Opening up to partner about debt!

SuperFrank88 · 16 January 2020 at 7:02PM

Hello everyone, firstly thank you all for the replies. This is why I love this site because you take the rough with the smooth. I do agree with you all. For me this it's all about baby steps. It has taken a lot for me to pull my head out of the sand and at least start the process of getting myself sorted. I just wanted to tell her the fact that I was in debt but I had a plan in place to get it sorted. I have done my SOA for when I start my DMP and will be able to throw £600pm at it until my car is paid off this time next year and then it will be close to £900pm. So I am looking to have it all done and dusted in 3 years.

My partner has just started a full time degree course which will last 3 years so we were always going to be living frugally for the next few years.

shadow7uk · 17 January 2020 at 12:25PM

Tell her the full story!

I didn't and it came and bit me in the !!! hard!!!

BlueJ94 · 18 January 2020 at 8:18PM

Retireby40 wrote: »

We arent being judgemental but in any relationships transparency is paramount? Do you not agree?

Do you not agree that the amount does matter? We arent trying to pick faults but it's something very normal.

I can see where you’re coming from with this, but I also haven’t told my OH how much debt I’m in, it’s not loads but he does know I am in debt.

Retireby40 · 18 January 2020 at 9:06PM

Why did you choose not to tell him the amount?

How long have you been with them?

BlueJ94 · 19 January 2020 at 2:52PM

Retireby40 wrote: »

Why did you choose not to tell him the amount?

How long have you been with them?

Me? We’ve been together for 4 years. I haven’t told him the amount due to the fact he hasn’t asked, if he was to ask I would tell him of course

he has told me if I ever do need help with debt that he’s always there to help me. I’ve told him it’s not a huge amount and I’ll be debt free soon.

Retireby40 · 19 January 2020 at 3:14PM

I think it is because I have seen how debt can ruin relationships, friendships, families and it's why I am very much of the be upfront and honest about it.

Not even for your own benefit but for the benefit and peace of mind of your partner.

As I said before maybe a grand or 2 isn't such a big deal if that has built up over a year or two due to a few unfortunate events or maybe just living slightly above your means.

However someone who's £25-30-35k in debt is different. That's going to take years of financial restrictions and possible problems down the line with future credits like a mortgage.

Also if you state the amount and your intentions it makes it easier to be accountable.

Takmon · 20 January 2020 at 11:42AM

jadewest94 wrote: »

Me? We’ve been together for 4 years. I haven’t told him the amount due to the fact he hasn’t asked, if he was to ask I would tell him of course he has told me if I ever do need help with debt that he’s always there to help me. I’ve told him it’s not a huge amount and I’ll be debt free soon.

Do you not live together then?

If you live together i think it's very important that you discuss your fiances in detail with your partner. Even if your not in debt you need to know each other's finances to be able to budget together and make the most of your combined money.

BlueJ94 · 20 January 2020 at 2:38PM

Takmon wrote: »

Do you not live together then?

If you live together i think it's very important that you discuss your fiances in detail with your partner. Even if your not in debt you need to know each other's finances to be able to budget together and make the most of your combined money.

No we don't at the minute, hes moving back in, in June. It's complicated.
He's self employed and I don't believe I need to know anything about his finances at all yet. We will eventually go through our finances together when we start saving for a house. We don't currently combine our money because I'm in debt and he shouldn't be having to deal with it as it's my own doing.

When we do save/buy a house of course we will know each others finances but I'll be debt free by then anyway. :T

Takmon · 20 January 2020 at 2:57PM

jadewest94 wrote: »

No we don't at the minute, hes moving back in, in June. It's complicated.
He's self employed and I don't believe I need to know anything about his finances at all yet. We will eventually go through our finances together when we start saving for a house. We don't currently combine our money because I'm in debt and he shouldn't be having to deal with it as it's my own doing.

When we do save/buy a house of course we will know each others finances but I'll be debt free by then anyway. :T

That makes sense then why he didn't ask how much debt you have if you don't live together. But as soon as you live together as a couple i believe it's important to openly discuss and plan finances.

pencakes26 · 20 January 2020 at 5:12PM

Just dropping in to say hi.

I am in a large amount of debt and on a DMP. Everything is going smoothly with it so far, but as you all say it means my disposable income is less.

I kept all of this hidden previously (and still do to a point) but opened up to the guy I have been seeing. It might seem a bit like a bit of a leap to tell someone so early on, but I see him being a big part of my future and I wanted him to know that I had financial baggage. Not that it would effect his finances, but I felt like he had the right to know. It also took the pressure off saying no to going out or going on expensive dates.

This was entirely my choice and was right for my situation. What works for me may not work for others, and I know how hard it is to confess the debts. I'm glad I did, but again it's not for everyone.

Good luck on your journey - the support of an OH means a lot, even if it's just moral support and a hug when needed!

Opening up to partner about debt!

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