Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

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  • spoonymoose
    spoonymoose Posts: 452 Forumite
    edited 8 June 2011 at 8:50PM
    I met the OH in Feb 2003 and got together in June that year, we moved in together 2 years ago...

    2003 - He told me that if we were together after a year then I was the one he was going to marry...

    2004 - We lasted the year... No proposal...

    2005 - 2009 - He then told me that he didn't want to propose whilst I was at uni as it would "distract me" from my course...

    2008 - He bought me a ring for my 21st birthday and my auntie thought he was gonna propose and was pressurising him into doing it, he didn't... (He just said the more someone tells him what to do, the more likely he is to do the opposite.)

    2009 - He then told me that once I'd gotten a job after uni and lived together for a year then he's propose...

    Christmas 2009 - found a little ring shaped box under the tree, hidden at the back... Opened it whilst OH was out (I wanted to know!) and turned out it was a pair of earrings... Glad I didn't wait until Christmas day or I would have been VERY disappointed...

    2010 - Lived together a year and had worked for a year... No proposal...

    July 2010 - gave up waiting for a proposal and just thought OH was all mouth and no trousers :rotfl:

    January 28th 2011 - came home from work early as I was ill and had the crappiest week at work... OH was lovely and looked after me, telling me to text me from upstairs if I needed anything... At about 5pm, he texted me to say "aren't you wondering what's going on?" I sorta knew but didn't want to believe he could be doing it...

    5:42pm - OH proposed after 7 years, 7 months and 7 days...

    AND I'm glad I waited, it was perfect, amazing and we're now both in the right places to do it :)

    He WILL do it in his own time... Rushing him may just make him push it back, especially if he wants it to be a surprise...

    He'll might do it when you least expect it... You were sorta hoping for it on your holiday...

    You've been together this long, it's probably in his master plan :)
    Planned our wedding, still planning lessons
    :smileyheaSaid "I do" on 4th June 2012:smileyhea
  • becca0417
    becca0417 Posts: 3,114
    I've been Money Tipped!
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    Yes I had this wait. In fact I could have written your post! He proposed not long after our special holiday :) no advice really. I tried not to rush him, he did it in his own time. Other peoples weddings do help push it along a bit!!
    First baby due 3/3/14 - Team Yellow! Our little girl born 25/2/14 :D
  • becca0417
    becca0417 Posts: 3,114
    I've been Money Tipped!
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    nykied wrote: »
    I got engaged this year and I'd been with my OH for almost 6 and a half years. He's been engaged before (as have I) and occasionally I'd have a drunken night out and say he didn't love me enough to marry me. He said he was waiting until we moved in together. We moved in together in August 2009 and I patiently waited until Christmas of that year. Then I waited until New Year 2010. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday (March 3rd). Then Christmas. Then New Year 2011. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday. I was upset that night as he obviously wasn't going to bother.

    Then he proposed the day after my birthday. Who on earth proposes the day AFTER someone's birthday? :eek::rotfl:
    I get this!! Mine was the day before my birthday...!!!!!!?!?
    First baby due 3/3/14 - Team Yellow! Our little girl born 25/2/14 :D
  • RainbowDrops
    RainbowDrops Posts: 4,674
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    We've been together 8 years & are marrying this month.
    Athought there were some points where I thought it might never happen, it's aways been more important that we're happy together.
    Yes it would have been great to have gotten married 5 years ago when I was more fresh faced, but there's no real reason to have rushed it.
  • abis21
    abis21 Posts: 1,120 Forumite
    I think I would have waited a looooooong time if I had waited for my OH to ask me in the traditional sense.

    I have a little girl who is 5 now, and would like another child at some point, preferably with not *too* huge a gap in between times.

    So I had always been open and honest about what I would have liked for my future.

    We've been together nearly 3 years, and living together for 2 years now.

    We had to have a few big talks about the future and what we both wanted. And then talked dates and venues etc etc. He was concerned at first that he should ask me properly, and ask my dad and do everything traditionally. But my dad would have *hated* that, he is quite shy with things like that. And if my OH would have got down on one knee in a public place, I would have hated that too - its not my kind of thing at all...

    I didn't want an engagement ring. We found a wedding ring that is unusual, and it wouldn't sit right with an engagement ring anyway.

    If it was me, I wouldn't wait until your 'deadline' to bring it up, as by that point you might be a bit wound up and upset about it. Sounds like he is a lovely man - I'd just try and sit down and have an honest conversation about it and what you would like for your future. Think some men are just afraid of doing it wrong and all the expectations and stuff. Only 1 person has asked how my OH proposed so far - which is a question he has dreaded as it wasn't traditional or romantic.

    I'm 30 this year, and I just couldn't have waited 11 years or whatever for my OH to propose.
    :love: Married my lobster in July 2011 :love:

    TTC # 2 since Oct 2011 - good things come to those who wait :o

    :dance: 2013 is going to be our lucky year :dance:
  • Stephb1986_2
    Stephb1986_2 Posts: 6,279 Forumite
    I met H2B in May 2007 we got engaged christmas day 2009 (18 months ago) it did take a bit of hinting he wasn't keen on the marriage type thing after a bad break up with his parents. But I left him to it. Now he's decided on the venue and seems happy we've just set the date at 5/4/2014 we're saving up for it ourselves and don't want to go into debt for it so we're happy having a long engagement.

    I don't yet live with him but will move in soon as we're going to start doing the house up. Needs some modernistation etc. But I do "live" there at weekends.

    Maybe don't mention it for a while like you've almost gone off the idea. When I'm in a stinking mood with h2b and we see a wedding I say "look at them mugs getting married" hahahaha I don't really mean it I just want him to apologise :)

    Steph xx
  • Robinred
    Robinred Posts: 207 Forumite
    Aww Jtr I feel for you! I personally am against the "rules" of proposal and big up to women who propose to their men.

    With my OH we basically had a drunken conversation, he was talking about having kids and I said ooh but I think I would want to be married first, then later we kind of just decided that we would, but I was like, this isn't real until I have got a ring. Get me a ring! So he did. Off ebay:money:

    I think it's strange that we feel confident talking to our OHs about all sorts of things but not so much about getting married. I think hopefully this will change and women in the future will be aghast to hear what we went through in "the olden days".

    Also a lot of men aren't as bothered about getting married, I reckon a lot of this is because weddings are so EXCITING to us women but men often aren't really interested in chair covers etc.:rotfl: A lot of those men though aren't against getting married...

    If I was in your position I would just talk openly to your OH like you would about any other issue.
  • vesper
    vesper Posts: 941
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    hiya some times men just need a prod and a poke in the right direction.
    I've been with my OH since the beginning of 2003 and really thought that he would never propose. To tell the truth he never did officially propose, we just seemed to come to agreement that the time was right and went and randomly booked the venue, and are getting married this September.
    I admit I went a bit insane at times, but then realised that the timing wasn't right, we had no savings and then last year his mum fell very ill and died a couple of months later. That really started up the talk about getting married, but still realised that it wasn't the right time as he was grieving. This April we went away for a couple of days to scatter his mum's ashes with his family. He said it was the way that I got on so well with his family (I haven't seen them for a few years after I fell out with his dad) and his dad started talking to me properly again that made him fully realise that this was the time for us (plus a few nudges from his family).
    A couple of months later and we are in the midst of arranging our marriage, and couldn't be happier.
    The time will come when you least expect it.
    Remember never judge someone that makes a mistake, because in six months time it may be you that makes the next mistake.
  • roses
    roses Posts: 2,330
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    I gave mine an ultimatum - 6 months or its over. I waited 12 years, he told me many times I was the one and he did want to get married but I got fed up after so many years hence the ultimatum
  • jtr2803
    jtr2803 Posts: 3,232 Forumite
    Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences, whilst I am sorry you all had to wait I am glad I am not the only one who feels like this!

    The silly thing is I am 99.9% sure that if I did propose to him he would say yes and I also know if I put my foot down and said, for example, I want to get married in 2013 he wouldn't disagree. I guess I am a bit of an old romantic that I want him to propose :o. Roses, I hope you get your proposal, when I have mentioned a 'deadline' to my closest friends they have all made comments along the lines of....why end a good relationship just because he doesn't want to get married? To me, that's not the point, I know I want that commitment and he has always stated in the past that he does want to marry me so if that isn't the case then why say it? I think I would end up quite resentful and probably ruin the relationship anyway.

    My OH is VERY laid back, almost horizontal at times and in the past has suffered with bad anxiety. He isn't able to look forward to, or plan things in the future without getting in a bit of a state so this may be influencing him. Back at a friends wedding on the 10/10/10 he suggested we should get married on 12/12/12....well that's next year so if he means it we need to get a move on :rotfl:. I did ask him last night about a comment he made on holiday (which made me think he had changed his mind about getting married) and he told me he has definitely NOT changed his mind and will still be marrying me....at some point! To me, if you know that is what you want then why wait? Hmmm, I am quite impulsive :o. I am doing professional studies which will hopefully finish next year so am not looking to rush to tie the knot.

    Men! :mad::D

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013 :D
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis :rotfl:
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