How to move on?

psstoverere
psstoverere Posts: 284 Forumite
First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
in Marriage, relationships & families
I split with my partner 3 months ago after he had an affair for 4 years, after the initial fear of how i would cope, financially, emotionally and all the practicalities i am now left with the overwhelming urge to hurt them and get revenge, it almost consumes my life now (i don't think i would actually act on this). I know i need to let this go but i really dont know how, my emotions are still all over the place, How have other people managed to move on?
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Comments

  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    Try a rebound? That typically helps

    Don't go for revenge- you'll end up looking crazy / pathetic and possibly making things worse with the old bill
  • arbrighton
    arbrighton Posts: 2,011 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I think time is a huge part of it.
    And giving yourself some credit for every time you don't act on it.

    The anger/revenge is one of the stages of grieving for that relationship.

    Allow yourself to wallow sometimes then mentally 'shelve it' and do things you enjoy/ or just get something done that needs to be

    Hopefully over time, there will be less of those thoughts, less need to wallow or make yourself shelve it.
  • professor~yaffle
    professor~yaffle Posts: 509 Forumite
    psstoverere wrote: »
    I split with my partner 3 months ago after he had an affair for 4 years, after the initial fear of how i would cope, financially, emotionally and all the practicalities i am now left with the overwhelming urge to hurt them and get revenge, it almost consumes my life now (i don't think i would actually act on this). I know i need to let this go but i really dont know how, my emotions are still all over the place, How have other people managed to move on?

    There is such a thing as karma.. If he's cheated on you, he'll cheat on her. I guarantee it.
  • karcher
    karcher Posts: 2,069 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    edited 19 May 2017 at 8:14PM
    professor~yaffle wrote: »
    There is such a thing as karma.. If he's cheated on you, he'll cheat on her. I guarantee it.

    I don't believe in karma but back on topic:

    OP it's only been 3 months that is nothing.

    The bitterness and sadness may never completely disappear but it will diminish over time.

    Maintain your dignity.

    Sadly, there is no quick fix, just give it time.
    'I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thought
    And I ain't got the power anymore'
  • LilElvis
    LilElvis Posts: 5,835 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    I got my revenge by finding a better man and having a great life. Far better than any petty payback could ever have been.
  • Dustyblinds
    Dustyblinds Posts: 244 Forumite
    professor~yaffle wrote: »
    There is such a thing as karma.. If he's cheated on you, he'll cheat on her. I guarantee it.
    I agree with this, a woman I work with had an affair with a married man, he left his wife and married this woman once he was divorced. Throughout this new marriage he's had numerous affairs, she keeps forgiving him and taking him back. I do sometimes feel sorry for her but always thought the way they met should have set alarm bells ringing. He's cheated once, he'll cheat again.
  • professor~yaffle
    professor~yaffle Posts: 509 Forumite
    Dustyblinds wrote: »
    I agree with this, a woman I work with had an affair with a married man, he left his wife and married this woman once he was divorced. Throughout this new marriage he's had numerous affairs, she keeps forgiving him and taking him back. I do sometimes feel sorry for her but always thought the way they met should have set alarm bells ringing. He's cheated once, he'll cheat again.

    It's the old saying: when a man marries his mistress she creates a vacancy :cool:

    Philanderers don't change.
  • IAmWales
    IAmWales Posts: 2,024 Forumite
    I agree with time. Don't go looking for revenge, and definitely not a rebound - it's not fair on the new partner and it'll do nothing for your self esteem. Focus on yourself for a while.
  • psstoverere
    psstoverere Posts: 284 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Thanks for all your replies i know deep down it will get better with time i just cant see past today at the moment, i feel stupidly lonely and dont think i will ever trust anyone ever again.
  • Jojo_the_Tightfisted
    Jojo_the_Tightfisted Posts: 27,228 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Guest101 wrote: »
    Try a rebound? That typically helps

    Don't go for revenge- you'll end up looking crazy / pathetic and possibly making things worse with the old bill


    Nowt wrong with a Barrier Shag. You don't have to stay with them, it just gets you out the mindset of being betrayed and possibly unappealing. If you want one, that is. Or a hundred of them.

    Certainly could stop you thinking so much about how much you hate the ex, as it's something possibly pleasant to distract you with.


    Or take up hobbies, go out more, do stuff he wouldn't have ever wanted to you/moaned about you doing. Whatever you like. If you're busy, you're not brooding.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
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