parents full time working

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  • iammumtoone
    iammumtoone Posts: 6,377
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    Thank you all I am considering all the points.

    Couple of things come to mind at what age BrassicWoman did you come to wish your mother had worked?My son will hate me for working full time (he has really low self esteem anyway and will think I have just abandoned him :() I am hopeful this feeling wont last and someday he will understand why I did it (if I do). I can't image any 10 year old being happy about it regardless of any difficulties.

    Someone made a point about making dinner whilst child gets changed that hit home that this household is not your average household (you tend to forget this on the smaller things as you live with them everyday and they just become the way of life). My son cannot get changed by himself he needs monitoring it takes at least 20mins of my nagging/encouraging him to do so, he doesn't like clothes takes them all off as soon as he gets in I let this go as it is not a battle I choose to fight at least now he is older I have manged to get him to wear a dressing grown (dreading the day it gets worn up and we have to find a new one) then normally he will have to go back and re-do something as he has put something on the wrong way round/forgotten to put on pants etc.

    The person who said to get into a bedtime routine, trust me this is not the case. I know I am not perfect I do many things wrong BUT he does have a bedtime routine always has done. He does not sleep not due to the routine but due to his ADHD, his brain does not shut off.

    There are also lots of point that I can implement and very good tips for working parents.
  • svain
    svain Posts: 516
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    I'm sorry to say this, but it doesn't really sound as if working full time is the right thing for your current situation. It would be hard enough without your son's disability and illness, but taking that into account I think you would exhaust yourself trying to just manage each week!

    There is no shame in claiming benefits if that's what you need to do in order to live and care for your child with additional needs.

    im also in this camp. Although getting a full time job is admirable, your children will hardly see you in the week, and when they do it will all be rushed with preparing for next day, homework etc with little quality fun time . The stress you will be putting yourself under will be significant and difficult to hide.

    Part time work topped up with benefits is the better balance imo. Quality time that kids spend with parents seems very underrated for some families which is a real shame.
  • mark5
    mark5 Posts: 1,361
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    I'm normally in favour of people working full time and claiming less off the state but in your case I think I would try and stay part time and claiming tax credits until your son is in comprehensive.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,110
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    I know people are saying do part-time work instead and I recognise that that would probably be best for the OP's situation but you have to take what the local (commutable) job market offers.

    I'm married and my kids don't have additional needs but I found it pretty much impossible with a husband who worked away, to find a part-time job which ran within the hours of available childcare. Part-time jobs where I live are frequently early starts,evening and weekend work, none of which I could find childcare for and there was 8am-6pm wrap around care for 51 weeks of the year, practically on my doorstep. The office jobs here are mostly f-time, with the exception of public sector work, which is difficult to find.

    The OP may well live in a place like I do and is thinking of taking something, which whilst longer hours won't be as difficult for her to sort out childcare wise.
  • GwylimT
    GwylimT Posts: 6,530
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    Our son had additional needs (fairly severe physical disability and global delay).

    Homework, we do it at the table after we have all eaten.

    Appointments, I take it as holiday or unpaid leave depending on how my work place choose to approve it.

    Cleaning, little bits here and there, we also have a cleaner.

    Clubs where we are are around 4:30 so we go straight from school.

    Childminders often take secondary age children, schools also usually have a homework club, so he can use that when he has homework.

    Food shopping I do while they're at the childminders as they whinge otherwise.
  • iammumtoone
    iammumtoone Posts: 6,377
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    There was an instance today which has put me off working full time. My son came home and bless him had to ask me to wipe his bum :o this is not uncommon he is not able to wipe himself properly (has coordination issues confirmed by the paediatrician) He is too embarrassed at school to say anything so leaves it which makes him sore and uncomfortable.

    To leave him like that for another 3 -4 hours would not be nice for him.

    I wish I knew what would happen when this happens, he will never tell the school but I don't know if he would mention it to the child provider/relative ( I don't think he would but the sorer it got I suppose he wouldn't be left with a choice to tell them meaning the next time he might mention it sooner) I have no way of knowing what would happen until its too late I can't do anything about it (ie I can't leave the job if I start it) .

    The other thing is at the child provider he will have no choice but to leave his clothes on, meaning leaving his pants on which most days come home slightly wet as he is unable to get to the toilet in time (again something that he would never confess to at school) I am wondering if leaving it longer would make him sore for this as well or could even have the opposite effect and focus his mind to make sure he got there on time.

    Oh gosh I sound like a dreadful parent potentially putting him through this but if I don't take this job then sooner or later i will have to take one, this one is a very good wage I am not sure if an opportunity like this will come up again.
  • iammumtoone
    iammumtoone Posts: 6,377
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    Spendless wrote: »
    I know people are saying do part-time work instead and I recognise that that would probably be best for the OP's situation but you have to take what the local (commutable) job market offers.

    I'm married and my kids don't have additional needs but I found it pretty much impossible with a husband who worked away, to find a part-time job which ran within the hours of available childcare. Part-time jobs where I live are frequently early starts,evening and weekend work, none of which I could find childcare for and there was 8am-6pm wrap around care for 51 weeks of the year, practically on my doorstep. The office jobs here are mostly f-time, with the exception of public sector work, which is difficult to find.

    The OP may well live in a place like I do and is thinking of taking something, which whilst longer hours won't be as difficult for her to sort out childcare wise.

    ^^ is the situation here unfortunately.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,110
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    There was an instance today which has put me off working full time. My son came home and bless him had to ask me to wipe his bum :o this is not uncommon he is not able to wipe himself properly (has coordination issues confirmed by the paediatrician) He is too embarrassed at school to say anything so leaves it which makes him sore and uncomfortable.

    To leave him like that for another 3 -4 hours would not be nice for him.

    I wish I knew what would happen when this happens, he will never tell the school but I don't know if he would mention it to the child provider/relative ( I don't think he would but the sorer it got I suppose he wouldn't be left with a choice to tell them meaning the next time he might mention it sooner) I have no way of knowing what would happen until its too late I can't do anything about it (ie I can't leave the job if I start it) .

    The other thing is at the child provider he will have no choice but to leave his clothes on, meaning leaving his pants on which most days come home slightly wet as he is unable to get to the toilet in time (again something that he would never confess to at school) I am wondering if leaving it longer would make him sore for this as well or could even have the opposite effect and focus his mind to make sure he got there on time.

    Oh gosh I sound like a dreadful parent potentially putting him through this but if I don't take this job then sooner or later i will have to take one, this one is a very good wage I am not sure if an opportunity like this will come up again.
    I know you touched on the bolded part earlier in the thread and I was going to get around to commenting. Please don't take my word for it and check this yourself, but I think if you are a single parent and have to leave a job due to child issues (such as childcare) then you aren't sanctioned. Look into this before deciding.
  • iammumtoone
    iammumtoone Posts: 6,377
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    Spendless wrote: »
    I know you touched on the bolded part earlier in the thread and I was going to get around to commenting. Please don't take my word for it and check this yourself, but I think if you are a single parent and have to leave a job due to child issues (such as childcare) then you aren't sanctioned. Look into this before deciding.

    Really? thanks I will definitely check that. I always thought if you left a job you weren't entitled to anything.

    Do you know how I would have to prove that? The reason wouldn't be I had childcare issues - there is childcare available it would be that it wasn't right/suitable for my son, then I am back to square one I can't prove that it isn't right for him as I don't claim/won't get DLA.

    That would be my ideal to try it for 2-3 months and then make a decision based on how it was not how I think it is going to be, but I can't afford to do this if I can't claim JSA after. I also can't afford to take the risk of finding another job whilst working there, just doing the job will be hard enough to job search on top and wait until I get part time job (which are rare) will not be feasible.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,110
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    Really? thanks I will definitely check that. I always thought if you left a job you weren't entitled to anything.

    Do you know how I would have to prove that? The reason wouldn't be I had childcare issues - there is childcare available it would be that it wasn't right/suitable for my son, then I am back to square one I can't prove that it isn't right for him as I don't claim/won't get DLA.

    That would be my ideal to try it for 2-3 months and then make a decision based on how it was not how I think it is going to be, but I can't afford to do this if I can't claim JSA after. I also can't afford to take the risk of finding another job whilst working there, just doing the job will be hard enough to job search on top and wait until I get part time job (which are rare) will not be feasible.
    Gingerbread mentions problems with childcare as a reason for not being sanctioned on their fact sheets. It also mentions rules about single parents looking for work. I think to contact an organisation like them and put your scenario past them for some advice might be worth doing.

    https://gingerbread.org.uk/factsheet/32/Single-parents-and-Jobseeker%E2%80%99s-Allowance-%E2%80%93-special-rules
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