Co-owned house - causing friction
Comments
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I do feel for the OP in this situation.
I'd not be happy with my Mum going ahead with major building work without, asking my advise, getting more than 1 quote, and not checking out the builders properly, as I wouldn't want them "ruining" their house, getting ripped off or leaving themselves open to an even bigger bill for putting any Cowboy's work right.
But if Mum told me to back off, I would. (and then wait for the phone call once it's all gone pear-shaped)
Yes, OP is a co-owner, and therefore does have more of an interest, but most of you say she should just let it go, and potentially see big and expensive mistakes made with the house happen, when this could so easily have all been avoided.
I hope everything works out for the best, and your Mum doesn't regret her decisions.How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.31% of current retirement "pot" (as at end March 2024)0 -
As I have said I understand about the breaking of the agreement.
In terms of the repairs, I think it's the mother's mistake to make and agree with others that you can pick up any pieces, if necessary. The stepfather is there, too. I am not sure of his input to the decision making.
Re the consulting the children. I wonder how those who think the mother should consult them (taking the agreement out of the equation) would feel if the roles were reversed.
OP has said mother is a fit 71 and the agreement at the start was that she would be responsible for all repairs, upkeep, decoration, bills etc. This she has done for 25 years and, all of a sudden, the children have decided they want to get involved.
I think I know how I would react (not that far off that age, no children). I am pretty sure I know how my OH would react (not that far off that age, children).0 -
As I have said I understand about the breaking of the agreement.
In terms of the repairs, I think it's the mother's mistake to make and agree with others that you can pick up any pieces, if necessary. The stepfather is there, too. I am not sure of his input to the decision making. He has nothing to do with any decision making, he is not interested, it's a long a complicated story which I won't go into though.
Re the consulting the children. I wonder how those who think the mother should consult them (taking the agreement out of the equation) would feel if the roles were reversed. But there was an agreement.
OP has said mother is a fit 71 and the agreement at the start was that she would be responsible for all repairs, upkeep, decoration, bills etc. This she has done for 25 years and, all of a sudden, the children have decided they want to get involved. Please stop putting words out there that I did not say, we have always been involved since Dad died and my mum has only got involved with the running of this property since my dad died, he did it all before. That said, she has now told me that there has been a leak that Dad told her about before he died, which she has never mentioned before. Had I known this, I would have got a survey done a long time ago, which may have prevented some of the damage we have now. My mum is not stupid, she just doesn't want to deal with things, sticks her head in the sand and hopes it will go away. I can assure you that she has no problem calling on me to help on many other things, insurances, banking, direct debits, booking all their flights and hotels because she can't use a computer, and many things beside, which I do willingly, which makes this all the more frustrating, as we would have helped her deal with this before it got to this point.
I think I know how I would react (not that far off that age, no children). I am pretty sure I know how my OH would react (not that far off that age, children).
I do appreciate the time you have taken to comment.0 -
Nah, they wouldn't. It concerns an asset that could be potentially inherited and the person posting would be a beneficiary of the inheritance.I get why the OP is miffed too re the breaking of the agreement. Problem is, this was introduced later on in the thread. If it had been in the first post I think a number of the earlier comments would have been different.
Of course the OP would have been jumped on, it's par for the course here.Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 20230 -
I do appreciate the time you have taken to comment.
No problem. My post was aimed at others who had commented - not you, in particular. The point remains that, at 71 and in good health, I'd want to be making my own decisions based on the agreement you clearly outlined in your OP and the fact that your mother has paid for all repairs/etc. I should have said, for clarity, that I meant you being involved in the upkeep of the house/repairs.0 -
onomatopoeia99 wrote: »Nah, they wouldn't. It concerns an asset that could be potentially inherited and the person posting would be a beneficiary of the inheritance.
Of course the OP would have been jumped on, it's par for the course here.
Okay. Fair dos. Not how I see things at all about inheritance so maybe a different view.
Maybe there would have been some comments on the breaking of the agreement, then.?0 -
No your right, not the same .... and I have that little bit more class to go with mine
Sorry but you are taking someone's valid point (that wasn't aimed at / or getting at anyone) and twisting it to your own argument-causing-agenda, here. The other poster was making a valid non offensive point
I cannot see anything on this thread, to back up your insistence that you are ''Classy''
and No, I am not worth 7 figures lolThe opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
Sorry but you are taking someone's valid point (that wasn't aimed at / or getting at anyone) and twisting it to your own argument-causing-agenda, here. The other poster was making a valid non offensive point
I cannot see anything on this thread, to back up your insistence that you are ''Classy''
and No, I am not worth 7 figures lol
..... because they could of made the same point without grandstanding their own supposed wealth.
Perhaps im a different generation or perhaps i was just unimpressed, or perhaps my financial situation is very different to what they assumed .... I would never consider bracketing my wealth to make a point (business negotiation being the exception).
Even worse ... is declaring/bracketing my parents' wealth, and unless relevant, totally unnecessary imo.
In my world boasting about supposed wealth (for the sake of it) never goes down well and is considered tacky (ie lacks class .... Tacky probably the word i should of used instead in my post)
My original post to them wasn't meant to be confrontational, it was merely a tongue in cheek comment that i had hoped the poster would take with good grace. Unfortunately they decided to get personal by trying to belittle my financial status ("Sorry if your personal financial position isn't the same") ....(again tacky)
Im not classy as in the traditional meaning ... far from it :rotfl:0 -
It's yet another example of an ill thought out will. It would have been better if mother had been left the house outright, then at least everyone would know where they stand. This way, it's a muddle since no-one is really sure what their rights and responsibilities are.0
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Or, alternatively, mother left with a life interest in the house but the property left to the two offspring.0
This discussion has been closed.
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