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    Former MSE Debs
    Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?
    • #1
    • 9th Feb 12, 12:21 PM
    Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills? 9th Feb 12 at 12:21 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?


    When I moved in with my husband two years ago, we agreed to each pay half of all bills. He now earns twice as much as I do, so is it now a little unfair? I can afford to pay my half of the bills and still have money to buy clothes, go out, etc, but I struggle to save. My husband isn't mean, and happily pays for meals out more often than I do. But it's unfair I need to pay as much when he has more disposable income than I do. Should I ask him to contribute a greater share of the bills?


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    Last edited by Former MSE Penelope; 28-02-2012 at 4:07 PM.
Page 13
  • Bodincus
    The cart in front of the horse...
    I feel I have to explain again, because most of the posters concentrated their attention on the munnies.

    It's the economy, stupid!

    Money has NO use, it's only a conventional method we use to assign a cost or a value to something.

    The value of the Pound you have in your wallet is not absolute (inflation) nor fixed (currency exchange fluctuations), and if you are giving that lump of metal or piece of paper so much meaning, you're barking at the wrong tree.

    You can't eat money, you can't drink money, you can't heat your house with money, you can't dress yourself with money.
    You can have all the money in the world, but if all of the world's water is contaminated, you can't drink a drop of it.
    If there is no wheat to make bread, you can have all the money in the universe, but you're going to starve.

    Too many of you are obsessed with money, and can't see beyond that. Money is a convention, what has real value are things.

    You buy things with money. You pay services with money. Money is a vector, a force. But if you can't apply that force to a solid point, you're not moving.

    When you spend money for items that the whole household benefits from, in equal measure, it's only fair that everybody in the household shares the cost in equal measure.

    When you spend money on thing for yourself, you can do it only if you have contributed to the maintenance of the communal household items you benefit from, and there is (lucky you!) spare cash left.

    Money is not yours, you don't own a penny, ever.

    When you have cash with you, you are carrying a deed from the bank that printed the banknote, or the Mint that coined it.

    When your bank account has a nominal amount of pounds in it, you are merely recognised a credit.

    Therefore, nobody ever owns money.

    If you say the money is yours, you knowingly lie to yourself.
    But you can own things. If you accept this principle, everything automatically descends from it.

    Again, anything else is an illusion based on false pretences.
    Keep your cool
    • Violet8
    • By Violet8 5th Mar 12, 1:37 PM
    • 30 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    Violet8
    I'm going to share our situation because it sounds like it's in the minority!

    For us personally I would say to the OP that she should pay 50% IMO but understand that Iím a bit weird and the alternative is also perfectly reasonable.

    There's not much in age between me and my OH but I'm 6 years out of uni and into a career whereas he was a "late bloomer" and still has three years to go studying. Currently I work full time and he has a part time student job. Not counting the student loan, I earn more than four times what he does just now.

    We have been together for almost 9 years and have lived together for most of that. I have only just this month set up a new basic current account in my name only in order for the shared bills to come out of (TV licence, broadband, gas and elec). We both put in half the amount. Previously he transferred half to my other main account.

    We also put money into this account now for the food shopping and any other household incidentals, meals out, cinema etc. When it comes to this I put in slightly more than him £48/week vs £23/week. We have both discussed this and although we both think it is unfair that I put in more, I donít mind as I want him to repay his student loan as quickly as possible when he is finished. Previously, TECHNICALLY I paid for the groceries etc and we calculated half for him to pay me back but we both were terrible at bothering with this so I paid for them really. I also tend to pay for things slightly more when it comes to holidays etc as it is usually me that finds stuff for us to do and I acknowledge that if I want to do something fun (but expensive) with him then I am going to need to pay for it. This doesnít sit well him though and we keep track of what half is as he intends to pay me back (Iím not expecting to see any of this though, Iíd rather he saved more for a house or something when he has the money to and he knows this).

    Of our remaining money, it is entirely our own. He tends to get by on only his wages so his student loan remains in the bank unused (but not in a savings account, which infuriates me :P) I actually spend less than him on a day to day basis so I save a fair bit of mine but have more expenses as the house is mine and so I have recently had to pay for some repairs, replacement white goods etc. We still discuss purchases though and wouldnít spend on a big ticket item without talking about it with the other.

    This works great for us. We both donít believe in marriage so that may be why we also think similarly on this. I heard from a colleague recently who paid proportionally towards the bills as her bf had a higher wage and thought that was very weird so this thread has opened my eyes!
    • Cuidadosa
    • By Cuidadosa 5th Mar 12, 7:56 PM
    • 128 Posts
    • 537 Thanks
    Cuidadosa
    This works great for us. We both donít believe in marriage so that may be why we also think similarly on this. I heard from a colleague recently who paid proportionally towards the bills as her bf had a higher wage and thought that was very weird so this thread has opened my eyes!
    Originally posted by Violet8
    I'm only highlighting that bit so the next person who reads Violet8's post can focus on that rather than on "if you don't share everything you don't really love each other" statements.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 5th Mar 12, 9:43 PM
    • 31,631 Posts
    • 81,065 Thanks
    Mojisola
    This works great for us. We both donít believe in marriage so that may be why we also think similarly on this. I heard from a colleague recently who paid proportionally towards the bills as her bf had a higher wage and thought that was very weird so this thread has opened my eyes!
    Originally posted by Violet8
    I'm only highlighting that bit so the next person who reads Violet8's post can focus on that rather than on "if you don't share everything you don't really love each other" statements.
    Originally posted by Cuidadosa
    The vital word in Violet's quote is "us". If couples have a method that suits them both, good for them.

    As soon as one member of the partnership isn't happy with it - as in the OP, the situation needs to be revised.

    There is no right or wrong, just what couples are happy with for themselves.
  • hardtoexplain
    Me and my partner are not currently married, been together and living for 3 years. He earns 22k, I earn about 9k. We pay 50/50 apart from he pays for the sports on Sky. I find this fair and I wouldn't want it any other way to be honest, we are not at that stage where we feel the need to pool our income BUT if we did ever get married I think it would be the same, joint account for rent, bills etc and seperate accounts for everything else. And we would both pay an equal share despite income as long as both parties could afford it.

    Not only that I don't believe it needs to be a case of pooling rescources etc aside from living costs. I quite like saying 'oh I'll get this' or 'let me pay for this tonight' etc we split everything equally that way and, as my partner earns more, he can at times do more things and pay for it.
    There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well...
    • jamespir
    • By jamespir 6th Mar 12, 8:43 AM
    • 18,725 Posts
    • 19,767 Thanks
    jamespir
    Surely that would mean that he splits his money in half with her? Then he should "pay more"?

    Shouldn't the money all be pooled and then divided out, "what is mine is yours etc"
    Originally posted by Aldahbra
    what i mean is say hes earning 350 a week and she earns 200 they add it together take of the bills say they are 250 so that leaves 300 left so they split it two ways and have 150 each left for spends
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
    • Cuidadosa
    • By Cuidadosa 6th Mar 12, 11:55 AM
    • 128 Posts
    • 537 Thanks
    Cuidadosa
    what i mean is say hes earning 350 a week and she earns 200 they add it together take of the bills say they are 250 so that leaves 300 left so they split it two ways and have 150 each left for spends
    Originally posted by jamespir
    Well, technically, that means he's paying "more". He's paying 150 more than her for the same "extra" benefit (150 left for spends)
  • mrpointy
    I used to earn 3 times what my partner earnt (when she finally agreed to get a job & stop sponging off of me that is), and because of this I paid a much bigger share of all the bills. She spent the first three years saying she didn't want to go to work, so I supported her totally during that time.

    Of course, despite her only paying a token amount towards the mortgage/bills etc. when she went off sleeping with other people & decided to go & live with them, she still got half of the house!!!

    I would never suggest going into a relationship assuming it will end, but always bear in mind that when it comes to finance, the law is skewed wildly in favour of women! There's no such thing as equality when it comes to divorce settlements!!!!
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 6th Mar 12, 1:05 PM
    • 31,631 Posts
    • 81,065 Thanks
    Mojisola
    I would never suggest going into a relationship assuming it will end, but always bear in mind that when it comes to finance, the law is skewed wildly in favour of women! There's no such thing as equality when it comes to divorce settlements!!!!
    Originally posted by mrpointy
    There is - there have been threads on here about the same situation where a wife has kept a useless husband, only for him to walk away with half the assets of the marriage.
    • BNT
    • By BNT 6th Mar 12, 5:37 PM
    • 2,679 Posts
    • 4,203 Thanks
    BNT
    There's no such thing as equality when it comes to divorce settlements!!!!
    Originally posted by mrpointy
    The law isn't about equality; it is about equity (subject to the competence of the lawyers involved, of course).
  • bestie89
    What happened to 'all that I have I share with you'? That means that nothing belongs to you it belongs to both of you. All this splitting bills is crazy. The money I earn is also my wife's - I don't have a right to any of it and neither does she.
    • olliedog
    • By olliedog 14th Mar 12, 4:03 PM
    • 40 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    olliedog
    I have been married to my lovely husband for 37 years. There has NEVER been any yours or mine. Everything in our marriage is OURS. Why are you asking us? You should be discussing it with him.
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