CMA on benefits

Pinky85 · 28 February 2019 at 9:45AM

Good morning!

So my partner and his ex wife have 2 kids - aged 15 and 10. Boy and a girl.
Me and him now live together in a one bedroom flat which we bid on, the council said he was only eligible for a 1 bed been as he doesn’t have sole custody of his kids.
We have the kids every weekend Friday- Sunday. Plus all half terms that are 1 and 2 week long (she took him to court over this and it’s supposed to be every other weekend, a week each at Easter and Xmas and 2 weeks in the summer) but we have them all half terms as mentioned, full 2 weeks at Easter and all 6 weeks in the summer. He gives her £40 CMA plus petrol money to bring them and pick them up as we live quite far from them now. Plus he contributes towards school trips, uniform etc.
She has asked him last night if he can pay half towards there sons new bed, wardrobe and curtains as she can’t afford them- she works in the NHS and has a good paying job, we are both on joint ESA.
He’s recent yhad to give her half (£76) towards clearing out her garage at her house as she said that the old bathroom that was in there he used whilst he lived there so he should pay half. And she wants half towards clearing her shed too.
Is this right? Should he be giving her half towards these things and should he give her half towards his sons new bed etc? She asks for money for clothes too etc which we have our own clothes for them when they stay here and we never ask for half towards them.
We aren’t complaining, obviously we love having them here, yes it’s tight, the girl has to sleep on floor in our room and the boy on a camp bed in living room when they stay, but we manage. And my family help out money wise when it comes to feeding them
For long periods of time (summer holidays) etc as It is a struggle on what we get.
Regards
Pinky85

Pinky85 · 28 February 2019 at 10:13AM

Can I just add the £40 a month is based on what the Gov website says to give based on income- well it actually says no cma to give based on our benefits and how much we have them. But we give £40 .

Comms69 · 28 February 2019 at 11:26AM

Do the kids want to live with you?

It sounds like she's taking the mick somewhat.

Pinky85 · 28 February 2019 at 11:34AM

Well the youngest (girl) always cries when she has to go home, locks herself in the toilet and hides insisting that she’s not going. It’s heartbreaking. The boy is older now so his friends and games thing are his life so he just wants to get home to that. My OH would die for his kids though and we always skint ourselves out or go without to make sure they get what they need. It’s hard. But it’s being a parent, I don’t have kids so this is all a learning curve for me but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Just the ex wife is constantly asking for money for this and that and saying my OH needs to work- he worked his !!! off since he was 16 and when they split he had a break down and is now too ill to work (mental health plus other illnesses ) and is under a phychiatrist at the moment.
I just wanted some advice on this cos o am pretty sure he shouldn’t be going halves on things like the shed and the garage etc..... and even the bed and wardrobe? It’s her house, she gets her good wage plus other benefits so surely the child tax credits are for things like that?

Comms69 · 28 February 2019 at 5:17PM

Pinky85 wrote: »

Well the youngest (girl) always cries when she has to go home, locks herself in the toilet and hides insisting that she’s not going. It’s heartbreaking. The boy is older now so his friends and games thing are his life so he just wants to get home to that. My OH would die for his kids though and we always skint ourselves out or go without to make sure they get what they need. It’s hard. But it’s being a parent, I don’t have kids so this is all a learning curve for me but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Just the ex wife is constantly asking for money for this and that and saying my OH needs to work- he worked his !!! off since he was 16 and when they split he had a break down and is now too ill to work (mental health plus other illnesses ) and is under a phychiatrist at the moment.
I just wanted some advice on this cos o am pretty sure he shouldn’t be going halves on things like the shed and the garage etc..... and even the bed and wardrobe? It’s her house, she gets her good wage plus other benefits so surely the child tax credits are for things like that?

Yes, those are all 'moral' costs.

Upto you whether to pay or not

Pinky85 · 28 February 2019 at 5:20PM

Thank you ! She keeps threatening with court so it’s a hard one lol

pmduk · 28 February 2019 at 7:26PM

Court for what? It's the CMS that decides maintenance not a court and the things you've described should be coming out of the maintenance already being paid.

One tip in case this gets nasty, (nastier?), make sure you're paying her by recordable means eg cheque or bank transfer. That way there can be no dispute over what has been paid when. If payments are made for extra items make sure they're marked with their purpose.

Pinky85 · 28 February 2019 at 7:42PM

Oh we do that for sure, bank transfer with what the money is for in the reference. I don’t miss a trick when it comes to her - I even keep a diary of everything that goes on and times we have the kids etc incase she tries to take my OH to court over the child court order thing.... she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on anyway as we are having the kids more than the judge set in the order and they n her time too we are having them... whilst struggling when that money we give her could put food in there belly’s when they are here, especially over summer when we have them for the full 6 weeks when it should be 2 weeks.

CMA on benefits

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