Debt letters, but not my debt

Silvertabby · 7 December 2019 at 6:41PM

ScarlettTiger wrote: »

It’s a member of my family, so it’s tricky. Hence them knowing my details. I’ve never lived at the address.

Check your credit records - they could have taken out other debt in your name.

ADD: Looking at your other posts - is this your sister again? If so, then you really need to sort this out now or her debts will always be a millstone around your neck.

I do sympathise. My own sister had a similar attitude to debt, and just assumed that family members would/could bail her out. She even forged my signature as a guarantor for a hefty loan, which could have been a real headache for me - had it not been for the fact that I could prove that I was in the middle of a 4 month tour of duty in the Falklands on the day that both signatures were signed and dated.

Smodlet · 7 December 2019 at 7:50PM

OMG. Now I have checked out just a little of your posting history, OP, it seems you have only yourself to blame. If you choose to keep bailing your sister out, you also choose to take the consequences of doing so.

The day you decide she needs to grow up might just be the day you decide to get out from under her debts. Your choice.

Robisere · 7 December 2019 at 7:58PM

If this relative visited your home and stole money from you, would you not report that to the police? There is no difference between that and what happened here. Take action against her, she will just keep doing this.

DCFC79 · 7 December 2019 at 8:42PM

ScarlettTiger wrote: »

What’s a CIFAS

Google should give an answer.

cymruchris · 7 December 2019 at 9:28PM

As a one-off - and as a family member - you might make an exception, take responsibility for their debt, and tell them never to do it again. Your sister seems to have a persistent problem though - and this approach is likely not to work. You might need to go down the reporting it to the police route - so that the debt passes to her, and she can begin taking responsibility for the problem, it'll probably mean a sour taste in the air for a few weeks - but long term will help resolve the issue I'm sure. You can't go on doing what you're doing.

ScarlettTiger · 8 December 2019 at 10:18AM

I know some of you are blaming me for this. But that’s really not helpful. I’m feeling quite low about this. We have no family, having lost our dad and aunt earlier this year(the last members of our family). So I really don’t need the finger being pointed. I thought I was doing the right thing in the past by helping her out as we had no one else.
Inever asked her to do this, and I’m struggling with her being my sister, and her completely abusing my trust.
I am in contact with Virgin.
Thank you to all of those that have been understanding and trying to help me. To those that have blamed me, is that really what this forum is about?

Sea_Shell · 8 December 2019 at 10:59AM

The problem is, is that in the end it boils down to two options.

1) Walk away from your Sister's financial problems and let her sink or swim on her own. Report any fraud.

2) Keep helping her out financially.

You're the only person who can decide which path to take, and if 2) how much of your own financial security are you prepared to risk/give and over what period.

robber2 · 8 December 2019 at 1:11PM

ScarlettTiger wrote: »

I know some of you are blaming me for this. But that’s really not helpful. I’m feeling quite low about this. We have no family, having lost our dad and aunt earlier this year(the last members of our family). So I really don’t need the finger being pointed. I thought I was doing the right thing in the past by helping her out as we had no one else.
Inever asked her to do this, and I’m struggling with her being my sister, and her completely abusing my trust.
I am in contact with Virgin.
Thank you to all of those that have been understanding and trying to help me. To those that have blamed me, is that really what this forum is about?

I don't see any posts blaming you for the fraudulent actions of your sister, just lots of well informed posters trying to help you.

Sadly as others have suggested there is no easy option for you; either you bail your sister out (again

) or you make her face justice.

Its good that you are now in contact with Virgin. They will help you decide which of the two options to go for.

Good luck

Rob

Smodlet · 9 December 2019 at 4:31PM

ScarlettTiger wrote: »

I know some of you are blaming me for this. But that’s really not helpful. I’m feeling quite low about this. We have no family, having lost our dad and aunt earlier this year(the last members of our family). So I really don’t need the finger being pointed. I thought I was doing the right thing in the past by helping her out as we had no one else.
Inever asked her to do this, and I’m struggling with her being my sister, and her completely abusing my trust.
I am in contact with Virgin.
Thank you to all of those that have been understanding and trying to help me. To those that have blamed me, is that really what this forum is about?

OP, how about taking a step back and trying to imagine how you would advise someone else in exactly your position? I find that can help sometimes, whatever the issue.

No-one is blaming you for your sister's behaviour; they are blaming you for yours: Who else is responsible?

If you choose to continue to enable her financial abuse of you, her lack of consideration or respect for her own sister, her complete and utter disregard for your financial and emotional well being, who is to blame?

It really is your choice and yours alone. I know exactly what I would do: Never allow this situation to arise in the first place. You have made a different choice; do you want to persist in it or not? If you do, you have no reason to complain about your choices. If you do not, do something to ensure this abuse does not continue.

Debt letters, but not my debt

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