Single Dad needing advice....

Oakdene · 10 May 2018 at 12:31PM

I would just like to thank everyone that has posted replies on here, I was panicking all night & this morning but feel more relived now

pollypenny · 10 May 2018 at 5:06PM

Oakdene wrote: »

I would say, if any, her English teacher but only because she seems to be the teacher she talks about mostly. Her work in English has gone from level 5 to level 8 in this academic year alone. Do you think perhaps I should ask to speak to the teacher?

Can’t do any harm. I have had a number of pupils confide in me or simply ask advice.

As English is a subject where issues and relationships are continually discussed, through literature, we are often seen as approachable.

Otherwise, do you have any very good neighbours or friends whom she might trust?

Mummy2cheekymonkeys · 10 May 2018 at 5:41PM

My niece was going through the opposite situation to your daughter. She is very small compared to the other girls in her class and they all started treating her differently as they had all started their periods but she hadn't. To be honest I think kids will always pick out things that are different about someone. It doesn't always go as far as bullying but they can do enough to make that person uncomfortable.

FBaby · 10 May 2018 at 6:18PM

When I was that age, I was very close friend with two girls (not friends with each other). One was massively self-conscious because her breasts were very developed whilst the other was very anxious at the fact that she was flat as a pancake. Either would have given anything to have what the other had!

In both cases, they grew out of it. The one with the larger breasts realised that it was a bad feature to have, the other accepted that she was the way she was and that it didn't stop her having boyfriends.

You're doing the right thing by talking to her but don't make a big deal out of it beyond reassuring her that her worth is not tested by comparing herself to her group of friends.

iammumtoone · 10 May 2018 at 6:39PM

I was brought up by just my dad from age 11.

I started growing hairs down below way before any of my peers. At swimming the other kids would remark and take the mick. I starting shaving (with a pair of scissors I didn't have access to razors) down below. Luckily I didn't develop up top so quick so it was something I could hide from Dad I would never have felt comfortable discussing it with him (thats no reflection on him he was a good Dad).

Having been in a similar situation I do think whilst it is something to keep in the back of your mind others have maybe jumped on the alternative reasons for wanting to hide breasts a bit quick. I just see a teenage who is probably having comments made about her breasts by other kids and wants that to stop (what child doesn't want to stop other kids taking about them).

I suggest taking her to a good bra fitting shop (or get her Nan to) and leaving her to talk to the staff about her wants (ie to make her breasts look smaller) a sports bar might work or a miminiser, there are lots of options to try. Then just pay at the end. Return regularly to make sure as she grows the new bras still fit and are doing the job she wants. In a short while she will probably be asking the fitter to recommend a bra that makes the most of her assests.

onomatopoeia99 · 10 May 2018 at 6:54PM

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

To be honest I think kids will always pick out things that are different about someone.

Yep. Deviate from the herd and it makes you a target for the bullies. For me it was having to wear (brown NHS horn rim) spectacles from age seven, some years before anyone else in my class did.

LavenderBee · 11 May 2018 at 7:46AM

I do feel for your daughter - I'm another one of the early developers like some of the other ladies here. First to have periods, first to have breasts, and the primary school wasn't equipped for it (no bins in the toilets, communal changing etc). I did feel like a freak show and got lots of unwanted attention. This was in the days before the internet, social media and !!!!!! everywhere.

I would definitely echo the advice to take her to a bra fitting service, go and wander 2 shops down and maybe ask her to text you when she's done - you sound like an amazing dad, honestly; but most teenage girls won't want dad hanging round a lingerie section! You can book appointments online for M&S so no need for either of you to have to approach and ask if she can be seen. The sort of band style bra is quite popular at the moment, she might find that a bit more discreet if it isn't a full on minimiser she wants.

I'm also sporty, I would definitely get her sports bra checked (maybe she could wear it to the appointment?) - again it sort of throws you off kilter when you're used to throwing yourself about and now there are these things stuck to the front of you to consider! If that doesn't fit anymore it can be really uncomfortable.

I started early but also "stopped" early too. I wouldn't be classed as buxom or naturally curvy by anyone now - I always think I've got massive hips, and they were when I was a child. My boobs ended up smaller than average, because everything had grown and stopped by 12-13. This meant that everyone else caught up, I was no longer a novelty and life moved on. But at the time, when you're a hormonal 13 year old and can't actually imagine school will ever end, that you will be an adult one day; it's rough.

I wish you both the best.

Oakdene · 11 May 2018 at 8:39AM

pollypenny wrote: »

Can’t do any harm. I have had a number of pupils confide in me or simply ask advice.

As English is a subject where issues and relationships are continually discussed, through literature, we are often seen as approachable.

Otherwise, do you have any very good neighbours or friends whom she might trust?

I might try & pop discreetly into school & have a chat with her teacher (who ironically my daughter thinks I am well suited to in terms of a relationship & has often remarked I should ask her on a date :rotfl::rotfl:)

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

My niece was going through the opposite situation to your daughter. She is very small compared to the other girls in her class and they all started treating her differently as they had all started their periods but she hadn't. To be honest I think kids will always pick out things that are different about someone. It doesn't always go as far as bullying but they can do enough to make that person uncomfortable.

There could be something to this, given that both her & her brother have very ginger hair...

FBaby wrote: »

You're doing the right thing by talking to her but don't make a big deal out of it beyond reassuring her that her worth is not tested by comparing herself to her group of friends.

I don't want to make it a big deal as I think as soon as she thinks I am doing this, it could make her clam up & not talk to me the way she does at the moment...

Oakdene · 11 May 2018 at 8:43AM

iammumtoone wrote: »

Having been in a similar situation I do think whilst it is something to keep in the back of your mind others have maybe jumped on the alternative reasons for wanting to hide breasts a bit quick. I just see a teenage who is probably having comments made about her breasts by other kids and wants that to stop (what child doesn't want to stop other kids taking about them).

I suggest taking her to a good bra fitting shop (or get her Nan to) and leaving her to talk to the staff about her wants (ie to make her breasts look smaller) a sports bar might work or a miminiser, there are lots of options to try. Then just pay at the end. Return regularly to make sure as she grows the new bras still fit and are doing the job she wants. In a short while she will probably be asking the fitter to recommend a bra that makes the most of her assests.

From what I have read here I think the bra fitting idea seems the most logical first step, it is almost a 'not making this into a big deal' idea....

LavenderBee wrote: »

I would definitely echo the advice to take her to a bra fitting service, go and wander 2 shops down and maybe ask her to text you when she's done - you sound like an amazing dad, honestly; but most teenage girls won't want dad hanging round a lingerie section! You can book appointments online for M&S so no need for either of you to have to approach and ask if she can be seen. The sort of band style bra is quite popular at the moment, she might find that a bit more discreet if it isn't a full on minimiser she wants.

I'm also sporty, I would definitely get her sports bra checked (maybe she could wear it to the appointment?) - again it sort of throws you off kilter when you're used to throwing yourself about and now there are these things stuck to the front of you to consider! If that doesn't fit anymore it can be really uncomfortable.

I started early but also "stopped" early too. I wouldn't be classed as buxom or naturally curvy by anyone now - I always think I've got massive hips, and they were when I was a child. My boobs ended up smaller than average, because everything had grown and stopped by 12-13. This meant that everyone else caught up, I was no longer a novelty and life moved on. But at the time, when you're a hormonal 13 year old and can't actually imagine school will ever end, that you will be an adult one day; it's rough.

I wish you both the best.

Thank you... I tried to remember what school was like when I was that age & I do seem to remember there were some horrible little kids about who were more immature than those around them. As above I think the bra fitting is the way to go initially.

Mojisola · 11 May 2018 at 10:37AM

Oakdene wrote: »

As above I think the bra fitting is the way to go initially.

Just keep in mind that not all bra fitters are good at their job - your daughter needs to know that, if she doesn't feel comfortable in the size of bra the fitter selects, she can refuse it.

Single Dad needing advice....

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