Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give a bigger wedding gift because I can't make the big day?
Comments
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Bit in bold - really?elizabethhull wrote: »Actually it was always the etiquette that if you were invited, you gave a present, whether you attended or not. It's lovely to be considered for an invitation, and I would always send a present if I couldn't go. I'm a little surprised that some people don't think this way any more.
But the cost is a different matter. I'd give a present of whatever value I would have given if attending, but make it a postable present, so probably money in some form - cheque or vouchers where any wedding list is being maintained.
I think it more depends on your relationship with the couple.0 -
In this situation I wouldn't give a gift at all. If you aren't going to the wedding why would you give them a gift?
Because it is the wedding of a good friend and you want to give a present.
I enjoy choosing and giving presents to my family and friends.
In this case, just give what you would have done, anyway.Member #14 of SKI-ers club
Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.
(Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)0 -
Just decide how much you want to spend without regard to whether you!!!8217;re going or not. They wouldn!!!8217;t be very good friends if they judge you by what you spend0
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In this situation I wouldn't give a gift at all. If you aren't going to the wedding why would you give them a gift?
It's a good friend, they're getting married and you're happy for them. I buy my good friends a birthday gift whether I attend a birthday celebration or not and it's the same for their wedding.Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!0 -
You should give less than if you were attending, because you have not been able to take advantage of the luxurious wedding reception food, disco, and so on.
A strong cost/benefit analysis is required!0 -
Oh, for goodness sake! Just buy them a present you think they'd appreciate, and don't think about the cost. You said they were good friends who were getting married - why put a price on your gift.0
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It's a good friend, they're getting married and you're happy for them. I buy my good friends a birthday gift whether I attend a birthday celebration or not and it's the same for their wedding.
I missed the bit about a 'good friend' although saying that if they were that good a friend I'd make the effort and go to the wedding anyway. I've been invited to weddings of people I don't even consider friends in the past, I certainly wouldn't be buying them a present just because of a supposed etiquette.
Me and my friends don't buy each other birthday presents.
I've never been in this situation, as I said if it was a good friend I'd make the effort but I guess maybe if put in the situation I would get them a present.0 -
The author of the dilemma says he/she can't go.I missed the bit about a 'good friend' although saying that if they were that good a friend I'd make the effort and go to the wedding anyway. I've been invited to weddings of people I don't even consider friends in the past, I certainly wouldn't be buying them a present just because of a supposed etiquette.
Me and my friends don't buy each other birthday presents.
I've never been in this situation, as I said if it was a good friend I'd make the effort but I guess maybe if put in the situation I would get them a present.
Maybe the wedding was organised at short notice and they are on holiday.
Or have a prior engagement.
If I had a holiday booked there's no way I'd go to a wedding instead - regardless of how good a friend it was.
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Seems to me that its all about the cash these days. Certainly the last 2 weddings we were invited to, the invite asked for cash towards their honeymoon - we have even been criticised for not giving money to a related couple who didn't even invite us, just sent an apology for no invite "as the facilities were too small"!!
The original dilemma? No attendance - no present!0 -
To anyone saying "of course your shouldn't give a bigger gift" - surely it is not that simple.
From the perspective of someone getting married abroad soon, I'd say it depends on the reason why the guest can't make it and if they had dropped out.
I have no issue with people who have said no from the outset but those who have said yes then dropped out - it really depends why. We had a guest who dropped out because of unexpected financial circumstances and of course this is fine. Equally we have a guest who may drop out because they are disorganised to the extent that they have left booking flights until the last minute and have hinted at them now being too expensive, despite having 12 months to book at a far cheaper fare and otherwise having no financial issues.
We have explicily asked for no wedding gifts because we believe that coming abroad is a big ask and enough of a commitment without a present on top. But in the case of the flimsy drop-out, given the amount of organising we've done and the fact it is too late to get a replacement in, yes I'd expect a present more by way of apology than anything else.0
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