Milocat's Long Road Home..

milocat · 20 May 2019 at 5:26PM

Well I have to say I never thought I'd be back here. It's been 4 years and I've just re-read my old threads and basically want to kick myself repeatedly. The amount of excuses I made, all while professing how "on top" of things I was is baffling to me. The only good thing I've managed to do in the last four years debt wise, is get rid of the husband and remain on the Stepchange DMP. I have had to work seriously hard to unlearn some bad habits, such as "killing myself financially to support my partner" and "not being able to say no". That sort of means that my debt total has remained... pretty much the same.

I've been with my new partner for just over 2 years. I finally sold the house I was living in with ex-HB, and moved to a cheaper area (hurrah!) where the council tax costs me £174 a month instead of £230 - and as of the end of the last tax year my council tax arrears are properly cleared. :j That was the hardest lesson of all, when we moved the new county regulations state that no arrears can be carried over into the new tax year, so for February and March I was paying £600 a month to get everything cleared on time. NEVER again.

My partner has recently confessed to me that he has a problem with spending money, which I suppose is what has brought me back to you. We both work and make an okay income between us but the debt he has landed us in is taking up about half our monthly incomings. As of this morning we had an appointment at Barclays, and now have a joint account, whereby he has left me completely in charge. Obviously with my past spending habits this is absolutely terrifying. _pale_ so I am going to start posting here again to keep me accountable and make sure I keep on top of everything. He is the only one of the two of us that has any sort of credit rating and its really important to us that one of us does, especially for our future together. I've come to accept that mine is battered, and will remain so for the foreseeable future, but I'm hoping between us we will figure this out and achieve financial nirvana or whatever.

We have a holiday to pay off in the next few months where we are taking 3 of his children, and my little girl to Barcelona for a week, and more pressingly, we have a family camping trip booked for the end of the month which we need to purchase supplies. No other nasty surprises coming up hopefully! Except the small niggle that my contract for my job ends on the 28th June and while there have been mutterings of extending us, there hasn't been any concrete proof of them doing so yet... Only time will tell. In the meanwhile, I need to get jobhunting ASAP.

I'm working late tonight, but when I get home I will do some laundry, clean up what is left of the Eurovision party we had on Saturday, cook dinner (Lidl's chicken thighs (£1.79) Chinese Flava-it (£1.00) and Lidl's potato salad (£1.09) - Total £3.88), change the bedding, do some ironing, and find something to watch that won't break my heart like the final episode of Game of Thrones did *spoiler: it was absolutely crap and a total let down.*
We watched BlacKkKlansman last night, and I quite enjoyed that, and we still have to finish Prison Break (although as that goes rapidly downhill in later seasons, I'm not sure where the cut-off point is for that.)

Anyway, that is enough ramblings for today...

Finance Summary
Joint Account total £0.00 ( only set up today- still need to change all direct debits over)
My account total £54.01
OH account total £20.00

Bills this week
Netflix £10 21st May
Car finance £207 25th May

Money due in
Wages £200 23rd May

mumof3.12kindebt · 20 May 2019 at 7:12PM

Good luck x

milocat · 21 May 2019 at 10:06AM

I've been meal planning last night and this is what I've come up with for a weekly rota;

Monday - Chicken Thighs and Potato Salad
Tuesday - Spaghetti Bolognese
Wednesday - Fish and veg with Homemade Wedges
Thursday - Beans on Toast
Friday - Chicken/Quorn Curry
Saturday - Pizza or Ribs with Coleslaw and Mash
Sunday - Veggie Burgers with Halloumi fries

Lunch at work will be sandwiches, fruit, crisps etc. Breakfast, cereal or scrambled eggs on toast. I can do curry, and Bolognese in the slow cooker, and that means I can freeze portions so some weeks I can just defrost those meals. I think I should be able to do the weekly food shop for £40 roughly. The only issue comes from when my OH's children come down every other weekend, and then I have to feed 7 of us and they all like different things/are fussy. It tends to be Friday pizza, Saturday pasta dish and Sunday roast dinner just to account for everyone.

I managed to get all my chores done last night, today is hovering/steam mopping/glass vac'ing the conservatory day. We watched more Prison Break - and I compiled a list of movies I'd like to see. I also looked into after school activities for my DD but they are all run during the time I am in work so that will not be happening. I love being in work and having a job and independence, but I hate feeling like I am missing out on her growing up. Thankfully the weather is getting nicer and the days are getting longer so I can squeeze in an hour of outside time with her once I pick her up from after-school club. I think I'll take her with me to walk the dog today, and maybe play some Pok!mon Go as she really enjoys trying (and usually failing) to catch Pok!mon.. There never seem to be enough hours in the day somehow.

We have made tentative plans for this weekend as it is ex-HB weekend to have DD - If I can find a voucher we will go to the cinema to see Rocketman on Sunday. On Saturday we are going to be pottering around the house, and then have a small barbecue and use our incinerator bin to get rid of the huge amount of cardboard/broken up cupboards that is cluttering up the shed. I'd also like to get a tip run in and reorganise the rear half of the shed. Essentially our shed runs the length of the house, and I have three boxes of "memories" from my parents house, a metric ton of Christmas d!cor, and then about 16 piles of miscellaneous STUFF that I don't actually know what it is or how I have acquired it, as well as all the regular bicycles, lawnmowers etc that are usually in a shed. I also need to build shelves for the garage so we have somewhere to store all our camping equipment as it is currently in a heap on top of the treadmill - and I want to get back into some sort of shape that isn't a blancmange before I have to wear a bikini on holibobs.

Aside from losing weight, I really really need to get myself in gear and get driving lessons before my theory expires in November. I also need to find a job with some permanency. I want to start writing again, because I miss having creative drive. I need to organise my linen closet, and find the spare money to take my dog to the vet because her breath is bad enough to knock you out at 60ft. I never seem to find the motivation to get anything done, I'm literally the queen of procrastination unless there is a looming deadline. I'm hoping continuing to write here will hold me accountable to following through with all my big ideas...

Finance Summary
Joint Account total £0.01
My account total £49.01
OH account total £106.00 (loan of £102 is still due to be debited at some point??)

Bills this week
[Strike]Netflix £10 21st May[/Strike]
Car finance £207 25th May

Money due in
Wages £200 23rd May

[Deleted User] · 21 May 2019 at 10:45AM

Just poking my nose in to say good luck, and I'm with you 100% on the final GoT episode!

beanielou · 21 May 2019 at 10:06PM

Happy shiny new diary

milocat · 22 May 2019 at 9:43AM

Morning everyone, hope you had a good Tuesday. I was a busy bee last night and I fell asleep on the sofa at about 11. Felt extra creaky and in need of my coffee this morning.

I managed to miss my Stepchange payment this month, which is the third time (supposedly - their systems cut off on the 16th and I usually pay it on the 16th, so even though I haven't missed any others, it doesn't look good). The upshot of this is that when I call them I can do a budget review, and add on my Vanquis credit card and gas & electric arrears. At present Greenstar are charging me £185 per month for dual fuel on a 4 bedroom detached house. I was paying £92 but a couple of payments bounced when we first moved in and now the new financial year has begun they are after their debts, as is everyone else. It always embarrasses me how quickly I manage to accumulate debt when I'm out of work - then as soon as I am working again it takes me over a year to get everything on an even keel, and then before I know it my job ends or something else gets in the way and I'm back to square one. It is a case of two steps forward one step back, and occasionally I hit a major bump and slide all the way back, have to dust myself off and carry on.

My partner fell into the trap of accruing more debt to clear his debts. I paid off both his credit cards twice, and I can't afford to do it any more. The first time I sold family items to raise the money, the second time I sold my piano. He managed to max out both again, and added two loans, and a Littlewoods account. We also have our car on finance, and the conservatory, as well as my Stepchange payment. This is a breakdown of our monthly repayments - the credit cards are on minimum payment already.

1st Stop Loan 1st £ 220.00
Vanquis Loan 2nd £ 102.00
Barclaycard 3rd £ 60.00
Vanquis Card 9th £ 110.00
Littlewoods 13th £ 200.00
Stepchange 16th £ 87.00
Conservatory 20th £ 139.00
Car finance 25th £ 207.00

Crippling amounts. It was a battle to get him to see we need to pay minimums on the CC just to keep our heads above water. All his wages were going on paying them off, and then he was spending on them again. Now his wages can cover all his debts, and I pay the conservatory and my Stepchange amount. I'm so stressed out over being in charge of all of this. I haven't written much about paying debts so far, because no payment dates have come up, and honestly I don't know if we are in a position to overpay on anything at present. I also have a sneaky feeling the date for the Littlewoods payment is incorrect and they will take payment on the 30th, at which point I will have no money to pay them, so I will have to borrow off someone. The only positive I can see at this point is that at the very least, each subsequent payment for Littlewoods will be slightly less each month, as I have changed the password for the account and deleted the app off his phone so he can't spend on it any more. Once that's paid off more money can go towards the other CC's.

I'm doing the food shop for the week tonight. I'm not very good at doing "big shops" - I feel like a donkey carrying everything home. My local shop is Lidl though, so it is definitely cheaper than ordering online. Usually I go and get 3 days worth of food. I'm doing fish stirfry tonight, which is a cheap tasty way to get vegetables in. I've got maybe £25-30 to spend, so it will certainly be a challenge for me. I've written a list out though, and as long as I stick to it I'm sure I will be okay! That's tonight's post-work chore anyway. Along with scrubbing the bathrooms, and another two baskets of ironing to do. Also JOB HUNTING. It's getting imperative now that I sort something out, if I'm not working we will go underwater in a dramatic fashion, reminiscent of the Titanic. I feel like Jack clinging to the door, and looming unemployment is Rose, about to dropkick me in the face.
:wall:

Finance Summary
Joint Account total £0.01
My account total £49.01
OH account total £106.00

Bills this week
Car finance £207 25th May
Car insurance £40 29th May
?? Littlewoods?? £200 30th May ????

Money due in
Wages £200 23rd May
Wages £1400 31st May

Choccygirl123 · 22 May 2019 at 10:32AM

Morning milo at

I can't offer much debt advice, but wanted to wish you well on your journey. Have you looked at temp work until you get something permanent?

teafor2 · 22 May 2019 at 11:02AM

Hi Milo

Goodness, you do have a lot on your shoulders don't you.

No wonder you're feeling stressed out about everything. If you've already cleared your OH's debt twice and are now having to do it again do you think this will be a recurring problem or has OH definitely seen the error of his ways this time.

Do you have a plan of action like trying to throw any extra money to a particular debt to get rid of it?

There are people on here that are much more financially orientated than me and I hope they come along soon to try and help you out.

I've subscribed to your diary and will be cheering you on. Good luck. xx

milocat · 23 May 2019 at 10:11AM

Its Thursday! One day closer to the weekend. I read somewhere that while we only get 20 odd days of paid holiday, we also have 52 weekends, which adds up to an extra 104 days off. Since then I've really tried to use my weekends more instead of just whimpering on the sofa while DD smashes playdoh into the pile rugs.

Ambivalent news regarding the looming Littlewoods payment - while it isn't due until the 10th - it is now due to the tune of £327 minimum payment.
:eek:
I could have gently strangled OH. He went to play a 9-hole this morning and asked very nicely if he could go to Spoons with his mates afterwards, as long as he spent less that £15 in total. I said yes, because he goes a bit stir crazy if he is stuck in not actually doing anything, and its been a while since he last did go out. He's off to his brothers on Sunday as well for a couple of beers and some PS VR, so when DD gets back from her dad's I will do us a big bowl of popcorn and watch a movie with her.

Positive news - I managed to get the food shopping and still have money in my account! I spend £32.18, so only ever so slightly over budget, and that was entirely my fault as we had dips in the fridge and I bought crisps to use the dips up, as well as some chocolate snacks, and a couple of cleaning items I hadn't budgeted for. I only need to get the Flava stuff for the chicken thighs on Monday, otherwise, I think I have everything. I came to work today with snacks from the cupboard and a garlic sausage sandwich, plus 2 sachets of coffee to get me through the day. Going forward that means I can assume my budget of £200 a month on food, is actually not inaccurate, and may be slightly higher than I need. Obviously on the weekends where the kids come down its more, but all in, not bad. After half term I will also start sending DD to school with lunch rather than paying £2.20 a day for the school to feed her. Its purely laziness on my part and not wanting to deal with washing out rancid lunchboxes that prompted my initial decision to get her school meals, but I'm more concerned with moneysaving than an extra 5 mins in bed at present, especially if I'm already making my own lunch.

I prepped chicken curry last night, but its still too watery this morning. I added a little bit of flour and I've left it on low all day, so I'm hoping it will have evened itself out by this evening. Knowing my luck it will just become stuck to the side of the slow cooker instead. :rotfl:

teafor2 - Honestly, I really hope so. He said to me the other day that "what's the point of struggling now when we can pay it all off when you get your inheritance anyway" and I was absolutely lost for words. I don't want to spend my inheritance paying off stupidly acquired debts; I am aware that some of it will have to go on doing so, and I fully plan on F&Fing my debts, but its not on to rack up several thousand pound in debt and expect me to clear it. Thankfully he has put me in charge fully, so I will be making sure that the debts are cleared ASAP, so hopefully I will only be left with the car finance, the conservatory, and the £7000 loan to clear, as opposed to all and sundry. He's also admitted he has totally lost control of how he sees money and impulse spending, and I guess he is trying to fix it by relinquishing control. It's just hard to be in charge of everything all the time. Housework, finances, actual job, children... It's exhausting thinking about it!
Ideally my plan is once the smallest debt is cleared, overpay towards the next smallest etc. I'm relatively confident this will clear the 2 credit cards, LW and the £2000 loan in the next 20 months.

Choccygirl123 - Temp work is what it will have to be if nothing else materialises in time. I am terrified of not being able to provide for my little family. I don't want my child to go without because of stupid financial decisions I have made.

Tonight - laundry whites and towels, buy deodorant and showergel for OH, make coconut rice to go with the watery curry (that will most likely be be cement by the time I get home), hoover upstairs, walk the dog, APPLY FOR JOBS.

Also my friend offered me a lift home from work today, so I got a single on the bus this morning, but now she's bailed so I will have to spend another £3 that I'm most miffed by. Its £1.50 that I wouldn't have needed to spend if she'd let me know an hour earlier.

Finance Summary
Joint Account total £0.01
My account total £16.83
OH account total £90.00

Bills this week
Car finance £207 25th May
Car insurance £40 29th May
[Strike] ?? Littlewoods?? £200 30th May ???? [/Strike]

Money due in
Wages £200 23rd May
Wages £1400 31st May

milocat · 23 May 2019 at 10:51AM

Just to add - took my morning 15 minute break and applied for 10 administration jobs via Reed. Also signed up for email alerts for jobs within my abilities. I have 5 weeks in which to find a backup option if I am not extended on my FTA govt contract...

Siebrie · 23 May 2019 at 11:01AM

Hi Milocat, it seems you have a lot on your plate, and your husband has added to that, instead of helping you eat it. May I suggest you clear your own debts first? Pocket money for him may be useful, for instance £5 per week, which should also be used for any hobbies he has (smoking? Drinking? Nights out with mates?). If he goes stircrazy in the house, maybe he could find a side-job or handyman's work to do? Your inheritance should not be spent already, that comment made me really mad.

It may help you if you could post a Statement of Affairs here, so that we can make suggestions on where to cut costs.

Milocat's Long Road Home..

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