Never married, having issues with seeing my daughter

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stumac1980
stumac1980 Posts: 23 Forumite
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in MoneySaving dads
I separated from my ex about 3 years ago and there is a lot of animosity between her family and me. And this has resulted in a number of things that I have posted in different areas of this site, such as owing debt. My money situation has not been particularly great and I am working on that side. One thing that is happening is if I don’t do what they say in regards to making payments towards credit cards and the like that are not actually in my name then I won’t see my daughter. I need help with trying to sort all this out as my daughter is also not allowed to see her grandparents which is really hurting her. I feel that I am being bullied by them of who my daughter can see and who she can not. I need help in relation to how do I go about fixing it so that both myself and my daughter can see who we both want without being bullied by them. Also I have not got the money to go through the court system.

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  • Socajam
    Socajam Posts: 1,238 Forumite
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    Stop paying their credit cards and save that money for legal action.
    You are being bullied and the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them, otherwise ask yourself where would this lead to next.
    Can you get advise from the CAB?
  • martinbuckley
    martinbuckley Posts: 1,713 Forumite
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    If you are the father named on her Birth Certificate then you have Parental Responsibility. This gives you legal rights.

    Stop paying their credit card bills and put the money aside for your child, in a bank account that only you can draw on. Play hard ball for a little while and they'll come crawling.
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Newbie
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    Bullying and blackmail usually gets worse over time.
    The time to stand up to it is NOW!
  • McKneff
    McKneff Posts: 38,823 Forumite
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    Dont stop paying for the upkeep though.
    Through the bank and marked as maintrnance
    make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
    and we will never, ever return.
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    Stop verbal contact. Get them to text, whatsapp, email or whatever rather than ring. I should imagine they'll stop once they realise they'll have to put threats in writing.


    Good luck.
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
  • BAFE
    BAFE Posts: 270 Forumite
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    Yep. You need to stop paying those credit cards and use the money for court fees.

    You can represent yourself in court, no need to pay a lawyer, although there will be court fees of course.

    Lots of facebook groups supporting people who represent t hemselves in court, go take a look at one of them. Best of luck.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,203 Forumite
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    OK, use the CMS calcualtor and work out what you need to pay in child support, then set up a standing order to pay the correct amount evey month. Put 'child support' as the reference so it shows as that on your bank statements and send a letter (keeping a copy) saying that you have set up a regualr payment for child support having worked out the correct amount via the CMS and that she needs to let you know if she belives the amount is incorrect.

    In terms of cotnact, I suggest that you start by putting in writing suggestions for a regualr routine including contact with you - e.g. evey other weekend, or whatever would work.

    Ask her to confirm whather that can be agreed and if not, what she would propose.

    If she doesn't respond or won't agree, then look for local mediation services and self-refer.

    If mediation doesn't work, ask for a 'MIAM' form to be compelted thengo to see a solicitor about making an appliation to court.

    A court looks at what is in your child's best interests, and will look at contact totally separately from any financial issues.

    Separately, you can consider whether it would be fair for you to contribute to the debt, for instnace if the money was used for the family, even if it is in your ex's name, it would be reasonable to contribute, even if you don't legally have to. However, if it wasn't, or if you have already paid 50% or more, then don't pay any more.

    As a parent, you are ebtitled to apply to the court even if you do not have Parental Responsibility.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
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