Concerns About Friends Behaviour
Comments
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It's irrelevant whether the OP's husband has been having it off with this bloke or not. Nor is it relevant to ask how he got the phone number.
This bloke should not be doing what he has been doing, which is threatening, scarey, worrying and weird.
At least make a log of it at the local police station.0 -
I'm sorry, but I'd be worried in this situation. It sounds as though this man has an obsession with your partner, and could be seeing you as the reason why they're not together. Obsessive behaviour like this can happen because there's history between them, or it can just happen because the other party has built something up in their head, which isn't real, but is real to them. What would you do, if it was a woman behaving in exactly the same way?
Phone numbers are easy to obtain, and as for sharing a taxi - well. I've done that to avoid a scene at a taxi rank, because I couldn't think of a reason quickly enough, to say no.
I would explain to your partner how worried and upset you are by this, and suggest that you go to the police, initially for advice, and see what they say. I did this with my stepson, when he was started seeing a girl a while ago, and was getting intimidating behaviour from her ex. The police were really good, and told him what to do, but also what not to do, and what to look out for. It's a while ago now, but I'm pretty sure that the initial chat was unofficial, but would have been made official, if we'd wanted them to speak to man concerned, which they did offer to do.
Good luck; it's a horrible situation to be in.0 -
Ah....but I think the answers add to the 'believability' of the scenario.PasturesNew wrote: »It's irrelevant whether the OP's husband has been having it off with this bloke or not. Nor is it relevant to ask how he got the phone number.
This bloke should not be doing what he has been doing, which is threatening, scarey, worrying and weird.
At least make a log of it at the local police station.
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If you were some random that started up a conversation with me in the pub, how would you go about getting hold of my phone number?Phone numbers are easy to obtain
Would you really share a taxi with someone who 'lives round the corner from the pub' and allow him/her to travel to your house and see where you live?and as for sharing a taxi - well. I've done that to avoid a scene at a taxi rank, because I couldn't think of a reason quickly enough, to say no.
Some people seem to be pretty lax about their personal safety.0 -
If you were some random that started up a conversation with me in the pub, how would you go about getting hold of my phone number? I would spend about 6 months talking to you every friday for a few hours, mention my cat and ask if you want me to send you pictures of it. Alternatively i would mentionan upcoming event that might take your fancy and ask if i could have your number to let you know about it. Or arrange a golfing day. Or to chat about hte football scores. Do you have time limits and minimum requirements for handing out your phone number? I mean 6 months+ and a few hours every friday night does add up to quite a lot of time.
But then the OP must be lying and her husband is clearly gay.
Would you really share a taxi with someone who 'lives round the corner from the pub' and allow him/her to travel to your house and see where you live? I encourage my OH to do this.
Her options might be get a taxi with a taxi driver she doesnt know. or latch on to a group of people and politely ask if they mind her jumping in with them. That way she has a group of people watching her and a taxi driver.
Some people seem to be pretty lax about their personal safety.
Not sure why its so unbeliebable. Ive had a woman latch on to me, after the first date she invited her family (aunts and uncles too) to my workplace to see me. When i started to cool things down lies started being told about me at work. Fortunately my work colleagues know me better than the stories she could make up.
Sounds exactly like the actions of someone who is infatuated and struggling to cope with rejection.0 -
If you wanted me to see photos of your cat, you could show them to me on your phone.I would spend about 6 months talking to you every friday for a few hours, mention my cat and ask if you want me to send you pictures of it. Alternatively i would mentionan upcoming event that might take your fancy and ask if i could have your number to let you know about it. Or arrange a golfing day. Or to chat about hte football scores. Do you have time limits and minimum requirements for handing out your phone number? I mean 6 months+ and a few hours every friday night does add up to quite a lot of time.
But then the OP must be lying and her husband is clearly gay.
I would not have the sort of relationship with some random I met once a week that would result in giving them my phone number.
So, yes.....I do have a minimum requirement for handing out my phone number.
Maybe it's because I'm a very private person and don't 'do' social media - unlike some people who seem to want to share every intimate detail of their lives with random strangers.
Your OH is female.I encourage my OH to do this.
Her options might be get a taxi with a taxi driver she doesnt know. or latch on to a group of people and politely ask if they mind her jumping in with them. That way she has a group of people watching her and a taxi driver.
I wouldn't have thought that a man would feel the need to have a group of people watching over him in a taxi home.0 -
If you were some random that started up a conversation with me in the pub, how would you go about getting hold of my phone number?
Would you really share a taxi with someone who 'lives round the corner from the pub' and allow him/her to travel to your house and see where you live?
Some people seem to be pretty lax about their personal safety.
Oh, I agree; if it was a random meeting and our first conversation, it's highly unlikely that we'd be exchanging numbers, but this isn't a random. This is a local pub, with plenty of regulars, and the man has been part of the group since last summer. I've been in similar groups, and asked for someone else's phone number lots of times; the only difference is that I don't give the numbers out, I get the person who is asking's number, and pass it on. I've had my number given to other people in the group, without my permission; it happens.
Again, it's not unusual to be asked to share a taxi, with someone from a group, especially if they're a bit worse for wear, it's chucking down with rain or it's a busy night, with a huge delay on getting a taxi; we don't know the circumstances to judge. I've even had someone from the edge of my group get in the taxi with me, to make sure that I got home safely, as he wasn't sure that I'd got in a legitimate taxi; our taxis have the phone number in a strip across the back window and that was missing. The taxi was legitimate, but I hadn't noticed the lack of phone number, and I was grateful that someone was keeping an eye out for me.0 -
Not sure why its so unbeliebable. Ive had a woman latch on to me, after the first date she invited her family (aunts and uncles too) to my workplace to see me. When i started to cool things down lies started being told about me at work. Fortunately my work colleagues know me better than the stories she could make up.
Sounds exactly like the actions of someone who is infatuated and struggling to cope with rejection.
I think so too. I've seen it in my own social circle, and it was really bizarre how she would interpret a situation, that we had all witnessed; she would see things in someone's behaviour that really weren't there, but her emotions and reactions were real.0 -
Sounds exactly like the actions of someone who has either:
- been led on and then rejected
- has had a relationship with someone and then been rejected
If you wanted me to see photos of your cat, you could show them to me on your phone.
I would not have the sort of relationship with some random I met once a week that would result in giving them my phone number.
So, yes.....I do have a minimum requirement for handing out my phone number. I got in a car crash and gave someone my number straight away. Ive also had friends give my number to others for small trivial things too. Its just not that weird to give someone your contact details
Maybe it's because I'm a very private person and don't 'do' social media apart from 18,000+ comments on a social media website over 10 years :cool:- unlike some people who seem to want to share every intimate detail of their lives with random strangers.
Your OH is female.
I wouldn't have thought that a man would feel the need to have a group of people watching over him in a taxi home. i would assume the op's oh didnt i imagine it could be explained by 'i felt rude telling him to do one'
Ive offered perfectly acceptable reasons for the situation you dismiss. Fairly sure im not the only person who could justify such actions. A 3rd party acting strangely does not mean the OPs OH has turned gay and is having an affair.
If i said to your partner or anyone for that matter we had sex would you then tell people we had? Or would you just say im a bit of a nutter and talking rubbish?0
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