How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..

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  • This is what I mean about you continuing to stretch the thread out by asking questions, what do you think you should do is more important and why are your parents happy for their son to fleece them but won't seem to even listen to your concerns.

    If your mother won't listen then there is nothing you can do. Execept maybe be get ready to take them in or pay their bills when the money runs out.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    edited 11 September 2017 at 9:07AM
    I couldn't care less about inheritance.
    I didn't say you did.
    I was commenting on another poster who mentioned it was sad that you (personally) had "no inheritance to look forward to".

    My comments on inheritance were general, not specific to you.

    As an aside - and also general - some post have been removed from the thread. :huh:
  • Rags2riches
    Rags2riches Posts: 42 Forumite
    edited 11 September 2017 at 9:44AM
    IAmWales wrote: »
    I'm struggling to believe that they were able to get £140K in credit.
    Why dont you threaten to walk away from your mother unless she puts you both in charge of the accounts.
    Or does she prefer your brother to you?

    Plead with her how you cant sit by and see them both get ruined by him.

    Write a long heartfelt letter with all the sums and exactly how much savings she had in the beginning and how much debt she has now.
    They need urgent independant professional financial advice, but only they can ask for that.

    I think these comments hit the nail on the head. I feel at the very least I can sit them down with the figures and a number of options for them to consider and recommend again external financial help.

    They have an income of £50k, will receive £55k from the proceeds of their home and have £140k of credit card and overdraft debt.

    What options are open to them? Is it literally a case of them paying the £55k to bring down the balances or are there other options open them to them?
  • In all honesty I would wash my hands of the issue. It has gone far too far to come up with any solution.

    Remember your mother told the police there was no problem so nothing can be done, she has willingly compromised herself which in turn renders any proper resolution even more remote.

    Sad as it is you cant help those who refuse help.

    Placing this whole thing on proper formal footing could well render any participant in the process liable themselves so I would steer well. clear.The disaster is unfolding and will at some point crash.

    As an aside tell your mother you are not going to concern yourself with it .

    I cannot believe that some of the credit card companies are not involved as debts are increasing as must interest payments. They must know their prospects of getting the capital sums back are diminishing.

    Finally I would suggest you get hold of your own credit rating jjust to ensure that your brother has not made any reference to you in any way.
  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,898
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    £50k in pension income yet they can't distinguish between a debit and a credit on a bank statement?

    £50k a year in pension income is a lot. It suggests that either one of them spent many years as a high earner in a defined benefit pension scheme, or they accumulated a very large private pension fund (we're talking north of £500,000), or a combination of both. Both require some level of financial acumen. There are other possible explanations but they'd be unusual.

    Either both of them have severely degenerated mentally, or they know perfectly well what they are doing, and are letting him have the money for the sake of a quiet life.

    The answer to the OP's last question is that assuming the credit cards weren't taken out fraudulently (and nothing the OP said suggests that they were) they should pay off the credit cards as soon as possible, paying off the highest rates first. But if they do are they just going to accumulate more debt?
  • Ames
    Ames Posts: 18,459 Forumite
    Malthusian wrote: »
    £50k in pension income yet they can't distinguish between a debit and a credit on a bank statement?

    £50k a year in pension income is a lot. It suggests that either one of them spent many years as a high earner in a defined benefit pension scheme, or they accumulated a very large private pension fund (we're talking north of £500,000), or a combination of both. Both require some level of financial acumen. There are other possible explanations but they'd be unusual.

    Either both of them have severely degenerated mentally, or they know perfectly well what they are doing, and are letting him have the money for the sake of a quiet life.

    The answer to the OP's last question is that assuming the credit cards weren't taken out fraudulently (and nothing the OP said suggests that they were) they should pay off the credit cards as soon as possible, paying off the highest rates first. But if they do are they just going to accumulate more debt?

    The OP said that the debit on one statement is matched by an identical credit on another statement, which is why he said the brother convinces them a debit is a credit. Which makes me wonder if the suggestion by another poster that it's actually stoozing is correct.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • rpc
    rpc Posts: 2,353 Forumite
    Ames wrote: »
    The OP said that the debit on one statement is matched by an identical credit on another statement, which is why he said the brother convinces them a debit is a credit. Which makes me wonder if the suggestion by another poster that it's actually stoozing is correct.

    Or the network of accounts is to "launder" the money by making the actual destination untraceable by the parents.
  • By the sounds of things, it doesn't matter what you think. Or feel. Or do. Or what's actually happening.

    They will carry on until your brother slips up and they accidentally see something they shouldn't, like a creditor's letter or a final demand.

    Leave it. Leave them alone. Live your life and be ready to say "I told you so." when it does come crashing down.
    :huh: Don't know what I'm doing, but doing it anyway... :huh:
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    Rags2riches - do you think that they will turn to you for help when it does all blow up?

    Will they expect you to look after them when they are bankrupt?

    If so, you might have to start practising what to say to them so that they don't make themselves your responsibility for the rest of their lives.
  • Mojisola wrote: »
    Rags2riches - do you think that they will turn to you for help when it does all blow up?

    Will they expect you to look after them when they are bankrupt?

    If so, you might have to start practising what to say to them so that they don't make themselves your responsibility for the rest of their lives.

    Possibly bankruptcy would be good for them. It would force my brother out of their accounts and let them press the reset button.
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