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  • FIRST POST
    • robowen
    • By robowen 4th Feb 06, 6:47 PM
    • 2,970Posts
    • 1,725Thanks
    robowen
    Beethoven Joke.
    • #1
    • 4th Feb 06, 6:47 PM
    Beethoven Joke. 4th Feb 06 at 6:47 PM
    A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
    By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

    By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
    .
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    "He's decomposing!"


    rob
    If only everything in life was as reliable...AS ME !!
    robowen 5/6/2005©

    ''Never take an idiot anywhere with you. You'll always find one when you get there.''
Page 316
    • Wizard of Id
    • By Wizard of Id 1st Jun 18, 7:49 AM
    • 5,491 Posts
    • 18,399 Thanks
    Wizard of Id
    As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
    Originally posted by welshbookworm
    wish I could thank that 100 times

    (stealing it )
    • Sleazy
    • By Sleazy 7th Jun 18, 10:16 AM
    • 18,518 Posts
    • 39,686 Thanks
    Sleazy
    Here is The Weather Forecast :

    "Following an explosion at the Japanese Car Manufactory, it will be raining Datsun Cogs"


    (Seen on another thread last year and unashamedly plagiarised)
    Weekly Distance Walked 30km / Total For Year 1162 km

    I reserve the right to Bremain a Breleaver!
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 7th Jun 18, 10:18 AM
    • 2,443 Posts
    • 8,852 Thanks
    Oakdene
    What's the difference between Snowmen & Snow-women?




    Snowballs!!
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.


    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 8th Jun 18, 7:24 AM
    • 27,306 Posts
    • 38,074 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    Here is The Weather Forecast :

    "Following an explosion at the Japanese Car Manufactory, it will be raining Datsun Cogs"


    (Seen on another thread last year and unashamedly plagiarised)
    Originally posted by Sleazy
    I wonder if your favorite opera song is Nissan Dorma?
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 17th Jun 18, 4:02 PM
    • 27,306 Posts
    • 38,074 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    My DD's boyfriend told her about his racing snail, she asked if it would have gone faster without its shell. No he replied it would be more sluggish.
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 17th Jun 18, 5:12 PM
    • 40,783 Posts
    • 151,368 Thanks
    Pyxis
    my dd's boyfriend told her about his racing snail, she asked if it would have gone faster without its shell. No he replied it would be more sluggish.
    Originally posted by peter_the_piper






    ....anti capitals rule
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Sleazy
    • By Sleazy 4th Jul 18, 2:26 PM
    • 18,518 Posts
    • 39,686 Thanks
    Sleazy
    What did the constipated pirate's parrot say every morning .....



    "Faeces at eight, faeces at eight ......."
    Weekly Distance Walked 30km / Total For Year 1162 km

    I reserve the right to Bremain a Breleaver!
    • Sleazy
    • By Sleazy 15th Jul 18, 1:49 PM
    • 18,518 Posts
    • 39,686 Thanks
    Sleazy
    How do snails get from A to B?


    Via a Snailway Track
    Weekly Distance Walked 30km / Total For Year 1162 km

    I reserve the right to Bremain a Breleaver!
    • Fruitcake
    • By Fruitcake 23rd Jul 18, 11:35 PM
    • 40,638 Posts
    • 90,226 Thanks
    Fruitcake
    What did the constipated pirate's parrot say every morning .....



    "Faeces at eight, faeces at eight ......."
    Originally posted by Sleazy
    What is a seventeen letter word, beginning and ending in N, and meaning the same as constipation?































    NnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnN.
    I married my cousin. I had to...
    I don't have a sister.

    All my screwdrivers are cordless.
    "You're Safety Is My Primary Concern Dear" - Laks
    • NaughtiusMaximus
    • By NaughtiusMaximus 24th Jul 18, 3:31 PM
    • 2,114 Posts
    • 5,222 Thanks
    NaughtiusMaximus
    I picked up a hitch-hiker last night. He seemed surprised that I`d pick up a stranger and asked "Thanks but why would you pick me up.? How do you know I`m not a serial killer"?

    I told him the chances of two serial killers being in the same car would be astronomical.
    Last edited by NaughtiusMaximus; 13-08-2018 at 2:06 PM.
    • welshbookworm
    • By welshbookworm 16th Aug 18, 12:38 PM
    • 2,666 Posts
    • 6,889 Thanks
    welshbookworm
    Is your refrigerator running?

    Well you'd better catch it before it gets away!
    Last edited by welshbookworm; 16-08-2018 at 4:44 PM.
    The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
    • oldhand
    • By oldhand 24th Aug 18, 3:56 PM
    • 3,385 Posts
    • 7,431 Thanks
    oldhand
    "I'm just going out mum" "your not going out wearing that mini skirt" "But mum why not?" "Because your balls are showing Malcom"...
    • Head The Ball
    • By Head The Ball 5th Sep 18, 12:54 PM
    • 3,610 Posts
    • 9,428 Thanks
    Head The Ball
    I've just discovered an origami porn channel.

    Sadly it's only on paper view.
    • NaughtiusMaximus
    • By NaughtiusMaximus 11th Sep 18, 2:01 PM
    • 2,114 Posts
    • 5,222 Thanks
    NaughtiusMaximus
    There's a distinct lack of drummer jokes on this thread

    What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
    Drool

    What's the difference between a drummer and a chiropodist?
    A chiropodist bucks up your feet

    Why are drummers no good at opening doors?
    They can never find the right key and they don't know when to come in
    • Durham andrew
    • By Durham andrew 2nd Nov 18, 4:59 PM
    • 40 Posts
    • 53 Thanks
    Durham andrew
    What’s red and bad for your teeth


    A brick
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 12th Nov 18, 7:55 AM
    • 27,306 Posts
    • 38,074 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    Where does Tarzan get all his clothes?










    A Jungle Sale.
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
    • Fonque
    • By Fonque 24th Nov 18, 9:06 PM
    • 45 Posts
    • 123 Thanks
    Fonque
    Q: What's a phobia of chain saws called?




    A: Common sense.
    Do not make any sudden moves.
    • Philycheesesteak
    • By Philycheesesteak 26th Nov 18, 2:02 PM
    • 839 Posts
    • 1,528 Thanks
    Philycheesesteak
    How many Brexiteers does it take to change a lightbulb
    How many Brexiteers does it take to change a lightbulb
    One to promise a "Brighter future" the rest to screw it up
    Last edited by Philycheesesteak; 26-11-2018 at 2:23 PM. Reason: Title
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 15th Dec 18, 7:03 PM
    • 27,306 Posts
    • 38,074 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    Two brothers, one 3 and the other 6,were talking in their bedroom. The older one says that they should learn to swear. Ok says the 3yr old, tomorrow.
    At breakfast the older one was asked by their mother what he wanted for breakfast.

    Crunchy nut loops b**ch, the mother looked at him and smack was her reply. She then asked the younger one what he wanted.
    Not f*****g crunchy nut loops, that's for sure.
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
    • Wizard of Id
    • By Wizard of Id 20th Dec 18, 5:23 PM
    • 5,491 Posts
    • 18,399 Thanks
    Wizard of Id
    I heard a cat crying outside so I opened the door and saw four blokes in Man United shirts playing football with it.

    I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up.
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