Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

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  • marliepanda
    marliepanda Posts: 7,186 Forumite
    thorsoak wrote: »
    Marliepanda -I suggest that you read ALL of the Mooloo threads, to get the whole picture which runs from when the twins started living their chaotic lives - how Mooloo was not able to get the help that was neededto keep them on the right road, and her attempts to keep the whole family together - Biggest, Twins 1 & 2 and DS. From the day that she was born the non-failing stability in DGD's life has been Mooloo. Her father never was part of the picture - and in the very early days her mother hardly bothered with her and was relieved when Mooloo stepped up to the plate.

    Read the whole story - then see if you would still write your comment in the way that you have.

    There, but for the grace of God, go I - and many, many others I am sure.

    I’m not reading 10 64 page threads. I can see clearly that she has done well by her granddaughter. As I said, if anything is factually incorrect then let me know.

    However that does not take away from the fact that this girl needs stability, not ‘the most stable’ out of the other options.

    If you think that having a partner on/off again, in and out of the granddaughters life is anything less than confusing for her, then that’s your opinion
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,805
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    thorsoak wrote: »
    Marliepanda -I suggest that you read ALL of the Mooloo threads, to get the whole picture which runs from when the twins started living their chaotic lives - how Mooloo was not able to get the help that was neededto keep them on the right road, and her attempts to keep the whole family together - Biggest, Twins 1 & 2 and DS. From the day that she was born the non-failing stability in DGD's life has been Mooloo. Her father never was part of the picture - and in the very early days her mother hardly bothered with her and was relieved when Mooloo stepped up to the plate.

    Read the whole story - then see if you would still write your comment in the way that you have.

    There, but for the grace of God, go I - and many, many others I am sure.

    Agree 100%.
    None of us know what is round the corner for us or our families.
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  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,805
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    I’m not reading 10 64 page threads. I can see clearly that she has done well by her granddaughter. As I said, if anything is factually incorrect then let me know.

    However that does not take away from the fact that this girl needs stability, not ‘the most stable’ out of the other options.

    If you think that having a partner on/off again, in and out of the granddaughters life is anything less than confusing for her, then that’s your opinion

    Well if you are not prepared to read the background then maybe it would be best not to comment.
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
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  • marliepanda
    marliepanda Posts: 7,186 Forumite
    beanielou wrote: »
    Well if you are not prepared to read the background then maybe it would be best not to comment.

    Again, if there is something I have said which is factually incorrect then let me know. I am happy to be corrected. As you have not corrected anything I assume I have a fairly decent grasp on the facts on the situation.

    Please do not tell me what I can and can’t comment on. Thank you.
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,805
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    Again, if there is something I have said which is factually incorrect then let me know. I am happy to be corrected. As you have not corrected anything I assume I have a fairly decent grasp on the facts on the situation.

    Please do not tell me what I can and can’t comment on. Thank you.

    I dont think you have a fairly good grasp on the situation at all actually.
    So we will agree to disagee.
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • marliepanda
    marliepanda Posts: 7,186 Forumite
    beanielou wrote: »
    I dont think you have a fairly good grasp on the situation at all actually.
    So we will agree to disagee.

    If this thread is only for the same people who’ve been reading for ten years then it shouldn’t be on a public forum...

    I can see many other people commenting that the relationship isn’t healthy for Mooloo so I can’t see it being healthy for the grandchild either.

    But only other people can say that who’ve read 600 pages?
  • Artytarty
    Artytarty Posts: 2,642
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    Acfually I agree, sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can see what others don't.

    Mooloo,and I think she would agree, is not above reproach, none of us have led perfect lives , but there is a perception that she must never be criticised.
    Norn Iron Club member 473
  • marliepanda
    marliepanda Posts: 7,186 Forumite
    Artytarty wrote: »
    Acfually I agree, sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can see what others don't.

    Mooloo,and I think she would agree, is not above reproach, none of us have led perfect lives , but there is a perception that she must never be criticised.

    It’s not my intention to berate or criticise, though I can see how it can be seen as that.

    Whilst Mooloo May be doing marvellously by the grandchild the girl has been through some things she shouldn’t have and is seeing many families around her falling apart (including from what I can see her mum potentially having a new child which must be difficult for a child being looked after by another, no matter how well they are being looked after)

    Adding more instability to this is not good for the child and I don’t think it’s good for Mooloo either to have an unstable relationship dragging on.
  • Savvy_sewing
    Savvy_sewing Posts: 11,574
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    I have read the above.
    Don't blame you for your conclusions.
    In an ideal world it would have been lovely to shield her from the unfortunate choices we as her family have made.
    Fortunately she sees her Dad as the father of her baby brother, and the new baby. She loves them all, but is used to me being her constant.
    It is unfortunate that my relationship has not been an easy one, but as I don't or didn't live with my ExBF, then his coming and going is normal to her, because he comes over and goes home again so often.
    At least she has not been exposed to any arguments or any such information. Currently it's no different to her than when he is working in China or Brazil or anywhere else. It's not as if she has seen a parade of men folk in any of our lives really.
    Yes she has been aware of the adoption of The two boys that Social would not allow my daughter to have, and that was, if you read the details, not what we had wanted for her. Unfortunately we were nieve and expected the Mum to have help and guidance like any other parent with learning disabilities.
    Obviously our family is not normal because God handed out ADHD, Autism and Dyspraxia to my beautiful babies.
    Their lives were a tragedy waiting to happen because I couldn't protect them from Boys.
    Dgd knew the boys well as we were at one time all living under one roof until Social Service split us up.
    DS unfortunately going of if the rails she has witnesses. Luckily although she knows the boys we have in reality hardly seen them, and are less attached to them because unfortunately I saw this coming and chose not to get close to them.
    It will be less of an effect on her I hope, but I already have done everything that I can to get her CAMS and counselling. I cannot wave a magic wand and make things perfect.
    The issues her Aunty has she is non the wiser for because she is not around and she only sees her once a year.
    Her Mum has been with her Dad, as she calls him for 5 years. That's fairly stable as far as I can tell.
    Her Aunty, Biggest has two children. Granted her eldest was from another relationship but the youngest and the baby due are from her husband and she has been with him for about 5 years. So that's pretty stable.

    I am not able to change the world and make it look like a picture book family. But I am not going to apologise for finally ending a 14 year relationship because of lack of a future.

    I have done everything I can, as a single parent really, as my husband left me when DS was only 1. The ExBF has not helped me with my family or financial etc as he didn't live with me. So I would say I have been a single parent for 25 years.
    I have worked and run my own businesses. Even after a stroke and severe illness. That has shown her stability, the drive to keep in work, and the ability to bounce back in the face of adversity.
    She has been to France, Tunisia, Spain and Portugal. She has swam with dolphins and swashbuckling with Pirates. She has not exactly been mistreated.
    She wants to live in Portugal and learn to be a marine biologist. That's not to be sneezed at. She is already trying to learn the language.
    She knows she sees Mum and Dad about 4 weeks of the year, and she knows that she can be on an aeroplane and back to visit just as often as she wants.
    Her Mum, Dad, Brother and New baby can come to visit her.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • Well I for one think you have done a fantastic job of being a lone parent for 25 years!!! Hats off to you. Many couldnt cope as you have done.
    You need to cut yourself some slack MooLoo and give yourself a massive pat on the back
    xx
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