Husband told me he is bi-sexual

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  • Thank you all for the replies. I will come back later to reply, we are in the process of talking today so I do not have a lot of time to write my reply at the moment, I just didn't want people to think I wrote the thread and left.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550
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    justme111 wrote: »
    People change their opinion and stance on many aspects of life with time. What is wrong with it ? What is the honor of being adamant one never will? Most people are not that interested in same gender sex but op's husband is. What good for her is what most people would or would not do - she is not in a position of "most people" .

    Exactly. When I met my wife she was very prim, proper and introverted. Over time she has gained a huge amount of confidence. As a result, she is very much more outgoing, extrovert in some ways, and open minded.

    People change, like it or lump it.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,077
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    Exactly. When I met my wife she was very prim, proper and introverted. Over time she has gained a huge amount of confidence. As a result, she is very much more outgoing, extrovert in some ways, and open minded.

    but how would you feel if she asked if she could bring a third person into your marriage?
  • Grenage
    Grenage Posts: 2,897
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    edited 11 May 2017 at 11:38AM
    People don't change - their inhibitions might fade, or they might impose some self restraint, but they don't change.

    OP: As has already been said, gender is irrelevant. I might fancy smashing the attractive new office lass, but I don't plan on proposing such to my other half.

    I'm far too fond of my balls.
  • bugslet
    bugslet Posts: 6,874 Forumite
    Exactly. When I met my wife she was very prim, proper and introverted. Over time she has gained a huge amount of confidence. As a result, she is very much more outgoing, extrovert in some ways, and open minded.

    People change, like it or lump it.

    People do change and some people don't. If the OP hasn't then it's quite simple, he has his fling and she is free to leave. If he doesn't want to be divorced, well it's like it or lump it.

    Personally for me, it would be a line that could not be crossed in a marriage. The gender is an issue for me. If someone is gay, fine, but not my husband who made a promise.

    We all have red lines in our lives and there is nothing wrong with the OP if her red line is to say,d o this and the marriage is over. I suspect that either he will go ahead behind her back or he will resent her. It's not a good situation to be in.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367
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    People change their opinion and stance on many aspects of life with time
    Of course people change...when they want to not when it is imposed on him.

    I'm very open to change, and as whole, embrace it, it's exciting, but expecting me to change to accept that my OH could go and enjoy himself sexually with another person? That's not a change I will want to even consider because I do know it isn't a change I would ever gain enjoyment from.
  • motorguy
    motorguy Posts: 22,452
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    People change, like it or lump it.

    Firstly, the O/Ps husband HASNT changed. Hes felt like this since before they got married and kept it from her.

    Secondly, its not up to the O/P to "like it or lump it", its up to the husband to pee or get off the pot as it were. Either hes committed to the monogamous hetrosexual marriage he signed up to OR hes bisexual and exploring his sexuality with other partners. I dont agree that he can have both, nor should the onus be on his wife to be "understanding" and just accept it.
  • motorguy
    motorguy Posts: 22,452
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    bugslet wrote: »
    I suspect that either he will go ahead behind her back or he will resent her. It's not a good situation to be in.

    Agreed. I think he needs to Man Up and decide if hes committed to the marriage or not. Its hugely unfair to be asking the wife to agree.

    You can be bisexual or bicurious but committed to a relationship.
  • motorguy
    motorguy Posts: 22,452
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    I would be absolutely saying "no, if you want a relationship with someone else, then we separate and divorce and you go and do that. We can have that split on amicable terms now if thats what you want to do OR, if you chose not to but have a relationship behind my back then WHEN i find out, we WILL be divorcing and it WILL be on MY terms".
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367
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    This thread reminds me of the one where the couple had agreed to move abroad after retirement, but then hubby announced that he had never wanted to move and changed his mind and expect his wife to remain in the UK. He didn't get much sympathy for deciding to change his mind to what he had committed to for many years!
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