Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone
Comments
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I don't think stalking him is the answer, the OP will become obsessed.
She wont stop until she finds something, even if it's years down the line and the marriage is long since dead.
for example.
Monday Nothing
Tuesday Nothing
Wednesday Nothing
But what if it happens on Thursday, or 7 weeks on Saturday?
Can't see why someone would 'need' their phone for an hour or so when they have a home phone. Okay, so we've got used to them, but if I was driving somewhere with a broken phone, my OH would let me take his in case I broke down or something (not that he has a phone, but I know he'd not mind).
Have you ever been cheated on and left someone because of it? I remember the feeling well. I had been with him 6 or so years and only married for 3 months. I thought things were great. I eventually suspected an affair, but it's like being on a jury. You can't convict someone because of a suspicion, you need hard facts/evidence. I would have been seen as the bad guy as NOBODY could believe my husband had done that to me. Absolutely nobody. It was totally out of character and I had absolutely no other reason to leave him.
I know you shouldn't care about what other people think, but I was not going to walk away from a relationship - especially 3 months after a big wedding which everyone had come to - whilst blaming my husband for having an affair which he wouldn't admit to. My family and friends would have thought I'd got it wrong - and to be honest without proof I was looking for every excuse under the sun to be wrong.
Fact is, he left me before I even really got the chance... he admitted it a couple of days later.2023 wins: *must start comping again!*0 -
Can't see why someone would 'need' their phone for an hour or so when they have a home phone. Okay, so we've got used to them, but if I was driving somewhere with a broken phone, my OH would let me take his in case I broke down or something (not that he has a phone, but I know he'd not mind).
- No I understand, but it's still reasonable to say no too.
Have you ever been cheated on and left someone because of it? I remember the feeling well. - been cheated on, same girl, twice. Not nice. forgave the first time, we split after the second. In fairness they're still together and I have no ill feelings (well he was a sort of friend, so that's abit off) I had been with him 6 or so years and only married for 3 months. I thought things were great. I eventually suspected an affair, but it's like being on a jury. You can't convict someone because of a suspicion, you need hard facts/evidence. - I disagree, you don't need facts to end a relationship. I would have been seen as the bad guy as NOBODY could believe my husband had done that to me. Absolutely nobody. It was totally out of character and I had absolutely no other reason to leave him. - fair enough, I guess I don't really care what people think of my personal choices.
I know you shouldn't care about what other people think, but I was not going to walk away from a relationship - especially 3 months after a big wedding which everyone had come to - whilst blaming my husband for having an affair which he wouldn't admit to. My family and friends would have thought I'd got it wrong - and to be honest without proof I was looking for every excuse under the sun to be wrong. - yes I can certainly understand that.
Fact is, he left me before I even really got the chance... he admitted it a couple of days later.
Sorry, for what it's worth.
But the point I was making is - how long do you follow him around for? Weeks, months? Eventually the relationship will die regardless of any affair, real or otherwise0 -
Get your point, but it really wouldn't take that long. Usually the once. Twice at the most. I wish I'd done more sleuthing, I just could not believe what was staring me in the face. Everything usually points to 'probably' but following them is the only way really to get facts.Sorry, for what it's worth.
But the point I was making is - how long do you follow him around for? Weeks, months? Eventually the relationship will die regardless of any affair, real or otherwise
Not sure about relationships dying anyway - sometimes an affair can actually heal a gap. I know many relationships which survived affairs. A friend, my sister (she followed him to her flat - the girl's dad had rung my sister to tell her! Although I'd not exactly say they're a happy couple lol!), my mum (dad cheated on her for a year or two), my dad (mum had a relationship/affair with someone else for over 10 years). Sometimes people want to bury their heads in the sand (my dad), but if you suspect and want to know I think it's pretty easy to find out. They were happy for years after until my dad died.
My ex husband is still with her. She got pregnant soon after he moved out (during which time he was begging for me to take him back in tears on the doorstep). Messy - but I suppose they're happy and it makes me think he was meant to be with her, not me.
From the comments here though (haven't re-read the old thread), it seems like the OP may well be best off just walking. Even without an affair, it doesn't sound like there's much hope!2023 wins: *must start comping again!*0 -
From the comments here though (haven't re-read the old thread), it seems like the OP may well be best off just walking. Even without an affair, it doesn't sound like there's much hope!
Have to agree with this. I've just read the first thread (sad). I think, even if the OP couldn't find any evidence of cheating, she's still not going to be content and will continue to believe something is going on. Sounds like there is nothing between them at all.
I've got to say that if I was cheating
a) I would have a separate phone which I would keep hidden
b) if I did use my main mobile I would delete any texts/phone numbers immediately And would, happily, hand it over if asked.
c) I wouldn't be texting the other person in front of my partner with a silly grin on my face (unless I didn't give a s**t that is).
I make no excuse for the bloke here but it is, I guess, possible that he just wants a bit of free time where he can't be rung/contacted. OP does say that these "secret" trips are occasional.0 -
"c) I wouldn't be texting the other person in front of my partner with a silly grin on my face (unless I didn't give a s**t that is)."
How I found out my Ex was cheating0 -
"c) I wouldn't be texting the other person in front of my partner with a silly grin on my face (unless I didn't give a s**t that is)."
My wife would notice something unusual if I even had the phone in my my hand. I usually have no idea where it is and if I can find it, it's totally dead.0 -
are you listening to yourself. You're risking a criminal record to avoid a conversation.
You're intending to stalk him. You are in essence the abuser in an abusive relationship if you follow through with this.
Ronald Reagan once said "Trust - buy verify". It is not unreasonable to confirm to yourself that your partner is doing what they say they are doing. Thats not stalking.
I dont think fitting trackers to them or their car is a good idea but i would certainly be looking at robust legal ways of confirming their whereabouts, particularly as it does sound suspcious.0 -
Yes, yes it is. Most stalkers are 'verifying their belief'.Ronald Reagan once said "Trust - buy verify". It is not unreasonable to confirm to yourself that your partner is doing what they say they are doing. Thats not stalking.
I dont think fitting trackers to them or their car is a good idea but i would certainly be looking at robust legal ways of confirming their whereabouts, particularly as it does sound suspcious.0 -
Yes, yes it is. Most stalkers are 'verifying their belief'.
No, if her husband says hes going to X, Y or Z, then its not unreasonable to confirm that, particularly given there is already reasonable suspicion.
Whats the alternative? Do nothing? Challenge him with no evidence so he can deny it and just be more careful next time? Because what you're saying seems to be that to do *any* checking makes you a stalker?0
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