OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

calicocat · 13 January 2014 at 8:26PM

LavenderBees wrote: »

Welcome Mummybobble. For an awful moment, I thought I would be chatting to myself...just like being at home, then :rotfl:

ETA - welcome the others, too! :j

Ok - this must be one of the hardest jobs that a singlie without family has to do...not meant to be morbid, but this year is the year I am going to sort out my paperwork, and by that I mean my will and my living will.

The problem I have is that I have no family at all that I want to leave my worldly goods to, in fact, unfortunately, I feel I need to make it water tight to stop toxic siblings getting anything. I spent a good part of this weekend, trying to think what I want to do, but it's incredibly hard.

Has anyone any experience of this? What sorts of things did you think about?

I will involve a solicitor at some point but clearly I need to put a great deal more thought into what I want my will to achieve, before I involve a professional.

hah!! How to start a new hopeful thread off, eh? Cheerful Charlie, that's me :rotfl:

I made my Will straight away to stop toxic relative getting involved with my affairs, so in a way did kind of rush things possibly, however this doesn't matter as I can always change things.

I thought about what my dad would want me to do, what he would think right and fair, also what I felt about things and who I wanted to support in my death.

I have no doubt that how I feel later may change, but for now I split it between the two areas. I left far family (nieces) some, I don't have any major contact with them and probably never will , but for now it seemed right and what my dad would have deemed 'right', then about friends who have been really good friends and supportive in the bad times, and have included them.

I haven't yet, as did it quickly, include any provision for any animals I may have. Last time when I had a dog with lots of medical expenses, I had organised who would look after him, and had a fund set up to cover his vets/medical bills too so that my friend who was kind enough to take him on wasn't massively out of pocket for doing so......he was like a walking mortgage, so it was also a financial commitment for someone.

Hope that is of some help.

skogar · 13 January 2014 at 8:30PM

Lands with bump.

LavenderBees · 13 January 2014 at 8:32PM

skogar wrote: »

Lands with bump.

That was some long jump...:T

I must remember to subscribe to this one or I'll think no one is talking to me :rotfl:

LavenderBees · 13 January 2014 at 8:42PM

calicocat wrote: »

I made my Will straight away to stop toxic relative getting involved with my affairs, so in a way did kind of rush things possibly, however this doesn't matter as I can always change things.

I thought about what my dad would want me to do, what he would think right and fair, also what I felt about things and who I wanted to support in my death.

I have no doubt that how I feel later may change, but for now I split it between the two areas. I left far family (nieces) some, I don't have any major contact with them and probably never will , but for now it seemed right and what my dad would have deemed 'right', then about friends who have been really good friends and supportive in the bad times, and have included them.

I haven't yet, as did it quickly, include any provision for any animals I may have. Last time when I had a dog with lots of medical expenses, I had organised who would look after him, and had a fund set up to cover his vets/medical bills too so that my friend who was kind enough to take him on wasn't massively out of pocket for doing so......he was like a walking mortgage, so it was also a financial commitment for someone.

Hope that is of some help.

Definitely, a really good point to start with. Thank you for being so open. I feel the need to get something official in place asap - who have you given copies of your will to? Just your solicitor or do you have a trusted friend or friends for that, too?

I've just been reading advice on humanist funerals (I'm not at all religious). I had assumed that I needed to put details of what I want in my will, but their advice is to make sure trusted friends know and have documentation saying what you'd like. Apparently, no point in putting it in the will as likely will be too late by the time its read!

I think I'm going to have to incentivise some good friends to take a copy and act on my behalf. This will have to be the same for my living will. A bottle of wine should do it

I think what I'm really concerned about is that, say I was in an accident, the police would track down toxic siblings a lot easier than good friends. I think I'll be putting friends' details on my phone to contact in case of emergency, and do the same at work, and at my GPs. I can't think of how else I can try to get my message across should I not be capable of it myself. If anyone can think of any other body (pun intended ):rotfl: that would help, please shout.

Anyone want to volunteer to be my executor? Joking, but only just... :rotfl:. It's really tough when you don't have family you can trust or rely on

Hmmm....shall we go back to talking about holidays :rotfl:

topsyturphy · 13 January 2014 at 8:43PM

I'm a married one, but found lots of helpful useful advice on the 1st post. My dh has been working away over last few weeks, so feel like a singly sometimes. Will probably just lurk in the background.

tessie_bear · 13 January 2014 at 8:51PM

hi im glad there is a new thread...with regards to wills have you made one ? if you go to a solicitor you can ask all the questions you have...we did it and cost about £100

calicocat · 13 January 2014 at 8:52PM

LavenderBees wrote: »

Definitely, a really good point to start with. Thank you for being so open. I feel the need to get something official in place asap - who have you given copies of your will to? Just your solicitor or do you have a trusted friend or friends for that, too?

I've just been reading advice on humanist funerals (I'm not at all religious). I had assumed that I needed to put details of what I want in my will, but their advice is to make sure trusted friends know and have documentation saying what you'd like. Apparently, no point in putting it in the will as likely will be too late by the time its read!

I think I'm going to have to incentivise some good friends to take a copy and act on my behalf. This will have to be the same for my living will. A bottle of wine should do it

I think what I'm really concerned about is that, say I was in an accident, the police would track down toxic siblings a lot easier than good friends. I think I'll be putting friends' details on my phone to contact in case of emergency, and do the same at work, and at my GPs. I can't think of how else I can try to get my message across should I not be capable of it myself. If anyone can think of any other body (pun intended ):rotfl: that would help, please shout.

Anyone want to volunteer to be my executor? Joking, but only just... :rotfl:. It's really tough when you don't have family you can trust or rely on

Hmmm....shall we go back to talking about holidays :rotfl:

Good point...I haven't given anyone copies as yet, but will do now you have mentioned it.

Where I think things will change possibly for us is that friendships as we know change, and not always for the better, and this is why I would imagine Will changes along the way will happen. Also....for instance, my good friend could be dead before me and not able to carry out my wishes. So we have to be quite fluid about this I feel.

As for the accident / living Will bit I haven't formed any major plan as yet....other than the cornflakes thing....lol.

It is something I plan on working on though....but i'm not even sure where to start.

Edit.....i'll do it for a bottle of wine as havn't got any here.....lol.

iammumtoone · 13 January 2014 at 9:01PM

Oh a singles thread, can I join please?

I am single with a six year old so whilst it is nice I have someone to talk to (as long as its about moshi monsters :rotfl:) it can be difficult sometimes having to do everything yourself.

Regarding a will. I don't have one I suppose I really should, you have got me thinking about that now, I wouldn't know where to start

LavenderBees · 13 January 2014 at 9:02PM

tessie_bear wrote: »

hi im glad there is a new thread...with regards to wills have you made one ? if you go to a solicitor you can ask all the questions you have...we did it and cost about £100

No, that's what I'm trying to work out. I think I'll feel much better, all fluffy and light, when it's in place. Thanks for the pointer on price. £100 is not too bad to get peace of mind.

But I'd like to know what I want in the will before I go, and then the solicitor can help me ensure that's what I get.

I agree with Calicocat that my will will be fluid...as friends come and go...as friendships change, as circumstances change. But then I guess it's the same for everyone.

I have a plan, I think -

1. Draft the basics of my will - things I don't want to forget - make appointment. Give sealed copies of will to trusted friends, with name of solicitor. Give solicitor details of friends. I don't want anyone getting ideas of bumping me off surreptitiously...;)

2. Draft basics of living will - make appt with GP to discuss - finalise and get it logged however it can be with NHS/GP. Ensure trusted friends have signed & witnessed copies. Ensure GP and phone has details of trusted friends

3. Draft funeral plan - I thought this would be awful to do, but I'm quite enjoying thinking of how I'd like to leave. Is this a substitute for my never had wedding?:o Anyway, an opportunity to be belle of the ball...ensure trusted friends have copies.

Hope trusted friends don't peg it before I do...will be darned inconvenient if they do ...:rotfl:

LavenderBees · 13 January 2014 at 9:03PM

calicocat wrote: »

Good point...I haven't given anyone copies as yet, but will do now you have mentioned it.

Where I think things will change possibly for us is that friendships as we know change, and not always for the better, and this is why I would imagine Will changes along the way will happen. Also....for instance, my good friend could be dead before me and not able to carry out my wishes. So we have to be quite fluid about this I feel.

As for the accident / living Will bit I haven't formed any major plan as yet....other than the cornflakes thing....lol.

It is something I plan on working on though....but i'm not even sure where to start.

Edit.....i'll do it for a bottle of wine as havn't got any here.....lol.

You're sooooo cheap :rotfl:

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OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

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