Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

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  • Pyxis
    Pyxis Posts: 46,077
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    Torry I would fully expect you to cry everyday still. I cried everyday without fail, sometimes several times a day, after my mum died. In fact I couldn't even think about her without crying for FIVE YEARS. That is no exaggeration. My DH had told me it took him 6 months to get over grieving him mum and also his best friend dying, I kept thinking what is wrong with me? Why am I such a freak? But it's really down to how close you were to that person.

    About a week after she died DH caught me absolutely awash with tears and bawling while trying to hang the washing in the garden and I kept saying "I want her back" over and over. He said "I know but you can't have her back" I almost hated him for that, I sort of thought somehow something had to bring her back, I said "But I need her still" and he just said "But there would never have been a right time for her to go" and it was true. When someone is that big a part of your life there is not "right" time and it utterly sucks.
    Saw her favourite choccie bar in a shop? Tears.
    New costume drama starting (we always watched them together)? Tears.
    Kids started University and she wasn't there to see it? Tears.
    Crying, hating, moping didn't change a flipping thing and I was so angry that the world just carried on around me like she was never there.
    But slowly I got through a few days without crying, then a week. If I looked at photos tears would come so I stopped looking at photos. It was really gradual but you just get there eventually. I can actually think about her and smile now, and say stuff like "mum would have loved that" without choking up. And I like to think of her maybe checking in on me now and again, she was such a happy person I know 100% she would hate to watch me cry.

    That was lovely to read, Dandy! Thank you for that. I am sure it will be of help.
    (I just lurve spiders!)
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    I love :eek:



  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,827
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    I cried at several points in the game, even at the penalty because he always explained them to me.


    Dandy thanks you've put it well. I cry putting out my washing because there's none of his. I see a new series we watched is coming soon, more crying.

    I have photos but can't look at the ones on my phone without crying.

    Melly I've showered and put on fresh pjs, his actually!
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • I cried at several points in the game, even at the penalty because he always explained them to me.

    Dandy thanks you've put it well. I cry putting out my washing because there's none of his. I see a new series we watched is coming soon, more crying.

    I have photos but can't look at the ones on my phone without crying.

    Melly I've showered and put on fresh pjs, his actually!

    It's ok Torry! It's all part of the grieving process.
    Even some animals grieve at the loss of a lifelong partner.
    How much more so, us humans.

    Talk about your feelings as much as you want. There are those of us here who will listen and share experiences, although yours are unique to you. Talking to 'strangers' is good sometimes.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,827
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    Sleazy wrote: »
    It's ok Torry! It's all part of the grieving process.
    Even some animals grieve at the loss of a lifelong partner.
    How much more so, us humans.

    Talk about your feelings as much as you want. There are those of us here who will listen and share experiences, although yours are unique to you. Talking to 'strangers' is good sometimes.

    Thanks, I worry I'm repeating myself.

    My cat grieved for him too. She would wander around lost crying and was barely eating.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • Pyxis
    Pyxis Posts: 46,077
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    Thanks, I worry I'm repeating myself.

    My cat grieved for him too. She would wander around lost crying and was barely eating.

    Is your cat coming to you for cuddles now?
    (I just lurve spiders!)
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    I love :eek:



  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,827
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    Pyxis wrote: »
    Is your cat coming to you for cuddles now?

    Sometimes. She also sits beside me at times


    I know everyone is different but i I can't get my head round this

    https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/bill-roache-over-daughter-vanyas-12863591
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • calleyw
    calleyw Posts: 9,822
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    Sometimes. She also sits beside me at times

    I know everyone is different but i I can't get my head round this

    https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/bill-roache-over-daughter-vanyas-12863591


    Torry,


    It maybe be hard for you to get your head around it. Because you are going through it at the moment. But I can understand that for some people they feel the need to move on quickly and carry on with their lives. Not sure I would be able to do it.



    Does not mean they loved the person any less. Just means they have found a way to not let it hold them back in their life. 29 years later, I still miss my best friend who died on my 16th birthday. I don't think about her very often but when I do I get upset and angry. Does not change the fact that she is still not here.



    If you put on a scientific head so no emotion. What does grieving achieve. If we are truthful nothing. Its pain and hurt, and energy we expend. And gain nothing from it.


    I have days like that and I am not grieving for anyone. I am slave to my emotions which are built up around myself worth and confidence. Today is a good example I have been on edge since last night. No idea why. But today I just want to eat rubbish and crawl back in to bed. makes no sense but that is what my brain is telling me to do. Mind you not helped that I had leg cramps in both legs in the middle of the night and can hardly put my feet flat to the floor. So no going to the gym for me today!!!


    Be kind to yourself. The pain will lessen over time. It does not mean you don't care or love them. Its about baby steps in moving forward in your life.


    Take care


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
  • Quick update from me. WaSp was taken into hospital this morning. After 10 days on blood thinners the clot has just become larger and is now moving upwards. They have him on intravenous blood thinners for 48 hours, if these do not work they will surgically break up the clot. He has also developed cellulitis in the leg so is on antibiotics for that. Good thoughts welcome please!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
  • Best wishes W &S.
    Try not to worry (It won't help either you or him).

    Keep us updated ...
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,827
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    WaS I'm so sorry to hear that. X
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
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