taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Good morning and here is todays posts , before I share and update , it seems strange posting your inner thoughts which are being seen by lots of people from all walks of life , some you may have even crossed paths with , sometimes I feel like I am twittering away to myself and wonder whether I have an audience at all.

It looks inevitable that i will fall in to the overdraft this month , i would have liked to avoid it however it has been a busy month and start of an exceptionally busy period for me , as long as its below £250 ( which I would be mortified at !! ) then there are no charges from my bank

I have a plan for June - I will take my holiday spends and my car insurance from my salary and see how the month goes - this will be around £700 and pretty much take out my available resource

if i'm out of the country I am not spending here , putting fuel in the car and taking sunbeds !!
Hopefully with some sensibility I can absorb these without the overdraft or my savings however they are there as a back up should I need to recoup some of the cost , Ideally however I want to mantain my back up funds so careful planning should see me through

My capital one balance transfer will take care of junes min payment on the nationwide card and when i am back from my holiday I will look at making a payment from my salary - hopefully the usual contribution that I have made , plus I have been making small pence payments to round my bank account down which every little helps

Very is now BNPL only so I assume there will be a min payment and I have £89 which has to be paid by 3/8 so I will select one of the items from here to pay

i am actually in a position now where i consider my payments and try to plan and i can't remember any time in the last 6 - 8 years when I didnt just pretty much wing it and hope the hole in the wall continued to distribute.
I am ashamed to say , I prefered not to look at my account , statements would go in the bin unopened.

Although I am not quite where I want to be , I feel much more in control and am also considering my spends and budget far more then I ever have

From next month there will be no monthly direct debit for car insurance and come July I can switch my mobile phone to Sim only which will save £28 a month which i can set aside for next years car insurance

I am waiting for my account info for an old premuim bond account to come back from NS&I and then I shall be putting my savings in to bonds and starting a direct debit monthly to add to them each month

In money news , my savings are now in prem bonds - fingers crossed they will accumulate some "wins"
I intend to set up a standing order in July where I add to them each month.
The excitement of the drawer and the fact that I have to cash in to access the money spurs me on

I have also transferred £600 on to a capital one 0% fee card for 6 months , my 17.9% APR card is now sitting at £2980.01
I've reduced this from £4650 since March

Although the £600 is just a transfer , any saving on the interest is in my favour

It seems this is going to take some time though to feel like I am "winning" the battle

A long weekend and a bit of caution to the wind with the spends and here we are sitting in the overdraft , willing the next 2 days to pass ASAP

I had a lovely weekend , went for drinks with an old friend on Friday ( £13.00 spend) , holiday shopping on saturday ( too much , this is my penance for taking eye of the ball ) , treat to a sauna , Jacuzzi , steam room and overnight away on sunday - went to the local harvester and thought it only right that i offered to pay for dinner £30 which kind of defeated being "treat" but it was morally the right thing to do

The final few days before pay day seem to be the worse for me - i will have very little left and seem to forget that and spend thinking "ah well I get paid in a few days"

June is an expensive month but I am determined that I will get to the end without entering the overdraft - the fact that it is a 4 week month and not a five gives me an advantage straight away

The man front or rather the plan has hit a massive bump !

We are due to go on holiday on Sunday , along with our friends - its a niche scene ( don't worry im not a swinger ) so lots and lots of established friendship groups all going to the same place with events organised.

I have been sitting on my feelings towards him and certain things that he has been doing that cross the line and are not respectful to your partner of 2 years with the intention of walking when I get home

Until life happens ! Basically hes cheated in the past and I have discovered this , like the silly women I am I have agreed to put it in the past and move on however any contact with the "side" has to stop ! ( women actually lied to me and told me they were just friends - honestly some women do not know the code and will do anything to ensure they still get their quota ! )

This morning , randomly a call and text are on his phone to said women so I have left his house and gone home !

I am done , however we have a holiday in 4 days which i have been looking forward to forever and all of my closest party friends are going on

Myself and now Ex OH have not spoken so god knows what will happen !

He will tell me they haven't been in contact and it was a random call just to see how each other was etc etc however the fact is I DO NOT CARE WHY , the boundary was set , there was no confusion and I know its not a one off but as I said before was getting my holiday out of the way

I hate that people have the power to affect your happiness and we let them !!!

I am so done , but so frustrated - I feel like doing something reckless like booking myself to the carribean for a week !!