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    My home is a mess
    • #1
    • 10th Apr 11, 9:11 AM
    My home is a mess 10th Apr 11 at 9:11 AM
    Due to various reasons (ill health, work issues, family problems) over the past 6 months my home has become very messy and in certain places dirty

    I am so far behind with housework and so exhausted at the weekends that it is all I can do to keep up with the kitchen, bathroom and clothes, towels and bedding washing.

    OH has been great - helping with the tasks he is set but the house now needs

    1. A bloody good declutter
    2. A really deep clean
    3. Money spent on it

    The task is sooo over whelming that I would rather not start than start and get half way through and abandon it.


    I have read the declutter thread and the old style daily cleaning plan - the problem is that as soon as health deteriorates I lose track and the mess starts again. OH has to look after me when I am not well so he cant do that and pick up the house slack too.

    Have been up since 7 and done 3 washings - that is the darks, lights, towels and now I am doing the bedding. 10am and I am pooped.

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    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 14th Jun 16, 5:04 PM
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    Ok, thanks.

    Just cleared most of the living room for carpet guy. The book cases are staying, as is the chesterfield. Rooms look so much better when uncluttered.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

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    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 16th Jun 16, 3:54 PM
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    O my word! The house is TRULY Messy now.
    I did another run to Abakhan yesterday, more patterns - Simplicity were half price - and needed yellow binding to finish a top, and red cone of thread, so that justified my trip. Also bough a huge piece of pink stretch towelling (12) which will make DD and her 2 DD`s a dressing gown each, with a fair bit left over.
    House is now bulging with my stash, so...
    I did sort a binbag full of stuff from bedroom and take to CS this morning, then I started sewing/cutting out, and living room looks like a workshop! OH is okay with me leaving the table up and the stuff on it, if I try to put stuff away now I`ll end up in a muddle and take ages to get started again. I know.
    Still in the mood, just had to stop for a coffee as I`ve not bothered since noon!!
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 16th Jun 16, 8:24 PM
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    My kitchen is beautiful, but a lot of the kitchen stuff isn't in it.

    Last day with the builders and we have mostly been working on the kitchen. I realised that two of the units needed to be swapped over so on Tuesday night I spent up to 11.50 pm trying to clear stuff from the kitchen table and emptying drawers and cupboards into separate bags - this was a good move as I knew exactly which bag the forks were at the bottom of when I wanted to eat yesterday.

    So I now have plinths, a splash back behind the sink and cooker (made from leftovers of the cladding used on the bathroom ceiling) handles on all my doors (they owe me two replacements as the screws broke inside, but have a drawer full at home) the worktops are attached to the units and everything is sealed at the edges.

    Mr Builder has also put up a curtain rail and two curtain poles (DS2 had put up a pole and a narrow metal pole but had only screwed into the plaster not the wall and they were wobbly) so tonight I will not be bothered by the car park lights. Previously we were using one of the useless doors in front of the window but they contributed to the mould problem (now all sprayed and then freshly painted).

    Bathroom is beautiful and I love the laminate in DS3's room. Unfortunately we are having a wardrobe crisis. When I was moving things around to make room for the laminate man one of DS3's wardrobes crunched one of it's wheels. The laminate man fixed it but it's literally on it's last legs/ wheels. I don't want to move it around for fear of marking the floor.

    My wardrobe already had no doors and is crumbling at the edges, now the bottom is no longer attached to the left side. If it is to go outside my room (I use a corner of DS3's room, what was once part of the landing with the front of the wardrobe framed in a doorway into my room - I do have another doorway to get out of the room) it needs to have wheels on.

    Don't feel I can justify new wardrobes atm (really want to but most of the work has been essential and needed, can't spend on fripperies now). I had a quick look round the charity shops and there are choices there so I am hoping to patch up for now but go for a budget option if it doesn't work. I am hoping to put together a larger flat pack that never got finished and cannibalise bits from my existing one. In either case it needs to have wheels on - no more dragging or 'walking' things around.

    So house is mostly looking good (front room needs work as the plaster on the dpc repair needs to dry properly before being painted with special paint and then the floor can be done). This will last until I start getting things out from storage (under stairs and piled up around my bed) or more likely until DS3 gets home (Saturday).

    Still lots of painting for me to do and more workmen to come (roof man and door man and Mr Builder is coming on Sunday to do the pointing as the weather turned nasty).

    However I shall enjoy the tidiness whilst I can.
    Changing to a Life of Simplicity and Serenity with added rainbows
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    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 18th Jun 16, 8:58 AM
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    Well done Mothernerd, it`s great that you can see so much progress, it`s all coming together there by the sound of it.

    I spent most of yesterday cutting out/sewing again, then put away the decorators(cutting out) table and was quite surprised at how tidy LR still looked since my cleaning binge days ago! I`ve kept on top of things in the kitchen so it`s not as bad as I thought it`d get.
    I`ve made a couple of `mix & match` outfits for next door`s little DGD, one set in white spotted cotton lawn, the other in red satin-effect fabric. There`s a dress, pinny/sun dress, and shorts/bloomers in each set, and they are so cute! (I have a `bargain` roll of both materials, and still have miles left of both! The red stuff is a pig to cut and sew, now I know why it was so cheap, but the white spotty cotton is a doddle so it even things up a bit!)
    I have done this stuff purely for enjoyment as this little girl is the only small female in my immediate circle of acquaintance, though I did a lot with her mum when she was still at school, and she`s really chuffed with my efforts. I just have to do last minute finishing off after a trying on session this weekend when they visit next door.

    I`m working a long day on Monday and a late on Tuesday, so not starting any new projects. Apart from the finishing bits for next door, I`m concentrating on planning decent `easy`meals/leaving things tidy till middle of next week, and if the weather forecast is to be believed maybe get a WM load outside and a bit more jungle clearance done and plant a few bits - have some purple asters and sweet peas to find suitable spots for.
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 18th Jun 16, 6:24 PM
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    Spent most of the day trying to tidy (fairly sporadically as my back hurts and I am tired). Cleared the space behind my bed (about 2' x 9' 3") and mopped it. Put a couple of things that had come out of DS3's filing cabinets/ bedside tables back into them. Luckily both DS2 and DS1 have visited today as they picked up the filing cabinets and put them on a small table and helped with screwing the sets of wheels on the bottom.

    Nearly had free wardrobes this afternoon. DS2 was going back to wait for some a friend was donating to put in his spare room (3rd bedroom). So I cadged them instead. However when they tried to dismantle them for moving, they fell apart. I have been given a matching set of drawers plus two small 3 drawer bedside units which will help, but wardrobes would have been better.

    Still thinking about what to shuffle where - if undies and toiletries went in the tiny drawers and t-shirts and jumpers into the 'new' large set of drawers, I could free up the existing set of drawers for bedding (maybe dresses for the time being) and then wait until things start breaking/ watch charity shops until I see something I love (the ones that do furniture have a high turnover - looked on Tuesday and several items, including a large wardrobe they were only just assembling, had sold by yesterday.

    When I came on-line I found DS3 had left a message saying he is coming back on Monday now, so I can carry on plodding, doing a bit at a time and get things in better order. If I get a sudden surge of energy I will paint the rest of the stairs (top half is in DS3's room but lots of gloss on sides and then emulsion - only a triangle on one side).

    I am having a cull of diy bits - handles, hinges and recognisable bits will go tot he charity shop, the rest will be binned. All saved, often for many years but going to cut back now, hopefully will be able to find the things I need when I need them.

    Will need to do a bit more before bedtime as I have drawers (from the never been put together wardrobe) on my bed. I could cope with the basket of laundry and the two wardrobe sides (put there for Mr Builder to stand on when my curtain rail went up) but I am not sleeping with drawers - I put them there when I was dismantling the piles of stuff on top of the small furniture items I have painted purple for DS3, so I could move them back into his room.
    Changing to a Life of Simplicity and Serenity with added rainbows
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    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 18th Jun 16, 9:00 PM
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    Had the `trying on` session with next door DGD - well, kids have changed! My lot used to whinge at trying on, this little sweetie was like one born to be a model, but then whinged at taking the pinny dress & bloomers OFF! (It was the red set, she really seems to like it. )
    No sooner had little one and her mama left than my very own DGD (eldest) arrived - her mum had tried to phone earlier but must have been when I was outside planting up the sweet peas, but she figured (rightly of course) that there`d be someone in when she got here. Exams are over, DGD is a happy bunny now, and so am I as I wasn`t expecting to see her for another week or so, and now she`s here for the week.
    I`d made a huge rice salad, with HM honey & mustard dressing that I`d made too much of anyway(a bit more this & that, taste it, a bit more honey, then a bit more mayo..., so just boiled a few extra eggs and cut up some more tomato and opened another pack of smoked mackerel.
    Now we`re all stuffed, she`s in with her dad watching something online and giggling like a bubbly drain - sweet music to my ears!
    I`m off to bed, leave them to it.
    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 22nd Jun 16, 8:20 AM
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    I`ve been at work the last 2 days, so no `spare` energy left over for housework - considering that, it`s not too bad here at the minute. DGD has been keeping on top of the washing up, so I haven`t come home to a sinkful of mugs and snacky plates which was lovely.
    Today she wants to go to Abakhan, so we`re having a girlie day out - when she gets up.
    I am not going to go mad there this time.
    I know, I have said that before....
    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 4th Jul 16, 3:28 PM
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    I`m reviewing my Messy Status since i last posted here.

    Excuses first - have had eldest DGD here for a fortnight, plus spent Saturday taking her home to her mum. Doing some `fun` stuff with her, and shopping, enjoyed life.

    Weather - so changeable, not conducive to great works in jungly garden, and even the change in daylight indoors puts me off getting a real steam up to binge the house.

    Work - the odd shift has intervened, so has the `e-learning` stuff we`re having to do online now, the content is ok but the website is a pain.

    Progress -
    I have taken loads of stuff to chazzer. Mostly mine and DGD`s stuff that no longer fits and hasn`t for ages. Well overdue to leave the premises!
    I have un-trashed bedroom, not as thorough a job as I`d intended, but this is my downfall, putting a task off till I feel like doing a complete blitz at it. The bit that got me started was OH needing the desk cleared to use his lightbox on it.
    (As a FLAT SURFACE, it is prone to attract a mountain of random stuff on it -mostly mine!- and the more random the stuff the longer it takes to sort through and the less one feels inclined to do it.)
    I have also done fridge and freezer tetris, and today cooking ahead for the next 3 days as I`m at work Tuesday late and Wednesday all day. A smoked ham in applejuice and a thawed lump of boned lamb shoulder, so just a bit of sauce to make and veg to steam when I get home.

    I`ve cut out 5 more little dresses for next door`s little DGD, so next time I get a sewing mood there`s plenty to just get going on.

    Utter defeat -
    The garden that I did so much hard work in a few weeks ago has totally been reclaimed by the jungle. Very disheartening.
    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 30th Jul 16, 9:49 PM
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    Hi folks, Haven`t posted in a while but guess what - still Messy here!
    My DD has needed much ear-bending time as she recently took on her new-ish partners 3 kids as well as her own 5, & she is only too glad to have them after the stuff they`ve told her and their dad & social services, they are in the mix too, but all still on a very temporary footing, much still to be sorted.
    I am SO proud of my lass, she`s a great mum and a real coper, they`re all getting on so well with each other and the young newcomers are lovely, I`m getting attached to them myself! There`s a lovely `normal` stable family atmosphere under that bulging roof, but as my DD told the kids SW she was brought up in a home with `elastic walls`.

    The `what next` bit is naturally a source of anxiety so DD has been the gliding swan to everyone else and the feet underwater paddling like mad to me!!

    The practicalities - I have had a good sort-out of spare bedding, towels, and lots of my un-needed stash has gone to a good home - literally! Also, as there`s a potential risk of abduction, they don`t do `out to play` at the moment, so need to keep themselves occupied indoors a lot, I`ve sorted out loads of stashed craft materials and stationery - so much random stuff that was just taking up space here and has made little faces light up.

    You`d think MY house would be the better for this, but `tis not so, because I`m still on the rummage here. Before this family event, I DID manage to complete the sewing for next door`s DGD, and had a tidy of my sewing patterns and fabric stash. I am LONGING to start making stuff for the new little people in our lives, but holding back for a bit till things are a bit more settled. A little girl I`d never met till last week called me `Nain` today, because she`s heard my youngest DGD say it and it`s so weird how this bonding thing works, I`m used to feeling `instant bonded` with elderly patients, but this one knocked me sideways - I am already totally on side with DD and partner, and their houseful of fantastic kids. Love is a very widely used and abused word, and potentially those who love get hurt, but I am feeling very loving towards 3 new members of my family.
    My house may be messy, my garden has turned into total rampant jungle, but there are bees, birds, squirrels and a regular hedgehog out there so who cares! I`ll catch up with some of it, sometime.
    • candygirl
    • By candygirl 30th Jul 16, 10:06 PM
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    Wow EMM , kudos to your DD for taking the little ones in .Hope it works out for you all
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004)
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 30th Jul 16, 11:45 PM
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    Wonderful post Emm. I was a bit worried that the thread had stalled again and I too am still in a mess.

    My front room is clear as I only recently took down the couches (which have been under sheets and plastic wrap during the building 'works'). Struggled to get the net curtain up (done now) and stalled on the curtains.

    My builders have finally left (dpc repair, repair to window chimney, electrical repair, complete new bathroom including a shower, a mirror and panelling on all the walls and ceiling so I never have to balance on a builders plank between a window sill and a stool trying to reach inaccessible corners or cope with the lack of straight walls - Mr Builder swore a lot fixing those odd walls, finishing touches to kitchen). Plus laminate floors in three rooms and eveywhere but the kitchen painted (was originally scheduled for September). the roofer can't come until late September/ early October.

    The doctor decide not to renew the vitamin D tablets and the symptoms are returning. I have unpacked 7 bags and baskets of my stuff (essential paperwork/ clothes - my wardrobe gave up the ghost when it was moved, one of DS3's crunched one of it's wheels but the laminate man fixed it, for now).

    Some things are back in place (front room and bathroom look wnderful as they only have a few bits in them). Kitchen is a bombsite as all the replaced bits + things brought from the shed at old house are in there. I need/ dream about a skip but am still dithering.

    Last Friday (8 days ago not yesterday) had a phone call from mum where she ended up shouting that I never visit her, phone her or do anything for her. It's not true, close friends and family know it's not true but it still hurts. Went last Saturday (more crying and shouting, luckily partner's son managed to talk her down and I kept my temper) and on Monday. Previously went 2 weeks before.

    The intervening week was a party for her partner, the nicer members of his family had other engagements and the obnoxious (self-opinionated, racist, sexist and about as much use as chocolate teapots) ones were so I had said I wasn't going. Mum then invited my ex (the man who gambled away all our money and never paid a penny maintenance for our three boys). She thinks he's lovely.

    She has never been in any pain until she had shingles before Christmas. When she was in hospital 2 years ago she was contemptuous about painkillers and frequently makes disparaging remarks about people who are 'so-called disabled'. Now she's in pain (not constant) and has no idea how to deal with it other than by yelling at me (because everything is my fault).

    I thought I was dealing with it, doing a very good job of letting it flow over me, not dwelling on it. Until Wednesday when I began to come unravelled and realised that I hadn't been sleeping properly (keeping it at bay during the day but not when I went to bed. So met with my counsellor yesterday and limiting my contact with mum for the time being to protect myself. Will see the doctor next week to ask for anti-depressants (not fond of them) and/ or the lovely vitamin d tablets (blood test came back normal but I was still taking the tablets when I had the test - previously didn't want to bother the doctor when so many people talk about the difficulty in getting to see one).

    The irony is, in the two week gap between visits (because I missed the party week) I spent 3 days making and writing invitations for a surprise 81st/ belated 80th birthday party for her and 3 days delivering them (want her old friends from the Mother's Union to come but not all at once so arranging for them to 'drop in' a few at a time). Ah well a daughter's place (well this daughter's place) is in the wrong.

    Hoping your daughter's extended family remain happy and safe Emm.
    Last edited by mothernerd; 30-07-2016 at 11:47 PM.
    Changing to a Life of Simplicity and Serenity with added rainbows
    NST Jul #1 SFD 13/17 Food 172.45/160 Travel 15.20/20 Ent 0/12 Diy 0/10 Ext trainers 129.99
    No Debt No mortgage
    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 31st Jul 16, 10:39 AM
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    Mothernerd, no wonder you feel down even though you know your mums rantings are unjustified, all the more reason to feel hurt. It is so unfair, but that doesn`t make it easier to deal with, does it?
    While you`re waiting for the GP appointment, take a look at what you have achieved, do a sort of `positives` stock-take. Have a smile at your laminate floors and enjoy the thought that they`ll be so much easier to keep clean.

    Re this thread stalling - I suppose it`s only natural, as Messy folks stall too. I certainly have! Every time I think I`m getting on top of something home & gardenwise, some other part is creeping back into chaos again. I no longer beat myself up about it, just every now and again think I`m winning and enjoy that when it happens.
    My DD`s situation helps put things into perspective, there are more important things in life than a tidy house!
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 31st Jul 16, 7:30 PM
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    Absolutely agree with you Emm although that may be part of the problem. Living alone with three boys for so long certainly made me drop my standards but as DS2 once pointed out (he was about 10 at the time) 'It's our house/ home too'.

    My ex once said that I was the best mother he had ever met and also the worst housekeeper and that he didn't know anyone who had managed so successfully to separate the two roles. Don't think he meant it as a compliment but it's actually the nicest thing he ever said to me. I once read a book about a single parent who cleaned for a number of clients. She had names for each client including a teacher who's initial instructions were to keep the house "just above dysentery level" which is a philosophy I have some sympathy with. If the house is clean enough that no one gets sick, that's good enough. Overheard the nurses in A & e once complaining about children with no immune system as their mothers killed any hint of a germ and the poor kids had never been exposed to 'normal levels of dirt'. As Dara O'Braian always says, 'If you find some dirt in your kitchen the best thing you can do for your toddler is to wipe their face in it".

    Have had a lovely restful day today. I did so much walking yesterday that my ankles and knees were still wobbly at noon + dizziness has escalated. Got the 'duty' visit to mum over with so now have the whole week free.

    Think I have decided to have the skip. Paid double Council tax last time (I was unsure if there would be a delay or stoppage to my WTC - they have changed the rules for self-employed people) so I have enough in this month's budget without to cover the cost without reducing my planned savings. Committed myself by finding the relevant page in Yellow pages.

    Some of the things to go in the skip are over 20 years and most are around 12/13 years so a skip so probably the equivalent of a small load once a year for 15 years. Will feel so much better when it is gone. For many years I needed to keep things like this in case something needed repairing. Now I don't. I have a small emergency fund and if I have a clear space to work and think, I should be able to rebuild my business and bring in a modest income.

    Without the added clutter I can focus on what I need to tackle next.
    Last edited by mothernerd; 31-07-2016 at 7:33 PM.
    Changing to a Life of Simplicity and Serenity with added rainbows
    NST Jul #1 SFD 13/17 Food 172.45/160 Travel 15.20/20 Ent 0/12 Diy 0/10 Ext trainers 129.99
    No Debt No mortgage
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 1st Aug 16, 12:48 AM
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    No clearing out for me at the moment: I'm in the USA, where not a cup dare be out of place with DIL!

    DS has an operation tomorrow, a stray screw after three ACL ops. We are on duty as DIL has to travel.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Emm-in-a-pickle
    • By Emm-in-a-pickle 3rd Aug 16, 2:25 PM
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    Hi Messies!

    Pol, you do get about! Hope your DS is doing well, and you`re enjoying the Granny-time.

    Mothernerd, I totally agree with you that there is danger in over-sanitising everything (not here, btw!). That, as well as the over-use of antibiotics, is why the so-called `superbugs` have evolved.

    My DD`s extended family are doing fine, the newcomers are enjoying their food, as she cooks from scratch and believes in breakfast, 2 things they haven`t been used to before - and they`re loving it! Also, like her own they are mucking in with chores and enjoying `helping`. (To varying degrees)

    I had a Stardrops` day today. Started with the cooker hob, and have wiped down/scrubbed everything else in the kitchen, my white-goods are white again! This was long overdue, and while I was at it I have done 3 WM loads, mostly towels and bedding (now I don`t have a big stash of spares it seemed like a good idea.)
    Last load just went on the line, the first 2 have dried nicely outside. I was going to do a bit of jungle clearing, but ended up just trampling down enough to access washing line. OH says not to worry, it`ll all die back in the autumn anyway.
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