Free guide from Refuge for women experiencing domestic violence

jamespir wrote: »

its nice that they help women but surely its slightly sexist of them only realising the guide to women about abusive male partners us men can be on the receiving end of domestic abuse too from female partners when will people realise that

James, it is realised and there is support, the support line number for men is in my signature.

Dear mse'ers

I apologise if I am not posting this in the right place. Please re-direct if not...

I have been going through a lot of bad things recently, but, in my introductory counselling session, a therapist shocked me by saying I was being abused by my husband.

I feel weird, bewildered, all sorts of things, but, although some things rang a bell with me, I thought I was far from being a beaten wife... She pointed out it was emotional abuse, and could I recognise it as such. I couldn't get my head round it.

However, this weekend, on another downer. I had worked hard on cleaning and laundering this week, and felt I was coming more out of depression, but, because I made mistakes with shopping (i bought dvd's we already had, and didn't spot that some things had gone off), my husband said that he would have to organise and do the shopping instead. I felt really upset. I felt a total failure and really low. Found myself binge eating chocolate and had horrible nights sleep.

I also thought back to start of depression and struggled all day to even write a shopping list - why didn't he help me then? And this lead to other thoughts. Why didn't he take responsibility for all the drugs in the house when I asked him to? After I told him I wanted to over-dose? And why did he also make a point of 'accidentally' showing me an unknown woman's name on his mobile, claim it was an office girl, when we both know who works at his place (small firm), so I felt utterly worthless, unloveable, etc...

Confused. He's being so nice to me that I feel a real bad person for even typing this. Yet then I also think about getting our rescue dog - to cheer up my situation, and how he reacted (because I said I needed to use ladies, he fired up and said he wasn't going to stand in reception waiting for me, I was to go first, hand in adoption form, then fetch him from car. He waited till I was at the boot before he got out, it was humiliating, but, I thought if I didn't do as he asked he would change his mind, ad I couldn't get our dog).

Yet he is good in so many ways, helps with housework, doesn't smoke, womanise, spend all night in pubs, etc. Wants to be there 24/7, etc. My head is all over the place right now and I am feeling scared of doing anything. I am losing my job (redundancy)., he has pressured me to have a joint account together (we had separate ones when we split before because of his jealousy). I don't know whether I am coming or going....

Feel like I am imagining it all, as have talked to work colleagues in past, but, when they meet him, he is shy, polite, charming, no-one ever sees how he can be at times. He now even denies he was ever jealous, even though we went to Relate about this? Am I going mad?

BM

Just to say, thank you Jox, I am now rambling on under a separate thread: 'Is this abuse?'

BM

MOTHEROF4 wrote: »

Hi, can any one help, iv just won an occupation order form the court, to have my x husband leave our house because of domestic violence towards me and my girls, he has to leave by 4.pm on Wednesday next week, can I get any help with changing the door locks of my home to make it more secure I'm on benefits and have 3 girls. Thanks

Hi Motherof4,

It might be a good idea to start a new thread for your issues, as people are unlikely to be able to notice / help if it's just tagged on here. Do you own your own home, is it privately rented or HA / Council? If it's the latter then they would be your first port of call to help.