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  • FIRST POST
    • robowen
    • By robowen 4th Feb 06, 7:47 PM
    • 2,970Posts
    • 1,725Thanks
    robowen
    Beethoven Joke.
    • #1
    • 4th Feb 06, 7:47 PM
    Beethoven Joke. 4th Feb 06 at 7:47 PM
    A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
    By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

    By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
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    "He's decomposing!"


    rob
    If only everything in life was as reliable...AS ME !!
    robowen 5/6/2005

    ''Never take an idiot anywhere with you. You'll always find one when you get there.''
Page 318
    • debitcardmayhem
    • By debitcardmayhem 28th Sep 19, 2:17 AM
    • 9,282 Posts
    • 6,957 Thanks
    debitcardmayhem
    I was the foreman at the site above, https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=76320828&postcount=6340
    anyhow the following day a young chap came looking for work, I said your voice is a little high young lad are used to hard work?, he said "yes I don't mind working and my voice is due to an accident losing by testes when I was young". So I said Ok come here tomorrow and we'll give you some work. He said "what time shall I come in?" So I said we start at 8 am but scratch our b*lls for two hours so come in at 10
    Still grumpy, and No, Cloudflare I am NOT a robot
    • ed_ten_72
    • By ed_ten_72 28th Sep 19, 3:46 PM
    • 3 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    ed_ten_72
    Don't go to church. Might burst into flames upon entrance.
    • givememoney
    • By givememoney 28th Sep 19, 9:57 PM
    • 1,045 Posts
    • 1,310 Thanks
    givememoney
    I had a little bunny, it's nose was very runny, people think it's funny, but it's snot
    • Fruitcake
    • By Fruitcake 3rd Oct 19, 12:14 PM
    • 41,266 Posts
    • 91,488 Thanks
    Fruitcake
    I was out with friends in Bristol the other night and got chatting to an American chap whilst I was waiting at the bar. He told me he was visiting England with his wife and said she was a Native American whose tribal name was Five horses.


















    I asked him what her name meant and he said, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.
    I married my cousin. I had to...
    I don't have a sister.

    All my screwdrivers are cordless.
    "You're Safety Is My Primary Concern Dear" - Laks
    • Ebe Scrooge
    • By Ebe Scrooge 4th Oct 19, 12:29 PM
    • 4,503 Posts
    • 4,071 Thanks
    Ebe Scrooge
    The little native American Indian boy asks his Dad, "How do you choose our names ?"

    His dad explains that tradition dictates that a child is named after the first thing the mother sees when she emerges from the birthing teepee. "That's why your brother is called Majestic Eagle Soaring, and your sister is called Peaceful River Flowing. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fuc*ing ?".
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 6th Oct 19, 5:51 PM
    • 2,956 Posts
    • 4,094 Thanks
    Robisere
    Harry and Tom are two shipwrecked sailors in a lifeboat, when an old lamp comes bobbing past. Tom grabs the lamp, rubs it and a Genie appears.
    "I can only give you one wish," says the genie "Another man used two yesterday then died of a heart attack, what do you wish for?"

    Harry is thinking, but Tom, a heavy drinker, blurts out "Turn the sea into beer!"

    POOOF!! The sea is beer and the genie vanishes, job done.
    ***********************************************



    "That's great!" says Harry "Now we have to pee in the boat!"
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • Ebe Scrooge
    • By Ebe Scrooge 10th Oct 19, 2:52 PM
    • 4,503 Posts
    • 4,071 Thanks
    Ebe Scrooge
    Quick-fire oldies but goodies :



    What is a nuclear physicist's favourite food ?
    Fission chips.

    Why do Anarchists only drink herbal tea ?
    Because they know that proper tea is theft.

    Two parrots sitting on a perch.
    One says to the other, "Can you smell fish ?"

    Two goldfish in a tank.
    One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing ?"

    Two snowmen in a field.
    One says to the other, "Can you smell carrots ?"

    Two cannibals eating a clown.
    One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you ?"

    What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall ?
    "Dam"


    And finally, one guaranteed to make the children laugh .....

    Why did the baker have brown hands ?
    Because he kneaded a poo.
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 20th Nov 19, 8:13 AM
    • 27,511 Posts
    • 38,714 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    I've been training to become a ventriloquist, I'm very good at it, even if I say so myself..........
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
    • JamesTom
    • By JamesTom 21st Nov 19, 12:23 PM
    • 3 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JamesTom
    Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
    -because every play has a cast.

    • Ebe Scrooge
    • By Ebe Scrooge 25th Nov 19, 4:28 PM
    • 4,503 Posts
    • 4,071 Thanks
    Ebe Scrooge
    A man reports his wife missing to the police. A couple of days later there's a knock at the door, and a uniformed officer asks if he can come in.

    "Sir", he says, "It is my sad duty to inform you that your wife's body was found in the harbour today. When the divers recovered the body, there were 6 lobsters clinging to it. This may sound insensitive, but legally the lobsters belong to you - what would you like to do with them ?".

    "Well", says the man thoughtfully ..... "Give 3 to me, you take 3, and set her again tonight".
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
    • Belenus
    • By Belenus 5th Dec 19, 1:06 PM
    • 808 Posts
    • 1,620 Thanks
    Belenus
    "Will I be OK doc?"

    "I doubt it, Mercury is now in Uranus."

    "I don't do that astrology stuff."

    "Me neither, my thermometer just broke in your backside."
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 8th Dec 19, 4:59 PM
    • 27,511 Posts
    • 38,714 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    Woman hears some strange noises from her wardrobe
    What's going on in there? she asks
    Narnia your business was the reply.
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
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