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New horizons living the dream. How?

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  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337
    Combo Breaker First Post I've been Money Tipped!
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    edited 7 November 2018 at 11:38AM
    Suki......well done, you have created a wonderful simple life.

    Story similar to my own, only in my case I had to give up work at the age of 56 to care for my sick husband, 9 years later he died. That was in 2014. My health was wrecked and since then I have been slowly rebuilding my health and looking after my finances. I have just moved house and am slowly licking it into shape, doing as much as I can myself and shopping around for the best deals to keep costs down.

    It's not the retirement I had envisaged but now that the worst of the early grief has passed I am slowly but gradually rebuilding a life that is simple, rich and rewarding.

    Lifeofdreams. There are loads of simple living/minamalist blogs to give you ideas and inspiration. What works for some might not work for you so my advice is take your time, read up, spend time thinking and planning.

    Put a positive spin on it. Instead of thinking in terms of downsizing to save money, I thought in terms of "rightsizing" to give me the life I wanted. Same with decluttering etc.. Dont think about what you are losing, think about what you are gaining, time, space and freedom.

    Decluttering isn't just about "stuff". It's also about simplifying our lives, learning when to say yes and when to say no. About freeing your mind and reducing stress and feelings of overwhelm.

    I reduced junk tv and social media. It helps me sleep better. I changed my diet, I feel better, (fewer flareups of IBS etc) I take time to take care of my self, exercise more,

    I appreciate that you are probably not in a position to walk away so putting a timescale and an action plan in place is a great idea.

    Someone suggested a little mini break, just you and your husband to think and talk. That's a great idea. Also the idea of chatting with your employers to see what they come up with.

    In the meantime, if you can afford it, I would suggest getting a cleaner now and again. If you are working long hours and have a long commute just offloading some of your domestic chores would give you a break and a breathing space.

    Good luck. It can be done. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.
  • Hello all


    Very similar stories to mine, I was on the treadmill of a very busy stressful job with a long commute. My turning point came because I do five year plans and every new year review what I want to do.


    When I was in the middle of a busy career it was all a blur and I went from one week , month to the next like the typical hamster on the wheel. One New Year I sat with a glass of wine having relaxed over Christmas and thought ' can I see myself doing this in five years ? The answer was no and from that date I worked towards a life style change. Even the decision for a date was motivating because the clock was ticking for my change.


    I sold my uber expensive car, my city centre flat and cut my cloth financially to get used to a reduced income.


    I bought some land for my horses ( saving 1500 a month on livery fees because I was too busy to do them myself ) Built a yard and set up home .


    I now work 3 mins from home in an admin job which has no stress and normal hours, no more answering emails at 1am in the morning or preparing presentations on Sundays.


    I even answer my phone now as I have time to catch up with family and friends.


    I am pleased I had the ' big' job though as it has set me up financially pension wise and asset wise but I am happier than ever and don't miss a flashy car etc etc.


    Go for it, life is just too short to not enjoy it.
  • Dear All

    Thank you so much for the support and advice I really appreciate it. I have had another frenetic work with lots of broken sleep and it is relentless at work. This week it has really hit home that I need to start taking action even if small steps. Working part time is not an option for the company I work for I have asked before. I am unable to afford to leave without another job although could take one with less pay and less of a commute.

    At the moment it is hard to find the energy to even think about it!

    It is heartening to hear of the stories from you who have left stressful jobs and have a better quality of life. I don't want downsize unless I have to as DH and I bought a modest but lovely property in an area we had dreamt of for a long time. It is in a great area but our lifestyle means we do not get to enjoy our beautiful surroundings very much.

    Tomorrow I am going to look at what our minimum budget would need to be and then I can see what hours/ salary I will need to work. DH and I will also need to see what we can cut down on.

    I do feel guilty as my salary has meant we have been able to afford a nice standard of living and I do feel guilty and worried that this will have to change because I can't continue juggling all the commitments I have.

    I think taking some time out to focus on this is a good idea, I intend to look at this properly when I am on holiday at xmas because up to then work/home is manic and although I have a long weekend booked off soon I suspect I will need this to recharge my batteries.

    Hope you all have a great weekend😄
  • bexster1975
    bexster1975 Posts: 1,576
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    I quite agree re: taking some time to make proper plans. Christmas holidays are not as far off as you think. If your home is where you both want to be, simply factor this into your minimum budget. No one else can tell you what your " essentials" are.

    I think in terms of a " nice standard of living" you have to think what that means. In a previous paragraph you say you and DH do t gave time to enjoy the lovely area you live in. It sounds much more a need to slow down than simply a desire. Consider the possible long term implications of not stepping away from the stressful role you currently have.

    I wish you the best of luck with your reflections. As long as you and DH are on the same page you will be able to sort things. Once you know your essentials, look at if you are getting them for the very best price ( gas, electric, car ins, home ins, etc). You will need much less cash for commuting, work clothes etc depending on how you change your role.

    Have a great Sunday, hope it's productive.

    Bexster :)
  • Dear Bexter

    Thank you for your support. You have hit the nail right on the head it is a need to slow down and smell the roses so to speak! and to be able to spend more time with the people I care about.

    I have such a lot be grateful for and despite knowing I need to do something to get off the hamster wheel try not to lose sight off this😄
  • moneyistooshorttomention
    moneyistooshorttomention Posts: 17,940 Forumite
    edited 11 November 2018 at 7:12AM
    suki1964 wrote: »
    We go to all the free events that interest us ( theres loads here as its a tourist area but most councils have something on )


    Just a note of caution here re the free events locally - to check whether your particular area has this okay or is one of those that basically never have free events. I've lived in my current area for a few years now - and think I've only been to a number of free events I can count on one hand during that time. There just aren't any - except the odd few for "families with children" and the odd few for those learning the Welsh language. For the majority of people - don't count on there being free events to go to.

    So one does need to check for the area concerned.

    I know that free events and lots of opportunities for voluntary (or political activist;)) work exist in my home area (which I've now moved from). There was very little restriction in my social life during periods of unemployment causing money problems - I was still very active thank you. But in some areas a lack of money would really cause you to struggle for "things to do". NB; Not forgetting the local cinema doesn't basically give concessions to pensioners (so no half price films in some areas then either).
  • bexster1975
    bexster1975 Posts: 1,576
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    Try not to give yourself such a hard time. It's not ungrateful to decide what you have is no longer what you want. It is exactly what I did. There was a great deal for me to be grateful for too. And I was. And I was also grateful for the ability to see it was no longer serving me in the way I needed. Simply by making the decision to change things, you will start to feel better. Thus time next year, who knows what will have changed. Exciting!

    Bexster :)
  • Poster 'money...' is quite right - you do have to look at what's available where you live, and what suits you. Also, councils may cut back on 'events' and subsidies.
    Having said that, I live in an area where the only council subsidised event is the annual firework display. But a combination of tradition, local businesses and loads of volunteers means that we can enjoy a lot of free or cheap events round the year.
    Between now & Xmas, you can look to see what's on and what would suit or please you.
    Good luck!
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,299
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    I don't really understand why 'free events' seem to be so important to some people :huh:
    No free events around here, and it's no big deal, although I suppose it depends on your likes/dislikes.

    It is, however, perfectly possible to live a happy and fulfilled life without organised entertainment :)
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  • Each to their own and some people aren't that bothered about there being organised social events.Some of us are more extrovert than others and/or are single and so have to go out for "company" and want things like music events for instance/chances to meet people generally - it's just the way the cookie crumbles.

    Others are bothered - but can pay whatever price is charged for them.

    Then there's ones that are bothered - but may not have the money to pay for a fully-paid-for type social life and do rely heavily on free social events.
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