as I could get one!) because my pocket money was so appauling (something like £1 a week) where upon that pocket money stopped.

When I went to uni suddenly there was more money in the pot, my siblings started getting £10 a week pocket money, something that made me quite cross as that would pay for my food at uni, and they continued to get it when they got jobs. Also my parents took me on one holiday abroad but then stopped asking and took my little sister and brother to california for 2 weeks, paid for my little sister to go to spain, france and china on school trips (as she wanted to do languages at uni), and paid for my little sister, brother and my sister's boyfriend to go to barcelona (on a family holiday).

On the other hand when I was at uni my parent helped me with 2 months rent (of the 4 years I was there) when I couldn't afford it, and bought me some cupboard food at the start of each year, but I was one of the few students who didn't drink because for a lot of my time there I couldn't afford it (and could only work in the holidays due to my course).

This should make it fair, except the rent was about £500, the cupboard food shop usually about 50-60 quid, so in 4 years that is £740. The california trip alone was £900 each just for flights and accomodation.

Also my brother has lived at home rent free since going to uni and my sister will get the same help I did.

Another side to this is I guess I have a better relation with my parents and I am viewed now as a "third" parent at only 24, but my brother and sister has no qualms about asking for money, whereas I feel guilty about it.
I would talk to my parents about this, but I don't want to seem ungrateful for the help they have given me. Also I know if I got into trouble I know they would help me out.

In the end I put myself at peace with it by remembering that whilst it may not seem fair, there would be no point in them giving me the same money as they give my siblings because I would just spend it, and in the end if I ever needed any help I could go to them and I know they would find some way of helping me out. I would rather they saved the money and put it aside for emergencies, for when I truely needed it.

So I guess in this case I would say that only the sibling in trouble should be helped out, but only if they drew up a sensible plan to help them manage their finances better, and perhaps paying a proportion back to their parents, maybe have it as a loan (but interest free).

http://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/relationships/family/GivingMoneyToGrownUpChildren.asp