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  • FIRST POST
    • Calmfab
    • By Calmfab 30th Mar 18, 5:59 AM
    • 9Posts
    • 7Thanks
    Calmfab
    How do you split up the finances when one is earning more money ?
    • #1
    • 30th Mar 18, 5:59 AM
    How do you split up the finances when one is earning more money ? 30th Mar 18 at 5:59 AM
    Hi there,

    Hope you can help me because it's bothering me. Would you agree to split the family finances 50/50 and what we have both left is ours to dispose of ? At the moment, we put everything in the main bank account, I'm doing a job which I don't enjoy but pays very well. Yet if I want to treat myself to something (not a big expensive thing) I have to justify it.

    What do you think ?
Page 2
    • Blinkyspears21
    • By Blinkyspears21 30th May 19, 6:09 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Blinkyspears21
    I have the same concern with my partner. Before he was earning more than I do, but now, I am almost the sole provider of the family. We don't have a joint account, but I kept all the records of our expenses and I always divide them 50/50. He doesn't know about that. I don't know how I can bring it up to him that he 'owe' me a lot.
    • cheeky-peach
    • By cheeky-peach 3rd Jun 19, 11:09 AM
    • 106 Posts
    • 146 Thanks
    cheeky-peach
    I earn more than my husband and we just split things 50/50. I think it depends on their contribution to other things and if they are actively spending money when you don't feel it's fair. It's very rarely that we will argue about money to be honest. It works well for us as it's all "our" money.
    • bertiewhite
    • By bertiewhite 3rd Jun 19, 11:52 AM
    • 1,680 Posts
    • 1,892 Thanks
    bertiewhite
    We've never had a joint account. My wage is enough for us to survive on and some more so we treat her money as purely hers and for nice stuff.
    • New and Improved Me
    • By New and Improved Me 5th Aug 19, 1:43 PM
    • 206 Posts
    • 157 Thanks
    New and Improved Me
    People have such different views on ‘Money’ in a marriage.

    I personally don’t agree with the concept of His Money / My Money in a marriage.

    You are willing to share your life with this other person but not your money!!!!

    There was a time in the early days of our marriage, before kid when we both worked full time. The money was always shared and there was never a concept of her money and my money.

    The years rolled on, the kids arrived and she went part-time whilst I carried on working full time getting better paid jobs.

    Money has never been viewed as ‘Her’ money or ‘My’ money, it’s OUR money and even though she can be a little short sighted (at times) when it comes to money because she just spends rather than earn these days and just expects the account to keep being topped up every month FOREVER without actually thinking that there will come a time when I am NOT working ….

    it’s still OUR money and any future planning I do for when I will not be earning is based on supporting us both in our OLD age…

    If more married couples trusted each other and committed 100% to each other, there would be less divorces in the world – just my opinion…what do I know .
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 6th Aug 19, 12:56 PM
    • 31,553 Posts
    • 80,895 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Money has never been viewed as ‘Her’ money or ‘My’ money, it’s OUR money and even though she can be a little short sighted (at times) when it comes to money because she just spends rather than earn these days and just expects the account to keep being topped up every month FOREVER without actually thinking that there will come a time when I am NOT working ….

    it’s still OUR money and any future planning I do for when I will not be earning is based on supporting us both in our OLD age…
    Originally posted by New and Improved Me
    We're in a similar position because my ability to earn has been affected by poor health but I've always been involved in the household finances - joint future planning is a vital part of that.
    • maman
    • By maman 6th Aug 19, 4:19 PM
    • 20,667 Posts
    • 122,819 Thanks
    maman
    If more married couples trusted each other and committed 100% to each other, there would be less divorces in the world – just my opinion…what do I know .
    Originally posted by New and Improved Me
    I can't agree with the implication that couples who have separate bank accounts don't trust each other.

    I read a newspaper article at the weekend about fewer and fewer couples having totally joint money. Some have a designated joint account where they each put money for household bills but an increasing number have individual personal bank accounts.

    The reasoning given was that as people are getting together later in life than previously they are financially independent and used to managing their own money and like to continue that way.

    Personally that's the way we like to live and always have done. We celebrate our Ruby Wedding Anniversary next year.

    Here's the article:
    https://www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/money/sharer-or-splitter-what-sort-of-money-couple-are-you-q7l0qbmns
    Last edited by maman; 06-08-2019 at 4:22 PM.
    • JennyJukes
    • By JennyJukes 6th Aug 19, 6:01 PM
    • 213 Posts
    • 738 Thanks
    JennyJukes
    I don't like the thought of pooling all finances together.

    With my ex we had a joint account where we put the same amount in every month each to pay for joint bills, dates, etc. This worked great for me to begin with as we were earning a similar wage and were buying things we both needed. However, he started paying for things in the account and not paying back and as his wage increased so did his tastes! Because of this, we increased how much we put in but it was still split equally even though it was for his benefit. When I left him he took all the money from the bank account even though half was mine but nothing could be done because it couldn't be proved whose money was what, so he got to keep it.

    Of course this is an extreme example and my ex became abusive and I definitely don't think my current partner would do this but it is a risk you take in a relationship. I do believe the best bet is a joint account for bills/dates/household stuff and that it should be split in a way you both believe is fair. My current partner assumed we would pool all our income together when we're married because this is what he was used to growing up but personally I would rather do the joint bills with the higher earner or the one with bigger tastes put in more money. It's most important to have a similar outlook to finances.

    On one hand if I earned more I'd want to put in more so my partner had money for themselves but on the other if my partner earned more I wouldn't want them having less money for themselves just because I don't earn enough...

    I also resent the assumption having separate accounts means you don't see each other as equals and that you "should" pool all your money together. If my partner was struggling to pay for things of course I would give them money!! But would I want to use my money for him to buy his hundred-thousand £ guitars? Do I want him to pay for me to go and get drunk or buy colleagues he's never met gifts? Our relationship is both team work and independence and our finances would reflect that. I don't think anyone should be made to feel ashamed or judged if it works for them and one isn't being taken advantaged of. It's maybe a generational thing.

    I like Elise idea of putting in an equal % of your salary though, seems the best of both worlds? You both sacrifice the same amount of your salary and get to keep some money for yourself relative to the amount you earn. I don't think I should be entitled to my partners hard-earned money just because he has more of it if we both work the same amount of hours and my job is less intensive or requires less skills. Doesn't mean we won't look after each other if one of us is unable to work or needs an extra cash boost somewhere at some point.
    • MissMollyJ
    • By MissMollyJ 4th Oct 19, 8:10 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    MissMollyJ
    I’m in a relatively new relationship - we are about to get engaged with a view to getting married and having a child within the next couple of years. At the moment I earn approximately 40%more than my partner and I pay for all the bills and household expenses.

    What I would expect is that regardless of who earns what each person has a similar amount of spare cash a month. So if after all bills are paid there is £500 left over then each person has £250 in their own account to do what they want with it. Regardless of whether they are actually earning £250 or earning £5000 a month.

    My personal preference is a joint bills account and individual personal accounts.

    I know that circumstances change over time and income and outgoings change and I am not the kind of person who thinks I deserve more money in a relationship purely because I earn more, so this is what would work for me.
    • MandM90
    • By MandM90 4th Oct 19, 10:17 AM
    • 1,684 Posts
    • 9,066 Thanks
    MandM90
    We have one joint account but separate pocket money pots and savings. He earns a lot more than me, but when we met I earned lots more than he did.

    We use a budgeting programme called YNAB - all money is split into different categories so we each have fun money, money for haircut/clothes etc. We keep it all equal. When I earned more he worked harder, longer hours (just for less pay). Now he earns more and my job is definitely still less full on, but I do a lot more 'unpaid work' around the house. We both graft, I don't see one as being more deserving than the other. This month he spent most of his pocket money on a fancy coffee machine, mine is likely to go on books and meals out with friends. We don't have to explain what we're buying and why.

    I can't imagine loving someone but being OK with one of you having a better quality of life/more treats than the other.
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