Advice needed - House or Wedding?

thorsoak · 16 March 2017 at 3:20PM

There's been no more feedback from the OP - but he was on first thing this morning. I would ask him just one question: what is more important to him and to his fiancee - the wedding or the marriage?

DD265 · 16 March 2017 at 3:54PM

We're getting married before buying a house. It's just how it's worked out really. We don't want to buy where we are and OH needs to find a new job/career before we can look to move nearer to where I work.

We also looked at mortgages early last year and on paper it wasn't feasible. Somebody earlier mentioned people panicking about interest rate increases - that's because you can be actively encouraged to stretch yourself on a mortgage. I don't remember the numbers the bank quoted at us, but I remember thinking we'd be screwed if interest rates shot up.

The wedding isn't cheap but we're compromising and spending the money on what's important to us. If we'd been in the position to buy, we'd either have pushed the wedding out or done something much smaller.

I think I'm more keen to buy than my fiance, (I also chose to spend more on a wedding cake and scrap the flowers!) but he has a stricter list of requirements for the kind of house he'd want to buy.

Ultimately I don't think it really matters what you do, as long as you communicate and are both on the same page.

Fireflyaway · 17 March 2017 at 6:03PM

If I had some cash saved up I'd rather buy a house. I'd be worried that I'd blow the money on the wedding then run out of motivation to start saving all over again. A house deposit is expensive and can't really be avoided (unless you use help to buy and its smaller) whereas you can get married cheaply. The fact your partner won't compromise is worrying. You will have to if you want a successful marriage. A house can last you a lifetime but a wedding is just 1 day.

Starrystarrynight1 · 17 March 2017 at 6:37PM

I sometimes wonder if people want a marriage or a wedding.

I would absolutely want the security of my own home, not just a fancy day that most of the guests will see as a free feed and a booze up. A wedding doesn't have to be a big, expensive affair and I'd be concerned if my partner wanted to spend huge amounts of cash on one day, rather than helping to secure our future.

analyticalglory · 18 March 2017 at 1:38PM

midnightraven3 wrote: »

I couldn't pay thousands for a wedding without having a secure roof over my head. It wouldnt even be a question. If I wanted to get married before buying a house, it would be a simple small affair and every penny towards the house as possible

I more than agree! You said it all!

Bumblebear · 18 March 2017 at 2:35PM

Starrystarrynight1 wrote: »

I sometimes wonder if people want a marriage or a wedding.

I got a lot of people questioning our choices about our simple (and £500) wedding. "Oh, but don't you want..." and "But, it's traditional to have..." I also don't have an engagement ring. DH and I said the same thing to everyone, we're interested in the marriage, not the wedding. Now we get a lot of "Oh, you're so lucky to have your house we never had a house like that". We both have full time careers and avoided a potentially huge bit of expenditure. "Luck", my backside!

AylesburyDuck · 18 March 2017 at 2:56PM

aquarius02 wrote: »

Getting married isn't about giving your fiance what she wants, but about coming to an agreement or compromise over what you both would like. She should be considering what you would like as well as just what she wants. If you carry on giving her what she wants all the time, then this doesn't portend well for a happy marriage or financial stability. Relationships are about compromise and give and take on both sides.You need to discuss this properly with her.

This with bells on,
Beware the bride that wants an expensive wedding at any cost with no regaurd for future husbands wants......
This is one day out of that brides life and NOTHING will probably ever live upto it again in her mind.

A wedding is one day in your life, a house houses all the days of your life.

My wedding was reg office and a bun fight in the back garden, i wanted the man not the huge dress and money worries, we then lived in a bed sit for a year, a flat for a further 10, and now our house 20 odd.
Been married over 30 years and still want the man!

seven-day-weekend · 18 March 2017 at 3:51PM

Vault101 wrote: »

Hi - first post - sorry if this is in the wrong place.

My GF and I are locked in a bit of a dispute at the moment. She wants to get married, and knows exactly what she wants in a wedding (and wants a big-ish wedding and there's little room for negotiation)

I also want to get married, and make her happy and give her what she wants, but I want us to save for and buy a house first. I think it's sensible to get a permanent roof over our heads and to not be paying rent for longer than we need before spending thousands on a wedding.

I was just curious as to people's opinions on this? I appreciate that there's no right answer - but I'm always made to feel like I'm in the wrong about it, which has left me wondering perhaps I am.

Thanks!

No contest for me whatsoever, I would want to marry the person I loved. However, I would also want a house.

So I would have a tiny wedding as cheaply as possible so that we could afford the house.

I would consider spending thousands on either rent or a wedding to be a waste of money.

Jolly44 · 20 March 2017 at 1:13AM

In todays fast moving housing market getting onto the property ladder as early as possible is the best idea. However, the two of you must decide want you BOTH want out of your life together. It is true that girls dream about the big white wedding - which is absolutely ideal if the brides parents are footing the bill! I have had both - the big church production paid for by my parents with a reception for 200 guests - and my second was a small intimate affair, but with dress, bridesmaids, limo's at a Methodist Church with only 30 people at the buffet reception paid for by my second husband and I. The one I remember and enjoyed more was the second. I had time to chat with everyone who had been invited as they were all important to us and not distant relatives we hardly knew and friends of both our parents.. Because of the small wedding we were able to go abroad for our honeymoon then come home to our 'new home' we had bought a few months earlier and had been working on
so we could move in together straight after we were married. Neither of us had ever had our own home before so we were delighted.
There are many couples who rent their homes and never want to buy a place of their own there's nothing wrong with it and that's just fine - so long as it what BOTH of them want.
When a girl wants something she usually won't rest until she gets it -so if the big wedding is a deal breaker and you cannot image your life without her - buying a house will have to go onto the back burner until, if ever, you can save enough for a deposit....
Good luck with whatever you decide;

happyrose · 22 March 2017 at 9:59AM

Interesting attitude from partner - but if I could tell you about a very close friend. Big wedding with all the bells and whistles a few years back, and it really was a lovely day, renting flat with intentions of buying. As family grew they moved into rented house and now been given notice to quit as owner selling up. With less than 3 months to go they are unable to afford anything nearby - school and family for extra childcare essential - not enough for a deposit and renting market prices increased
They now realise how vulnerable they are, could move into a dearer rented place and find themselves in same situation in 12 months time. If they remain and are evicted they could end up anywhere, not near school, family etc and in a b n b, if they refuse council help they are taken off the list.
House for me all the way. Weddings can be done on a budget, be creative, most spend because they are materialistic, duped into marketing and want to impress "friends" !!!

Advice needed - House or Wedding?

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