When is infidelity infidelity?

NeilCr · 7 July 2017 at 5:55PM

maman wrote: »

I completely agree.

But (just using your example), if you were out regularly having a drink with female colleagues and never socialised with your partner then I'd be asking questions about the relationship (with your partner that is). The colleagues would be providing fun and company and conversation that somehow she wasn't. That's what would worry me more than having a strict definition of an affair.

Well indeed.

I was challenging the proposition that if your partner thinks it is an affair then it is an affair

seven-day-weekend · 7 July 2017 at 8:17PM

debsue wrote: »

A friend has discovered that her husband has been flirting with a random woman he met on FB. This has been done over messenger and has been going on for a while. She knew that they were chatting but had no idea that it had become flirty, she has now discovered that they are facetiming when she is not home. She says this is as bad as an affair, I say not, what do you think?

If she feels he has betrayed her, then yes.

Some people do not mind flirting. I would feel betrayed.

System · 7 July 2017 at 11:45PM

Some people do not mind flirting. I would feel betrayed.

Yes me too.

Geoff1963 · 8 July 2017 at 1:52AM

Many commanders of invading forces, would order the ships to be burned, so that the soldiers, having no means of escape, would fight harder to win.
If a person is engaging in a back-up plan, or even just keeping their flirting skills honed ; it means they will be less committed to making their main relationship work.

See also :
"I have fallen in love many times, but always with you"
and
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rupertholmes/escapethepiacoladasong.html

maman · 8 July 2017 at 12:06PM

maman wrote: »

That comes back to my point abut problems in a relationship, if your partner was unhappy about you having a drink with a colleague of the opposite sex then it would worry me. The fact that instead of talking through her jealousy/insecurity you lied about it isn't helpful it just compounds the problem IMO.

NeilCr wrote: »

Well indeed.

I was challenging the proposition that if your partner thinks it is an affair then it is an affair

Many apologies Neil.:o

I didn't intend to make my response personal, just to respond to your hypothetical proposition..

NeilCr · 8 July 2017 at 12:08PM

maman wrote: »

Many apologies Neil.:o

I didn't intend to make my response personal, just to respond to your hypothetical proposition..

No apologies necessary.

:o

It's an interesting discussion

:beer::beer:

DUTR · 8 July 2017 at 12:28PM

debsue wrote: »

A friend has discovered that her husband has been flirting with a random woman he met on FB. This has been done over messenger and has been going on for a while. She knew that they were chatting but had no idea that it had become flirty, she has now discovered that they are facetiming when she is not home. She says this is as bad as an affair, I say not, what do you think?

How did the random woman appear on FB?
If a new friend request pops up and there are no mutual friends then the request is denied by me.

You say she knows they are messaging when she is not at home, so it sounds like they have between them more issues going down than some random contact on FB.

NeilCr · 8 July 2017 at 4:42PM

Mojisola wrote: »

But the friend wasn't worried about her husband chatting with this woman - so it doesn't sound as if she's neurotic about other sex friendships - it's only since he's starting being more secretive that she's worried.

Combine the secrecy with the move from messaging to facetime and I would be concerned as well.

Well. First up I was commenting on the general assertion that "if your partner thinks it's an affair it is an affair". I don't agree with this "general assertion"

In terms of the specific case I'd be interested to know how the person concerned found out what was happening. In particular how does she know it's flirting. Beyond that, yep if he's doing this (assuming it is flirting and not just general banter) then I fully agree that there is cause for concern about the relationship because it would appear to be behind her back. Most of my friends are female and my OH knows about them, when I am in contact with them (I don't mean micromanaging but I am open about what we are doing etc) etc etc.

My OH and I are both flirts. We trust each other so it doesn't bother either of us. I do think if you have a strong, grounded relationship a bit of innocent flirting really shouldn't be an issue. Of course if you haven't got such a relationship it's different.

Torry_Quine · 8 July 2017 at 5:20PM

NeilCr wrote: »

Well. First up I was commenting on the general assertion that "if your partner thinks it's an affair it is an affair". I don't agree with this "general assertion"

In terms of the specific case I'd be interested to know how the person concerned found out what was happening. In particular how does she know it's flirting. Beyond that, yep if he's doing this (assuming it is flirting and not just general banter) then I fully agree that there is cause for concern about the relationship because it would appear to be behind her back. Most of my friends are female and my OH knows about them, when I am in contact with them (I don't mean micromanaging but I am open about what we are doing etc) etc etc.

My OH and I are both flirts. We trust each other so it doesn't bother either of us. I do think if you have a strong, grounded relationship a bit of innocent flirting really shouldn't be an issue. Of course if you haven't got such a relationship it's different.

You can have a strong relationships and still have an issue with flirting.

NeilCr · 8 July 2017 at 5:23PM

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You can have a strong relationships and still have an issue with flirting.

Why?. Genuine question

We are talking about "open" flirting not something behind your back

When is infidelity infidelity?

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