Coping mentally with a high debt level

karencks · 16 August 2018 at 10:44PM

Hi,

SInce realising the full extent of our debts I am struggling with mental strain of the amount we owe. Our debts are around the 56K mark, with an additional £1500 of BNPL items.

I do feel better now that we have a plan, but I can't get the figures out of my head. I am constantly adding up our debts, terrified that I have missed something out that that the total is actually higher - Did anyone experience this?

I have been through our budget again this evening and I know that this is affordable and that we can clear our debts. After all of our essential outgoings and a debt payments ( 2K as it includes a big over payment) we are left with in excess of £1500.

Do any of you guys struggle to cope with your debt level and if so, how do you cope with it?

I think that part of the issue is that we think about debt in a purely nominal context, instead of affordability. I know that 20K of debt for someone on 15K a year is a far worse situation that ours, however the numbers just terrify me!

Craig1981 · 17 August 2018 at 6:01AM

good morning

first off, you need to establish the reason behind the debt and that you will be in a position to not repeat getting to those levels again. racking up so much debt (with info you provided), regardless of your affordability to repay and your income, IMHO is living above your means

check your three credit files - Noddle, Clearscore, Moneyclub to make sure you are not missing anything. check balances though on your statements or calling the lenders direct.

overpay higher rate interest accounts first, then next highest etc

56k debt (unsecured?) regardless of income is a lot of money in anyone's eyes. but if you budget is realistic, and the excess is what you say it is, then you should be fine in clearing it off and no credit should be needed ongoing with your excess income either

good luck

Goudy · 17 August 2018 at 7:48AM

Coming to terms and managing your debt, like the rest of life, it's a bumpy road.

There are rather large downs, like realising how much you owe, and highs when you start to plan and tackle the debts and get the results your plans hoped for.

Some even feel deflated or depressed after finishing paying off large debts, as it was a large part of their life and had been a massive focus for them for such a long time, when it's gone their mind misses it.

While there is plenty of good advice around to help you tackle the results of your behaviour, that you have probably made good use of when planning your debt solution, there is no one stop shop or easy fix to help everyone with why you might have got there in the first place and how that makes you feel, that's all down to you.

Understanding how you think and feel would help.
Some might think this all sounds like clap trap, I thought this until I read Prof Steve Peters "The Chimp Paradox".

It's wasn't a fix for my mind, but more a mind management plan, just like a debt plan.
It did help me understand how and why I sometimes acted or felt and helped tackle these things, including how and why I got into debt and the feelings I experienced along the way.

The book is not debt focused, it's fairly general, everyday life sort of stuff, but it can help to understand yourself and that goes a long way when it comes to the problems we experience in life.

NowInspired · 17 August 2018 at 10:21AM

I think coming to terms with the debt and the figures involved (ours is a huge amount) is very stressful but once you face it head on and start to deal with it, it does get easier. One of my friends told me I should take pride in the fact that I was sorting it out and not dwell on any negativity. I have taken this on board and still get days when I get a bit down but at least I know something is being done and I am proud to be able to say it's being dealt with. You will feel the same once you start to feel more in control of it. I know it's easy to say but don't let it control you, take charge of it and then push it to the back of your mind and start to live again

oaktree500 · 17 August 2018 at 10:34AM

For me it comes down to altering your perspective on things.

As an Example: Right now you may think "oh may god this is going to take forever/I can't do it etc". But if you can get to grips with your finances now, and start tracking payments/contacting people/paying off smaller debts etc, you start to look more 'Long term'. In my case, I created a spreadsheet that tracks the payments I make, how much I pay and how much is left to pay off. This includes an "end date" which is something I now work towards.My end date is now in 4 years, but I know how much I'm paying out, who too, how much I've spent on those debts and how much is left to go.

It's a long road to walk, some longer than others, but we're all in the same boat and you can do this.

thickasabrick · 17 August 2018 at 5:42PM

For me the stage you're going through now was the hardest.
It's called the "Light Bulb Moment" (LBM) on the forums here.

It's hard not to panic but the thing that helped me was setting a realistic budget.

Quite a shock when you go from carefree abandon to carefully tracking income and expenditure.

I still remember quite clearly the moment I cut up my credit cards and that's over 6 years ago now.

I also stopped using my debit card unless there was no other way to pay. Specifically withdrew £50 notes in cash for the weekly budget so that everytime I tried to spend one I'd have the ritual of the shop assistant lifting it up to the light and calling the manager over to check it was genuine !

The other thing that helped me cope was the realisation that it took several years to build up the debt and that it might take several years to clear.

Good luck.

karencks wrote: »

Hi,
I do feel better now that we have a plan

I have been through our budget again this evening and I know that this is affordable and that we can clear our debts.

Do any of you guys struggle to cope with your debt level and if so, how do you cope with it?

System · 20 August 2018 at 11:42AM

thickasabrick wrote: »

For me the stage you're going through now was the hardest.
It's called the "Light Bulb Moment" (LBM) on the forums here.

It's hard not to panic but the thing that helped me was setting a realistic budget.

Quite a shock when you go from carefree abandon to carefully tracking income and expenditure.

I still remember quite clearly the moment I cut up my credit cards and that's over 6 years ago now.

I also stopped using my debit card unless there was no other way to pay. Specifically withdrew £50 notes in cash for the weekly budget so that everytime I tried to spend one I'd have the ritual of the shop assistant lifting it up to the light and calling the manager over to check it was genuine !

The other thing that helped me cope was the realisation that it took several years to build up the debt and that it might take several years to clear.

Good luck.

This is a really good idea. Can I ask what made you decide to cut up your credit cards? And how you made the transition to only using your debit card, or was it just as you said above, taking out £50 for your weekly budget? That's a really good idea.

thickasabrick · 21 August 2018 at 2:32PM

The credit cards masked living beyond my means.

Cutting the credit cards up served two purposes, first, a symbolic gesture showing commitment to dealing with the debt and secondly a practical one, prevents you from easily falling back into the spending pattern that caused the debt.

I would leave my debit card at home and carry a single £50 note with me. It's amazing how you can resist that must have cappuccino when you have to break a £50 note for it.

Sweetcake wrote: »

This is a really good idea. Can I ask what made you decide to cut up your credit cards? And how you made the transition to only using your debit card, or was it just as you said above, taking out £50 for your weekly budget? That's a really good idea.

Coping mentally with a high debt level

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