£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

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  • Treadingonplaymobil
    Treadingonplaymobil Posts: 1,895
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    edited 12 February 2017 at 6:38PM
    It is good that your parents are willing to wait for repayment at least and the credit cards are at 0% but maybe this has made you a little bit blas! about the debt going up as the majority is not costing you anything as such at the moment. I wonder with your self employment bringing in so little and costing you in terms of quality clothes, top end mobile if you would not be better looking for alternative employment?

    I think this cheap debt has definitely made us blase!!! Also when I was making miles short of our essential outgoings (£250+) we both had a really stupid attitude of spending more, because it felt like if we were getting into debt anyway we might as well have a good time. Which was deeply deeply mature, obviously. :embarasse

    The reason my income is so low is because I sometimes work very few hours a week (5 hours childcare plus some evenings and weekends). There are some months when I work more and it is much higher (I have out-earned DH for the past two months, which paid off a couple of thousand on another CC we had), and I think once I have more free childcare (15 hours from September, although the 5 hours will be free from March - the nursery is full and doesn't have any additional hours until September) I'll be able to work more and my baseline minimum income will go up a bit more. We have discussed it in the past, but decided it's worth keeping going with that in mind - I certainly couldn't earn any more without either gaining childcare costs and/or losing the flexibility of my current work, and I think it will be worth it in the end.
    Trying to figure out a whole new life. Trying to figure out a whole new budget.
    Divorcing, unclear on final debt total right now, but focusing on building a financial buffer zone.
  • ani*fan
    ani*fan Posts: 1,554
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    Hi there Treadingonplaymobil

    Good to meet you and welcome to the boards. :)

    I just wanted to say that I've read you diary and it doesn't sound as though you've had your lightbulb moment yet. Here's why I think that.

    In your initial post you say the shortfall per month is £200-£1000. You don't have a house full of stuff to sell so where did it go? I think unless you identify what you've been doing to get into this massive debt then you will struggle to get out of it. 20k from your parents for a house deposit and 47k on...what?

    You are in an emergency situation and you don't seem to realise it. Even with all the adjustments you have made recently, you are still £180 short every month. You are not at a stage to be planning overpayments to your debts, actually getting solvent has to be the priority. You need to put your credit cards away and find a way to live within your means. That means cutting down on everything in a big way. Saying you'll just have this one last holiday and then cut back later is not enough. You need to start now.

    Your family of 5 live in a 2 bed house. You need a bigger house, now. You are nowhere near affording it and I can't imagine how you would get a mortgage with £75k of unsecured debt and that income. It seems you could be balancing on the edge of disaster and all it would take would be a knock back for 0% balance transfers, which would make your outgoings increase massively as you start paying interest, then this very fragile arrangement you are living in would collapse. Then you're looking at bankruptcy or a DMP and a shattered credit rating.

    It's lovely your parents supported you with a deposit loan. That's very sweet and my mum helped me too in a tricky situation. But they have asked you to pay them back, into a savings account, and you seem remarkably unconcerned that you're not doing that. You said you and your OH both come from wealthy families. Are you imagining your parents will bail you out? Have you had that conversation with them? If they would do it, then great. But they might not, and keeping up appearances seems important to you, so would you even tell them? Something not quite right about all that. It's not your money. And keeping organic products in the freezer for when the parents come round is not going to pay off 65k. Nowhere close.

    I hope this hasn't sounded too harsh and I also hope you have your real light bulb moment soon, before it's too late. I have seen a handful of people on here with your level of debt, income and children to support and they have managed to pull it off, so it is entirely possible.

    I wish you the very best of luck with it all.
    If you know you have enough, you're rich. ;)
  • I can see how it reads, but actually I'm fairly confident my light bulb is on :). We've actually paid off £2,657.97 since consolidation-gate in October. I know exactly where the shortfall came from - a reasonable chunk of it was meeting basic expenses when I was earning nothing at all after having child 3 (was overly optimistic about getting back to work, as I managed it quickly with the other two), the rest was from just living outside our means repeatedly, but not in a 'buying actual products' way. We ate out, had weekends in London, bought expensive versions of things like clothes and technology (even though we don't buy much of it), things like that.

    We aren't spending on credit cards at all now, and hope not to ever again (I am trying to build up an emergency fund for those months when I make only my minimum of £250, but I can't make it happen instantly, sadly).

    We manage really well in a 2 bed house! Honestly, it isn't even close to being a concern for us. We'd like to extend one day, but if necessary we can divide the rooms up - we could turn it into four fairly poky bedrooms just by sticking up cheap partition walls. I get a lot of inspiration from those 'tiny house' blogs etc.

    We could NEVER get a bail out from my parents - I would go bankrupt before I'd tell them about the amount of debt! So no, no hopes of being bailed out. And they are all in perfectly good health, so not holding out for an inheritance. ;)
    Trying to figure out a whole new life. Trying to figure out a whole new budget.
    Divorcing, unclear on final debt total right now, but focusing on building a financial buffer zone.
  • ani*fan
    ani*fan Posts: 1,554
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    Well, I admire your optimism and look forward to seeing how you get on. :)
    If you know you have enough, you're rich. ;)
  • Hi there.

    You sound like you have identified your problem areas, now you need to really really work at getting it all straight.

    I hady LBM in October too, and went down the consolidation route. It worked for me because I had thought long and hard about what was going wrong. I use YNAB too and am loving the accountability it gives me.

    My food bill is £300 a month, and this includes a £47 bill for the milkman. We are a household of six so that food budget can be bought down! And I love your outlook about the house, of course you don't need a bigger house, we have a standard three bed, three boys in one room, and although I would 'like' a bigger house, I enjoy the challenge of making this space work for us.

    Good luck on your journey I will enjoy following it.
    Debt free Feb 2021 🎉
  • angelpye
    angelpye Posts: 995
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    edited 12 February 2017 at 8:24PM
    I think its hard when you first get on this journey to see all that can be done because you do get used to a certain way of life on a big income - I know because I used to have a big income myself.

    But it sounds like you have been living like you bring in much more than what you do, perhaps never quite adjusted from first lot of maternity leave? Compared to your mortgage your income is pretty healthy but you managed to rack up a serious amount of debt - without wanting to sound too harsh.

    Food shopping could be reduced by 1/3 with some planning given the kids eat many of their main meals elsewhere. I only buy good quality food and it is possible to do most main meals for approx £5 to feed a family of your size, especially when there isn't much meat on the menu. Its all in the planning and compromise you are willing to make. For instance W@itrose has organic beef at 2 for £7 - a lot compared to what you could buy but 1/2 pack bulked out with lentils and grated carrot in a shepherd pie will mean the beef content could cost £1.75 for that meal...make with a good quality stock and a dollop of tomato puree etc...serve with broccoli and frozen green beans and it will come in at a decent price whilst still full of goodness and tasty.

    I think you are making inroads and you know you need to step it up but that will mean compromises only you can decide on.

    Most of it is trial and error until you find what works for your family. It may be that you decide that sharp cuts are not the way forward for your family and you would rather play the long game, but I know you are aware you need to be wary of relying on the 0% deals so is the long game really an option? Also there is always the risk of unemployment...

    Your children are really young, when they are teenagers they will notice if money is tight, at this age the cuts will effect them much less. Parenting is full of guilt but financial instability is the main thing that I am feeling guilty about right now - my DD isn't aware but that doesn't mean its ok, for me.

    I hope some of what I have said is useful and all sent with kindness. :)
    Happiness is wanting what you have...
    Debt Jan 2017: £2589.22 DFD: [STRIKE]Sept 2022[/STRIKE] April 2022 but this Marching Minimalist can beat that!
    Use it or Loose it gym target: Feb'17 5/6 Mar 4/6 :j
    EF £0/£4200
  • I completely hear you on things like not wanting to 'punish' the kids by taking away extra curriculars, and the good news is I think there's probably lots that can be done without having to do that.

    The free childcare/more free hours to work is a really positive sign. I don't want to encourage you to be blase until then, and I don't think you are, but as someone whose youngest child just started full time schooling this week, and knowing how much difference that's made to both my ability to work AND my energy levels to do more MSE things, I think the nursery hours are a real light at the end of your tunnel. It's HARD to be self employed with three young kids!

    Groceries is definitely your target. If your kids are eating beans on toast because they've had a hot lunch, and you're eating mostly vegetarian food, I am completely mystified as to where that 500 is going. Can you swap to a cheaper supermarket? Tracking and meal planning will probably do loads to help just on its own.

    Kids' clothes and even your clothes are another one to be tackled: I'm on a lot of FB swap-and-sale groups for high end labels, and I see a lot of stuff come up that's still new season but half the price because someone's worn it twice and decided they don't love it - is that worth seeking out for a few of your favourite brands? Kid 3, I think, could be well outfitted by hitting the thrift stores in a posh area!

    I think you're getting a lot of well intentioned advice that might come across as harsh, and I want to say that I have alll the faith in you!
    MFW diary here. 1 Feb 2017 $229,371 - MFD Feb 2043 :eek: aiming for May 2028
    14 August 2017 - Refinanced: $220,000
    January 2019 $211,580 Current MFD 31 June 2036
  • Are you providing packed lunches for the 6 and 8 year old? All school meals are free now for Primary aged children, regardless. Good luck!
    Savings as of April 2023 Savings account - £26460.50(14474.88)Current account - £2140.24(4576.79)Total - £28600.74(19051.67) £1010 (£65pm CS/BS) £250 CS/BS/JS
  • FatVonD
    FatVonD Posts: 5,315
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    If your grocery bill is high because you can't resist buying a new toy or magazine then shopping online could be your answer to cutting your shopping budget significantly.

    You can start out with a list and there will be no temptations! Once you see the amount and are horrified go back and review your whole basket and see what could be easily culled or swapped for something cheaper.

    I too think you should cancel the holiday, is it really only going to cost £300 + £100? What about food and spending money while you're there?
    Make £25 a day in April £0/£750 (March £584, February £602, January £883.66)

    December £361.54, November £322.28, October £288.52, September £374.30, August £223.95, July £71.45, June £251.22, May£119.33, April £236.24, March £106.74, Feb £40.99, Jan £98.54) Total for 2017 - £2,495.10
  • Honeysucklelou2
    Honeysucklelou2 Posts: 4,642
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    edited 13 February 2017 at 1:51AM
    School meals are free for children in Reception, Y1 and Y2. Y3 to Y6 are chargeable.

    Totally get the idea of not wanting your children to miss out. I have National Trust membership as it quickly pays for itself and allows days out across the country should you want that. With my children, particularly as they have got older, I've had to limit what they can do, so one daughter has chosen not to have music lessons because she preferred to do something else. We don't do swimming lessons but
    I try to take them swimming as often as time and budget allow.

    All the best with your debt free journey.
    paydbx2024 #2 £480/£5000 . Mortgage £144k start ~ £148k Jun 23 -
    2024 savings challenge £5/£2000
    EF £140. Savings 2 £30.00. Weekly savings envelope #17
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