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  • FIRST POST
    • Calmfab
    • By Calmfab 30th Mar 18, 5:59 AM
    • 9Posts
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    Calmfab
    How do you split up the finances when one is earning more money ?
    • #1
    • 30th Mar 18, 5:59 AM
    How do you split up the finances when one is earning more money ? 30th Mar 18 at 5:59 AM
    Hi there,

    Hope you can help me because it's bothering me. Would you agree to split the family finances 50/50 and what we have both left is ours to dispose of ? At the moment, we put everything in the main bank account, I'm doing a job which I don't enjoy but pays very well. Yet if I want to treat myself to something (not a big expensive thing) I have to justify it.

    What do you think ?
Page 1
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 30th Mar 18, 6:30 AM
    • 2,589 Posts
    • 4,671 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    • #2
    • 30th Mar 18, 6:30 AM
    • #2
    • 30th Mar 18, 6:30 AM
    Are you Married? If so, i'm for the "all the money in the pot" system, and if you want treats, then allocate each other spending money to do what you want with.

    You need to both be on the same page though for this to work, in the best interests of you as a couple.

    We try and ensure that "our" spare money is split evenly (pensions, ISA's, savings) regardless of who earned the money (tax reasons aside)
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • PrettyKittyKat
    • By PrettyKittyKat 31st Mar 18, 8:22 AM
    • 1,191 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    PrettyKittyKat
    • #3
    • 31st Mar 18, 8:22 AM
    • #3
    • 31st Mar 18, 8:22 AM
    I don't agree in having a 'same pot' bank account which everything goes in and out of. The reason for this is what you say, if you want to treat yourself to something you shouldn't have the justify it! Myself and my partner also like to spend our money on different things. I like to save for nights away with friends, he likes to buy expensive clothing. As we are using our 'own' money there is no risk of resentment over what the funds are spent on. I also want to buy my partner gifts with my own money, not his!

    We a joint account that all our bills come out of and we make provisions for joint savings from (for things such as holidays, the childrens Christmas gifts etc). Each month we both put a set amount in, which we agreed together. Initially we earnt around the same so we put the same in, however I then changed jobs to start a new career and I am now earning less so we reduced my contribution in line with this. I am working on increasing my pay so that my contribution can increase back to being level.

    Given your current set it is already to have everything paid into the same account then Sea Shell's suggestion of paying yourselves an allowance from the pot each month would be the simplest. It is up to you as a couple what amount you decide is fair (both have the same, or you get a little bit more due to higher earning, but that would have to be on the basis that if your partner pay increased so would his amount or if yours decreased so would your amount).
    • FreddieFrugal
    • By FreddieFrugal 1st Apr 18, 5:37 AM
    • 1,705 Posts
    • 1,816 Thanks
    FreddieFrugal
    • #4
    • 1st Apr 18, 5:37 AM
    • #4
    • 1st Apr 18, 5:37 AM
    All of our income goes in to one main account which pays everything.

    That works fine when you and your partner agree on spending.

    We do everything together - we don't really have much in the way of individual spending.

    We just buy things when we 'need' them, I can't remember the last time I bought something that was just purely for myself on a whim.

    Everything goes on the children now!
    Mortgage remaining: £42,260 of £77,000 (2.59% til 03/18 - 2.09% til 03/23)

    Savings target June 18 - £22,281.99 / £25,000
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 1st Apr 18, 6:49 AM
    • 20,564 Posts
    • 34,393 Thanks
    Spendless
    • #5
    • 1st Apr 18, 6:49 AM
    • #5
    • 1st Apr 18, 6:49 AM
    When our children were small and only DH worked. Neither of us would ever have spent more than say £50 without talking to the other one about it first.

    We both knew the income into the household and the outgoings and how much was 'spare'. There was enough money over for small treats but anything larger was discussed first, to see if it was really needed, could be compromised on or the purchase put off till a later date. We'd also discuss potential 'red flag' situations coming up, like if my car would get through it's MOT or when DH needed to replace his work suits.

    What are your circs? Are you married? Do you have children?
    • borkid
    • By borkid 1st Apr 18, 7:43 AM
    • 2,196 Posts
    • 4,682 Thanks
    borkid
    • #6
    • 1st Apr 18, 7:43 AM
    • #6
    • 1st Apr 18, 7:43 AM
    When we were less well off and the children were small all the money went into one pot. All bills and savings ( rainy day, holiday etc) went out of this then what was felt was split equally between the two of us and could go into separate accounts.

    Now retired OH pays all bills from his company pension , I keep both my pensions ( state and works) and he keeps remains of his pension. Works out about even. Anything big we tend to buy individually, whoever has the money most accesible. I tend to pay for the few holidays we have and bought the garage doors when replaced. The drive needs resurfacing in the near future and I suspect he'll pay for that. All the accounts are actually joint but that's so we don't need to take out power of attorney to access the money if necessary. I don't use/ look at 'his accounts similarly he with mine.

    It depends on what stage in life you are really and what works for you but if you think of your partner first and have a similar attitude to money it should work out.
    • Sammy Dexter
    • By Sammy Dexter 4th Apr 18, 6:49 AM
    • 5 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Sammy Dexter
    • #7
    • 4th Apr 18, 6:49 AM
    Going 50/50
    • #7
    • 4th Apr 18, 6:49 AM
    We will have been married for 50 yrs in May 2019. When first married my husband earned more than twice as much as me (£12 pw). As my career progressed my salary overtook his and by the time I retired I was earning considerably more than him and able to retire with a generous pension. Access to joint income has never been an issue for us. From the first day of our marriage, with no discussion needed, our joint income has been ‘ours’. We have joint bank accounts, debit and credit cards, and each holds a small investment of equal value. Neither needs permission from the other to buy something although we do, of course, talk about larger outlays. My husband ‘doesn’t do shopping’ and relies on me to buy all, and I mean all, of his clothing. I love shopping and bargain hunting and if I see something he will like , and I can afford it, I buy it. My husband draws a small amount (his choice) of ‘spending money’ from the bank on a monthly basis and anything else we buy or pay for comes from ‘our’ income. I remember my very dominant Dad handing over his wage packet to my Mum, who paid the bills, etc, after extracting a very modest sum for his ‘pocket money’. He worked a 56 hr shift as a fireman, and part-time as a window cleaner, to make ends meet. They never argued about money though with three children, there was very little of it. I cannot imagine being in a relationship where the husband or wife withheld money from the other in the way described. I couldn’t love, like or live with someone like that. I think the suggestion that you divorce and split assets should be given serious consideration. Good luck.
    • Wobblydeb
    • By Wobblydeb 4th Apr 18, 1:38 PM
    • 1,022 Posts
    • 1,474 Thanks
    Wobblydeb
    • #8
    • 4th Apr 18, 1:38 PM
    • #8
    • 4th Apr 18, 1:38 PM
    Since living together we have always put in the same % of our income - not necessarily the same amount. Our salary goes into our individual accounts first and then 75% of take home pay gets transferred into the joint account.

    So the higher earner contributes more to the joint pot, but they do have more left for themselves. However our earnings are not radically different, and the higher earner has changed since I reduced my hours

    To be honest, now that we've got a child we look at the long term more as a family than as individuals. We have talked about putting everything into one pot, so that I can better plan our savings and investments.
    I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
    • millysg1
    • By millysg1 6th Apr 18, 9:41 PM
    • 503 Posts
    • 1,668 Thanks
    millysg1
    • #9
    • 6th Apr 18, 9:41 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Apr 18, 9:41 PM
    We!!!8217;ve always been a joint pot couple. Everything goes to a joint account, bills come out, I move money to saving accounts every month with left over money for spending. We have a sort of monthly pocket money to spend on ourselves but we don!!!8217;t keep a close track of it and if we do go over a little I!!!8217;ll just transfer money from savings. My OH can buy what he wants for everyday spending, e.g. clothes, records, hobby stuff and anything bigger that would need to come out of savings is generally discussed. But I may book a weekend away with friends and that doesn!!!8217;t generally get discussed. Same if he did. We are very on top of our money tho. And are keen to save wherever possible and have equal views on spending money on luxury items. Because outer views are so similar I think this works.

    We!!!8217;ve always done this because who earns more has fluctuated a lot. To start with I was at uni and OH worked so he paid more, then I worked and he went to college so I paid more, then he has good job and I go on maternity leave, I return to work etc etc.

    If it wasn!!!8217;t all in one pot this would get so complicated. I don!!!8217;t believe one should suffer and have less money while the other is training to improve job prospects or on maternity leave. If for the good of the family and a joint pursuit.

    Everyone is different though, we are lucky that are spending habits are very similar and we aren!!!8217;t big spenders without planning it In adavsnced but we don!!!8217;t hold each other back from buying things we really want.
    • Mrs Arthur Crown
    • By Mrs Arthur Crown 30th Mar 19, 4:11 PM
    • 128 Posts
    • 104 Thanks
    Mrs Arthur Crown
    My husband and I have separate current accounts and a joint account. It used to be the case that everything went into the joint account and we had a standing order set up so that each of us gets "pocket money" paid into our own accounts each month. Circumstances have changed slightly now, but our system is roughly the same. We review how it's working it very regularly but it's roughly worked out as 60% left in the joint account for spending which benefits us all (housekeeping - bills, food, etc), and 15% each for "pocket money" and the other 10% to savings. At the very least, if either of us wants to surprise the other, the surprise isn't spoiled when I check the account (yes, it's always me who checks it!!!!).

    Joint account covers most things as neither of us are big spenders, and if one of us wanted something expensive, we'd discuss it and it would probably come out of joint anyway. Our son's pocket money also comes out of the joint account, and that's not a set amount each month (there's a minimum, and he can earn more if he wants to be less lazy).
    Last edited by Mrs Arthur Crown; 30-03-2019 at 4:12 PM. Reason: Just adding a bit.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 1st Apr 19, 1:52 PM
    • 7,588 Posts
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    TBagpuss
    I don't think there is a single right answr.

    One option might be to work out your budget (icluding things like payments into joint savings) and try to include provision for some 'fun money' for each of you, which goes into your respecive sole accounts and which you can each spend as you like.

    That way, neither of you has to justity to the other what you are spoending your personal 'fun money' on.

    It also sounds as though you might benefit from talking more about how you approach money. Why does your partner want you to justiy even small spends? Is it becuase they are worried that you (as a family) won't be able to afford the essentials (bearing in mind they may feel the need to check even if you are no longer in that position, if you or they have lived hand-to-mouth in the past) Is it that they want things to be fair and feel you shouldn't spend money unless they get to do the same?
    Do they feel that they can't spend without your consent, so feel you should ask them before spending money on non-essentials?
    Last edited by TBagpuss; 02-04-2019 at 10:51 AM.
    • pjcox2005
    • By pjcox2005 1st Apr 19, 2:05 PM
    • 646 Posts
    • 728 Thanks
    pjcox2005
    I don't agree in having a 'same pot' bank account which everything goes in and out of. The reason for this is what you say, if you want to treat yourself to something you shouldn't have the justify it! Myself and my partner also like to spend our money on different things. I like to save for nights away with friends, he likes to buy expensive clothing. As we are using our 'own' money there is no risk of resentment over what the funds are spent on. I also want to buy my partner gifts with my own money, not his!

    We a joint account that all our bills come out of and we make provisions for joint savings from (for things such as holidays, the childrens Christmas gifts etc). Each month we both put a set amount in, which we agreed together. Initially we earnt around the same so we put the same in, however I then changed jobs to start a new career and I am now earning less so we reduced my contribution in line with this. I am working on increasing my pay so that my contribution can increase back to being level.

    Given your current set it is already to have everything paid into the same account then Sea Shell's suggestion of paying yourselves an allowance from the pot each month would be the simplest. It is up to you as a couple what amount you decide is fair (both have the same, or you get a little bit more due to higher earning, but that would have to be on the basis that if your partner pay increased so would his amount or if yours decreased so would your amount).
    Originally posted by PrettyKittyKat


    We go joint account, but agree no right answer and depends on individuals involved. One reason for example would be to protect if one is really bad with finances or potential addiction.


    I'm just curious on this post of having separate as you want to treat yourself no guilt or buy a present out of your money. Surely if your contribution goes down due to income changing so your partner picks up the balance then they're effectively subsidising that spending so it's joint money anyway.
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 7th Apr 19, 7:18 PM
    • 1,389 Posts
    • 2,126 Thanks
    Mnd
    We lump all the money together and live from there.my wife does have some money of her own to buy the bits she needsn I dont, mainly cos I dont buy anything. But if I need growbags or a pint, I just buy it.neither of us needs to justify what we spend. we both trust each other
    • El8482
    • By El8482 21st Apr 19, 8:20 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    El8482
    Hi. All the money in the pot is how my parents taught me and we do this in our family. Even if I dont work now and babysitting our baby I dont have to ask hubby to treat myself or if I need guy smth pricey, so just tell him and he never say no. So, I say it depends on your mind.
    • JGB1955
    • By JGB1955 21st Apr 19, 8:32 PM
    • 351 Posts
    • 391 Thanks
    JGB1955
    Married for more than 40 years and have always had separate sole accounts (for salary / child allowance / savings interest etc etc,) plus a joint account for household expenses. The ratios paid into the joint account have changed over the years and currently my husband pays £600 p.m. in and I pay for all the food There is NO way I would want to pool all our money into one account.. .I make my own financial decisions and spend MY money on what I want.
    • Elise1912
    • By Elise1912 22nd Apr 19, 7:54 PM
    • 53 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Elise1912
    I would say both contribute a proportion of your income after tax. eg. both put in 60% of your income each month. If your partner earns more, he contributes more. Then you both have some money left over in your own accounts to spend as you wish once mortgage, bills, food etc taken care of.
    • TomokoAdhami
    • By TomokoAdhami 26th Apr 19, 7:35 AM
    • 43 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    TomokoAdhami
    I don't know what kind of plannings are made by married couples. But as an elder sister of school and university going brother and sister, I pay fees on behalf of my mother whenever she has short of budget. We don't divide the expenses and bills equally or with the help of any specific plan but we lower our luxuries whenever we feel it is out of budget. Savings are also a part of my money budgeting doesn't matter either we are fulfilling our wants, but yes after needs, you prefer to savings. On the other hand, sometimes, it hurts that why you are not doing 50/50 or according to your personal expenses but for me, family comes first, and we should do this kind of scarifies to get a certificate of living as a "human". So, don't lose heart, you will get more if you are paying more.

    To cope with such things I only believe in Karma.
    • Samac
    • By Samac 1st May 19, 8:57 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Samac
    We have our own sep bank accounts that our wages go in, we also have a separate current account that all the bills come out of I put in so much for the bills etc and he pays the mortgage, if there is a big outlay I ask him to put in X amount to cover it as he earns more than me, he likes expensive clothes and always pays for them out his bank account and if I want anything I buy it out of mine but its all our money, we joke when we eat out who is paying but it makes no difference, all the money we have is ours anyway and goes mainly towards the home, kids etc but we can afford to buy our own treats and gifts for each other rather than it come out of the 'house' money, never gets questioned by either, maybe have sep wages accounts as well as a joint house one
    • anto164
    • By anto164 24th May 19, 8:06 PM
    • 159 Posts
    • 81 Thanks
    anto164
    We have our own accounts, but we say, have £200 a month for your own spends, then everythingelse goes in the joint acct.
    • PrettyKittyKat
    • By PrettyKittyKat 25th May 19, 11:38 AM
    • 1,191 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    PrettyKittyKat
    We go joint account, but agree no right answer and depends on individuals involved. One reason for example would be to protect if one is really bad with finances or potential addiction.


    I'm just curious on this post of having separate as you want to treat yourself no guilt or buy a present out of your money. Surely if your contribution goes down due to income changing so your partner picks up the balance then they're effectively subsidising that spending so it's joint money anyway.
    Originally posted by pjcox2005
    No, in that instance my partners contribution stayed the same, we just adjusted our household budget accordingly (we were saving a very high amount each month for a wedding which was then paid!). My contribution also didn't reduced by the amount my income reduced (IE my income reduced by £550 per month and my contribution reduced by £400) so my 'spare' money is still lower than my partners but I personally feel that is appropriate as I earn less. Likewise if I choose to have a cheaper car so I have more 'free' money to spend on other things I should benefit from that not my partner as it's my sacrifice (although personally cars don't bother me so I don't feel like it's a sacrifice haha). It's more so for me about having control over your own money. Some months I will barely spend a penny because I know the next month I have alot of social plans I don't want to miss out on, and with my own account there is no risk of anyone else spending it! I'd be pretty peeved if we had a joint account and I was lowering my spending to afford something the next month and then my husband spent it. Of course that can be avoided by continually talking about money and what's in the bank account - but for us that isn't a fun dinnertime chat!

    It would be easier if 'one size fits all' but I suppose it really is about understanding how you work as a couple and what fits best for you.
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