Child free by choice?

I have a child, husband doesn't. When we got together I never wanted anymore and he had no interest whatsoever. When I asked him how he knew he didn't want them - as I was adamant I was having no more - he said he was too selfish. We had a chat and I realised I was too. We love our holidays, our weekends away, we can afford a lifestyle I never could bringing up a child and I didn't want to go back to sleepless nights and having to put someone else before myself again.
I have friends with kids and without but I would never ask those without what their plans were, but it does remind me of when we got married and I was asked if we were planning children. When I asked why they wanted to know if my sex life was either protected or not, they mumbled something and said it was only a question. To which I said something like 'a really personal one' . I didn't even know them that well and just thought what I get up to between the sheets is nothing to do with them......

If people ask you about why you dont have children, just throw up your hands, open your mouth in shock and exclaim Goodness, what an incredibly personal question! I wouldnt dream of asking anybody about their sex life! ....and stare at them so accusingly they want to squirm !

It’s all very well for grandparents to be demanding that you start supplying them with grandchildren but would they be so keen when you ask them to do the childminding for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week because you can’t afford the mortgage on your bigger house on one wage?

This is emotional blackmail of the worst kind, no-one can make the decision to have children for you. As for moving closer in anticipation of grandchildren, words fail me. You may want children but may not want or need the input of an overbearing and interfering grandmother, who undermines your discipline, feeds your kids with rubbish and insists on cutting their hair and dragging them to church etc, etc. (Not suggesting that your parents/in-laws would actually do this!)

Now that women can control their child-bearing, of course there are women who don’t want children. There always have been, but back in the day, they weren’t lucky enough to have the choice. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to remain childless, and it’s absolutely no-one else’s business.

As others have said, you both have time if you do change your mind. It happened to me, I had always intended to remain childless, then suddenly, at 32 years old, I changed my mind. My son is the best thing to ever happen to me, but I don’t think any parent can honestly say that they don’t see the appeal of a child-free life. It may be the best thing that I ever did, but, without question, it was also the hardest!

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I think you have hit the nail on the head and would agree that some people are just 'too selfish' and would not be able to put the needs of another person before their own. Just saying

So why did you have children then? Chances are, the answer starts with "I wanted...". Chances are, you created a human being purely to satisfy your own desires.

Fair enough but who's paying for your choice? Given that you're on MSE, I'll assume you don't have private healthcare or send your children to private schools and probably get CB.

So maybe think on before you describe the childfree as "selfish", there are several of us who have actively chosen not to place any further stress on the NHS, the government and indeed the environment.

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

So why did you have children then? Chances are, the answer starts with "I wanted...". Chances are, you created a human being purely to satisfy your own desires.

Fair enough but who's paying for your choice? Given that you're on MSE, I'll assume you don't have private healthcare or send your children to private schools and probably get CB.

So maybe think on before you describe the childfree as "selfish", there are several of us who have actively chosen not to place any further stress on the NHS, the government and indeed the environment.[/QUOTE

You have taken my reply out of context - probably to cause trouble.
With respect to my own circumstances - sorry to disappoint, but what you say couldn't be further from the truth. My 4 children were all educated privately and all work in professional fields. Actually, I do have private healthcare - not that it's any of your business.