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The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

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  • silver-oldie
    silver-oldie Posts: 1,004 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    edited 22 December 2017 at 11:40PM
    MMF007 wrote: »
    How very childish of your DiL ! How old is she???
    I'd turn up as planned, tell her you hope you are not the poxy in-law she mentioned and let her squirm. Otherwise you will be the one squirming, for a long time. As you can't forget what she wrote ,you may as well put the ball in her court.
    I guess you [STRIKE]will be[/STRIKE] were taking presents and maybe other contributions to the festivities? Consider taking a pared-down number of items!

    Some people are just horrid but they are only horrid to people they think won't bite back. You are obviously a lovely person she thinks she can stomp on.

    Just be careful about your son. DiL is likely to try and get him into the middle of the mess, to invoke a sort of emotional blackmail on you. Just make your point and leave it at that. She will be mortified, righlty so!
    Sayschezza wrote: »

    Silver Oldie my first reaction would be to write underneath “not now you haven’t”.

    I don't use social media, don't know why I looked tonight. She probably thought I would never see it. At least I know what she thinks about us.
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
  • Floss
    Floss Posts: 8,241 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary Photogenic
    More fool her.
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  • karcher
    karcher Posts: 2,069 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    Nargleblast wrote: »
    My warped sense of humour would have you go wearing matching tee shirts with Poxy In Law on the front.

    :T :rotfl:

    Oh that did make me laugh...thanks Nargleblast :D
    'I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thought
    And I ain't got the power anymore'
  • karcher
    karcher Posts: 2,069 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    silver-oldie wrote: »
    I don't use social media, don't know why I looked tonight. She probably thought I would never see it. At least I know what she thinks about us.

    Her opinion isn't worth considering.
    'I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thought
    And I ain't got the power anymore'
  • silver-oldie
    silver-oldie Posts: 1,004 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    I have our son and grandson to consider.

    Don't know if DS will have seen her comment.

    Love the tee shirt idea Nargleblast
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
  • VJsmum
    VJsmum Posts: 6,953 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic First Post
    Oh Silver Oldie, that is hurtful. I have been known to rant about my MiL but never on social media ( apart from here but she won't see that), but I'd be mortified if she saw it as, although I find her difficult at times, I am fond of her, and wouldn't dream of upsetting her.

    I think if she saw anything like that that I had written, I'd like her to mention it to me so I could explain that it was just sounding off and that I didn't mean it.

    Hugs to you it's a difficult one..
    I wanna be in the room where it happens
  • karcher
    karcher Posts: 2,069 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    edited 23 December 2017 at 7:46AM
    silver-oldie wrote: »
    I have our son and grandson to consider.

    Don't know if DS will have seen her comment.

    Love the tee shirt idea Nargleblast

    It really is rock and a hard place time.

    I imagine if you mention it to DS, he will be protective of his OH in front of you, even if she is in the wrong.

    If he confronts her, at some point, well that will be between them and you may never know.

    In your shoes, I wouldn't want to go and I would explain exactly why even if it hurts me ...but that is just me.

    My honesty and openness has caused me many a problem so I'm perhaps best avoided when it comes to advice :o:)
    'I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thought
    And I ain't got the power anymore'
  • Hard_Up_Hester
    Hard_Up_Hester Posts: 4,656 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I'd go if they have children but not if there aren't any. I'd also reply to her comment on social media just so she knew the comment had been seen.

    Well loins here have been ungirded, I've been dreading a family wedding as I assumed FIL would be there, I can cope with him but was worried about CHS. Anyway it seems he announced that he didn't want an invite as he would would be abroad on holiday on that date. As he has no passport and struggles to find the local shops (alcohol,not dementia), this was assumed to be an excuse but either way no invitation was issued.
    FIL is no doubt telling all his neighbours that he has been abandoned and ignored.

    Burtha, you are doing so well, hugs.
    Chin up, Titus out.
  • monnagran
    monnagran Posts: 5,284 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Combo Breaker
    silver-oldie, I could weep for you. Whatever happens, your DS and grandson should not have to deal with a drama.
    You do need to let your DIL know that you have seen her comment, I don't believe that people should get away with their bad behaviour, but it would be best if family dynamics were disturbed as little as possible.
    I have a rule for myself that I will never let anyone else's behaviour dictate mine.

    How good an actress are you?

    In your place I would act completely normal, that would terrify the life out of my friends who know only too well what my 'normal' is.
    Anyway, I would be all sweetness and light, but any gift I had for her would have a Christmas label reading, "With much love from the Poxy Mother-in-Law."
    That would let her know that you were aware of what she had said, but it would not spoil the occasion for your DS and DGS.
    Hopefully everyone can save face and you will have maintained the higher ground and can escape, perhaps a bit quicker than planned.

    Love the idea of the Tshirts though. I hope I sound very wise and reasoned, but must confess that my first reaction would have been to post under her comments, "I feel for you. We are visiting the Poxy in-laws, so share your pain."
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
  • silver-oldie
    silver-oldie Posts: 1,004 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Thank you everyone
    Haven't slept much, I still have tears.
    Thought I could just ignore it but I don't feel I want to see or speak to her.
    I think I will send a message to DS and say sorry p*xy inlaws won't be coming, if he knows he'll understand, if he doesn't she'll have to explain.
    I don't want bad feelings, or to go if we're not wanted. She invited us for a meal, we didn't ask. Would have been happy with a cup of tea and time with our grandson.
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
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