Made A Terrible Mistake

anna_1977 · 6 July 2018 at 1:12PM

The wife absolutely needs to know..... can you possibly imagine how she will feel, in 18 years or less when your child wants to know it's dad and voila he/she appears on HER doorstep (assuming they are still together) THEN to top it off it emerges the husband always knew and potentially paid child support for all those years - now that will destroy her. Her finding out now will of course break her heart but isn't it also fair for her to find out what a cheating b***tard her husband is ?

anna_1977 · 6 July 2018 at 1:15PM

Mylife wrote: »

those who are asking , I am 31 , I have not thought about what will happen if I were to meet someone else , I'm sure it would not matter if I had a child

I hope you have a lot of support nearby for when this child is born, I take it you're thought about maternity pay, going back to work, childcare costs etc.

You may be financially stable now but what happens if that all goes wrong, maybe you're baby is not as healthy as it could be and you need lots of time/help.

I think what's happened is totally wrong but if he wants to help grab it with both hands. You don't have to be in a relationship to parent a child

Pollycat · 6 July 2018 at 1:26PM

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

So he was a sperm donor then ?

Or a vibrator substitute...:eek:
I can sort-of understand 2 people - one or both who is/are married to other people - meeting and falling in love and starting an affair, although it's always best to end one relationship before embarking on another.
But I can't understand why someone would have an affair with a married man but not want a future with him.

happyandcontented · 6 July 2018 at 1:38PM

It sounds like a bit of 'risky fun' that went badly wrong from your perspective. Maybe he was more invested in your relationship than you were?

NeilCr · 6 July 2018 at 1:43PM

Pollycat wrote: »

Or a vibrator substitute...:eek:
I can sort-of understand 2 people - one or both who is/are married to other people - meeting and falling in love and starting an affair, although it's always best to end one relationship before embarking on another.
But I can't understand why someone would have an affair with a married man but not want a future with him.

I've got a couple of friends who have had affairs with married men.

They, actually, felt it was safer in a funny way. Neither of them (at the time) wanted a long term relationship (or future with the man) and they thought that nor would the married man. It turned out fine for both of them. The guys were happy with a "bit on the side" and my friends got attention, sex and some fun while still having their own lives. Although one did worry a bit when the guy got serious - for a short while she thought he might turn up on her doorstep with his six kids!

Note. I am not, necessarily, defending anyone's actions here - just saying what happened.

fibonarchie · 6 July 2018 at 2:23PM

cloudy-day wrote: »

Unless of course you planned to get pregnant.......

Body clocker?

I'm guessing this is her first baby. My she's in for a surprise when it arrives

Babies are lovely but they're bloomin hard work, especially for the first few weeks, and especially with the first born. It's a shock to the system. All this "I don't need any help from anyone" might change very rapidly once the sprog is here.

Scorpio33 · 6 July 2018 at 2:29PM

My thoughts:

The child will want to know its father and has every right to. Therefore, I think its only correct that he is involved, even just so the child knows who their dad is.

In terms of the wife knowing? Well she WILL find out eventually, that I can guarantee. But its not your place to tell her. I'd tell him that he should tell his wife, but if he doesn't then there is not a lot you can do about it.

I understand you want to do this yourself (Mainly I assume to save breaking up a relationship), but the child needs to have their dad in their life. It would be selfish of you not to want him involved.

Kynthia · 6 July 2018 at 2:54PM

cloudy-day wrote: »

Of course it happens - no strings sex is not a new concept.

Although your friends weren't stupid enough to get pregnant. For a 31 year old woman you're not very bright OP are you? Unless of course you planned to get pregnant.......

There's a lot of rude and offensive posts in this thread. Two people had sex and both were responsible for preventing pregnancy so can we drop the blame being placed solely on the OP here. Plus no contraception is 100% so they could have tried to prevent conception and it happened anyway. I know many couples who had unplanned pregnancies when using contraception, or getting carried away one night and not, and there may be more than I realise as it's not the kind of thing everyone shares.

JWM · 6 July 2018 at 3:07PM

Kynthia wrote: »

There's a lot of rude and offensive posts in this thread. Two people had sex and both were responsible for preventing pregnancy so can we drop the blame being placed solely on the OP here. Plus no contraception is 100% so they could have tried to prevent conception and it happened anyway. I know many couples who had unplanned pregnancies when using contraception, or getting carried away one night and not, and there may be more than I realise as it's not the kind of thing everyone shares.

I don't think its rude or offensive.

In 2018 there is no excuse for a woman not to take responsibility for her own fertility.

And what if this guy sleeps around? A condom should have been insisted upon to avoid STDs.

Do people really not know that?

System · 6 July 2018 at 3:23PM

Pollycat wrote: »

But I can't understand why someone would have an affair with a married man but not want a future with him.

....and not use protection.

Made A Terrible Mistake

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