Home Ownership / Partner's Rights

saajan_12 · 14 July 2017 at 5:10PM

koumas1 wrote: »

I don't want to pay anything towards the house because although we have been together for 4 years if we were to split then I wouldn't have any of that money. .. I don't want to buy these as I would have no way to keep such big items as I would have to move back to my parents or somewhere else if we split.

So you don't want to pay for / contribute to things like the TV, refurbishments, that you can't keep or retain the benefit. ie you buy a TV, you expect to keep the TV.

koumas1 wrote: »

I don't want to be deemed/treated/thought of as a lodger, tenant or whatever - I should be a homeowner, we should share things and without my name on the house it just will never feel like it's my home, it will always be hers.

So you want to live in and end up keeping a share of a house that your partner entirely paid for?

Sounds very fair.

saajan_12 · 14 July 2017 at 5:48PM

Stop thinking about what you're owed and think of your contributions. She doesn't owe you anything financially.

koumas1 wrote: »

Thanks for the majority of the rational answers so far.
I don't want to be deemed/treated/thought of as a lodger, tenant or whatever - I should be a homeowner, we should share things and without my name on the house it just will never feel like it's my home, it will always be hers. - and so it should,
people that buy houses are homeowners. People that live with homeowners for free are guests/lodgers.

Her point is that if we were both to have rented - we would both have to share the rent cost, the bills etc equally and if we did buy stuff for the place like TV's etc or if we were to do any redecorating or improvements to the place - then again those "upgrades" would be costs we both share and we wouldn't get a share of the landlords place when we left and the TV we buy etc wouldnt be worth a lot if we had to sell it.- I agree, those are't really upgrades, they are there to make the house nicer for you both to live in and wouldn't really add to the value of the house. Redecorating, TVs etc have a limited lifespan, they are not long lasting improvements.

The reason I haven't saved is that it didn't feel like this house was going to come anything soon. It's took 2 and half years to get to this point since we've been back in the UK and it just didn't feel like it was ever going to happen.
a. you said that you haven't saved because you were spending on "enjoying life"
b. If you thought it wouldn't happen, you were wrong. Your partner clearly did it by herself so it can happen, could have been faster with you on board.
c. Most people have to save the extra after paying rent/bills. You haven't been paying anything for your own accomodation, and still managed to spend all your income. With no dependants, that sounds reckless overspending.

I know I would save now and be more careful with money if I were and owner too cus it would be my house and I would want to look after and care for it etc - but as it's hers and just don't see why I should bare all the risk.- what risk? you would be living rent free, paying for minimal costs of appliances, likely less than a month's rent. If you split, you'd already be better than you started, just might end up having to pay your own way.
For those those who think this is a wind up or should be on Jeremy Kyle or something I am sorry and we are both not the stereotypical type of couple one would presume to be on such a show - this is a genuine issue that I am tryical to sensibly resolve - thank you to all who have been so kind to write a reasoned response!!!

koumas1 · 14 July 2017 at 6:36PM

Thanks everyone.
It has never been the case that I don't want to contribute - I just couldn't see the house ever being bought in the immediate future. My partner took a very long time (years in fact) in choosing a house and it felt ages until it was "the right time" and therefore (maybe I shouldn't I accept that) I just thought what's the point not enjoying myself now whilst I can.
My partner earns more than me so can save a lot quicker than I can and I did try and started saving but I lost hope waiting and waiting (again I accept maybe this wasn't a clever thing to do).
So from what I gather - a sensible compromise would be for me to generate a sensible amount of savings or to contribute to the house now and later be put on the house and/or mortgage to reflect what I will have contributed to the house???

Pixie5740 · 14 July 2017 at 6:46PM

koumas1 wrote: »

Thanks everyone.
It has never been the case that I don't want to contribute - I just couldn't see the house ever being bought in the immediate future. My partner took a very long time (years in fact) in choosing a house and it felt ages until it was "the right time" and therefore (maybe I shouldn't I accept that) I just thought what's the point not enjoying myself now whilst I can.
My partner earns more than me so can save a lot quicker than I can and I did try and started saving but I lost hope waiting and waiting (again I accept maybe this wasn't a clever thing to do).
So from what I gather - a sensible compromise would be for me to generate a sensible amount of savings or to contribute to the house now and later be put on the house and/or mortgage to reflect what I will have contributed to the house???

Are you two really suited? You each seem to have very different views about money.

Why was it solely down to your partner to decide when to buy a house and which house to buy? Was it purely because you had saved naff all or did you alway feels completely excluded from the decisions even before you decided to spend rather than save? I don't really get your logic, wanting to buy somewhere but not doing anything about it.

In your shoes I wouldn't contribute towards anything you couldn't take with you if it all went down the pooper. If she wants a new bathroom, kitchen, whatever then she should pay for it because it's her house. You should start saving, at least half of what the mortgage payments are, with a view to getting a joint mortgage at some point in the future. Have you ever owned property before? Would you be eligible for a Help to Buy ISA or a Lifetime ISA to help boost your savings?

gingercordial · 14 July 2017 at 7:05PM

koumas1 wrote: »

I just couldn't see the house ever being bought in the immediate future...

My partner took a very long time (years in fact) in choosing a house and it felt ages until it was "the right time" and therefore (maybe I shouldn't I accept that) I just thought what's the point not enjoying myself now whilst I can...

I lost hope waiting and waiting...

OK, but you're now living in the house. The house-buying has happened. In fact, buying a house doesn't happen overnight, so there must have been some point where she'd picked one, made an offer, exchanged, booked the removals van, completed, moved in... At any of those points didn't it occur to you that this was really happening and maybe you should start trying to contribute? But instead you deliberately chose not to support your partner in this, and have still not managed to save anything, and, worse, are actually whining about being asked to contribute to the TV! You come across as deeply entitled, pouting that you can't get a slice of what someone else has worked hard for whilst you just watched.

Do you know the fable about the grasshopper and the ant? Here's one version, in case looking it up is too much effort: http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/AntGra.shtml

No, I wouldn't be putting you on the deeds yet either. You'd need to show a serious change of attitude to money. I'd want you to contribute to things with good grace and also save up a chunk of money first, say for a year, which we could then use to pay off some of the mortgage at the same time as adding you to the deeds. And I'd be wanting a declaration of trust as to the proportions.

koumas1 · 14 July 2017 at 7:19PM

I like to think we are suited and we haven't really had any difficulties until now, we have been together for 4 and half years now, so it's not just some half shot idea. My partner is very savvy with money and well has been very choosy about what fits the bill! She wanted to find "the perfect home" (which doesn't exist) but somewhere great for work, in a good catchment area - good schools etc - this is to be our home for a while if not life - I on the other hand would have been happy with anywhere just as long as it was ours - I didn't care. To her credit she has found a nice house - good price etc etc but I just got sick and tired of waiting because it just seemed like nothing was ever going to be the right house.
My point is I'm prepared to contribute and pay my way if I have some security - her point is that I haven't provided her with any security in 4 years and she does want to risk her financial security should I not pay my half of the bargain - she would rather know that the mortgage etc is paid cus she's paying it and that my financial spending will never compromise the house.
She sees if that if she's refitting the bathroom (which must be done) redecorating the lounges, bedrooms etc then she has paid for it that for me to benefit too and if in 5,6,7 years or whatever we did split then that bathroom the lounge etc won't hold any material value to the house - abit like a car loses its value and depreciates over time!
If we split in a year or two I would lose that money - but she reckons that I'm not losing money because in those years I will have benefitted from the enjoyment of that bathroom etc. She compares it to a bit like how we enjoy a hotel room - we would rather pay more for a 5* hotel so we can enjoy nicer things but we don't expect to become owners of the hotel when we leave. We pay the money to enjoy the nice room and not to own the nice room.

Pixie5740 · 14 July 2017 at 7:33PM

Why does the bathroom need to be refitted? Does the toilet not work or something? It's more like she would like a new bathroom. Why can't she just wait until you've sorted yourself out financially?

Fosterdog · 14 July 2017 at 7:49PM

koumas1 wrote: »

Thanks everyone.
It has never been the case that I don't want to contribute - I just couldn't see the house ever being bought in the immediate future. My partner took a very long time (years in fact) in choosing a house and it felt ages until it was "the right time" and therefore (maybe I shouldn't I accept that) I just thought what's the point not enjoying myself now whilst I can.
My partner earns more than me so can save a lot quicker than I can and I did try and started saving but I lost hope waiting and waiting (again I accept maybe this wasn't a clever thing to do).
So from what I gather - a sensible compromise would be for me to generate a sensible amount of savings or to contribute to the house now and later be put on the house and/or mortgage to reflect what I will have contributed to the house???

How can you say it has taken a long time "years in fact" when you have only been together for four and a half years and only been back in the U.K. and looking to save and buy a house for two years? Two years is no time at all, even the house purchase would have taken 3-6 months so between 1/8 to 1/4 of the time you have been looking. What it really boils down to is you were not too bothered and were just ****ing your money away while she worked hard and saved. She has now bought a house which is hers and she wants to keep that secure and I really don't blame her for that. I can't quite believe that in the four years you've saved nothing, not enough to even slightly contribute to her buying even as just a 10% stake yet you want the house to be part yours.

I also agree with her about improvements to a certain extent, you will also benefit from them, maybe not pay a huge amount in but a contribution would be reasonable. As would her suggestion of you buying some of the furniture and appliances, there's nothing to stop you taking them if you leave.

It really does sound like you are being incredibly selfish and only seeing this in terms of what you are or should be "owed", have you actually considered it from her point of view at all? She has a feeloader living with her who is reluctant to help out with anything financially but wants to be added to the deeds of the house she has worked and saved for. She must be questioning your commitment to both her and the relationship, or questioning if she really wants to spend the rest of her life wth someone with the attitude you have shown on here.

pinkshoes · 14 July 2017 at 7:57PM

You should be paying half the bills as you would have done this in a rental.

As for contributing to the house, just get her to sign a receipt saying the amount you paid and what for, or at the very least pay her by bank transfer and keep a record yourself.

That way, if you split up, you can ask her for a specific amount back!

As she saved £100k and you saved nothing, I can see why she didn't want you on the deeds...

Perhaps you need to prove to her that you can also save?

Financial compatibility in a relationship is SO important, moreso than other things. Without this, the relationship is doomed...

koumas1 · 14 July 2017 at 8:00PM

I'm not trying to show any attitude - I am trying to understand people's view point and I am being totally honest about my role in this so as to get open and honest opinions from people totally impartial!
The bathroom is the original bathroom suite (fitted circa 1970) as far as far as it's concerned it works but 40yrs worth of use has left it rather undesirable. It's not compulsory that it's changed - just like most of the other jobs that need doing - it's largely the same interior that was built from the very beginning.
It can wait I've told her that but until it's done - see thinks it's hardly a home you can be proud of - she wants to be able to invited all our friends and have an "open" house were everyone is welcome and be very social with the house - the original decor doesn't give off that welcome feel.

PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

Home Ownership / Partner's Rights

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free