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    • OneHalfMortgageFree
    • By OneHalfMortgageFree 19th Aug 19, 1:46 PM
    • 6Posts
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    OneHalfMortgageFree
    Am I being unreasonable charging partner a token rent?
    • #1
    • 19th Aug 19, 1:46 PM
    Am I being unreasonable charging partner a token rent? 19th Aug 19 at 1:46 PM
    Background:
    My ex wife and I used to have a joint account for household/shared bills and separate accounts for our "pocket money". I used to contribute 65% to that joint account so we'd both have the same pocket money each month. A little before she decided to divorce me for her boyfriend I didn't know about, she cleaned out her savings accounts and "lost it in the casino". Of course, with no prior warning, my accounts showed a healthy balance on D-day. Hence, my savings became joint property and she got half of them, so 75% of our savings went to her.

    After my life was ruined by the one person I trusted most, I hit a deep depression. Too many downsides of that to mention but one upside was that I threw myself into my work. It's amazing how many hours you can squeeze in when you can't face going home... I slowly saved back my lost savings, hit a few bonus targets, had a very nice pay rise and started to feel human again.

    I even met a lovely lady...

    Situation:
    Said lovely lady is great, but both of us have been burned in the past and keep all finances separate. After a while she moved in with me and the murky subject of rent came up. We have no formal rent agreement or anything, we just agreed a single figure which includes all food and all bills. Fast forward a number of years and the mortgage is now cleared (hurrah!). I didn't really think anything of it, until I was asked how much she should pay now?

    I didn't expect any change as what she pays bore no resemblance to the mortgage. When the mortgage was high, she paid the same. When it was medium, it didn't change. Now it's gone I just assumed she'd keep paying a token amount as before.

    Her point is that she was happy to make a token contribution to the mortgage, but she's not happy paying if I'm not. That makes no sense to me?! What difference does it make whether I'm paying anything monthly or have pre paid it all?

    We double checked all the bills and, now there's no mortgage, she's paying £200 a month more than 50/50, so she wants to drop to exactly 50/50. Being slightly prickly, I looked up the rental value of the property on Zoopla and it's £2k a month! So she's only paying 10% rent but wants to pay zero (one might argue!)

    I can see why she feels it's unfair, but when I was working out how much I could afford to pay to the mortgage I based that on her full rent and although it's only £200 a month, to square my books up I'd need to reduce my pension contributions by over £4k. She went crazy at that of course, accusing me of treating her as my pension, which I can understand to a point. But equally if I just withdrew equity from the house again then, by her logic, she'd be happy to keep paying! Only now we'd be paying interest to the bank and losing money on the cash in real terms...

    And, although I'd never actually charge a partner 50% of market value for rent, I do think 10% is a fair deal all things considered?!

    So back to my question: am I out of order for asking she continue to ignore whatever the mortgage is and just keep paying as before?

    TL;DR
    Ex screwed me over so now I'm more careful (mean) these days and want to keep charging my partner rent despite having no mortgage
Page 4
    • sevenhills
    • By sevenhills 22nd Aug 19, 11:18 PM
    • 2,527 Posts
    • 926 Thanks
    sevenhills
    Regardless of the last paragraph, if you insist on charging rent to a partner then there's pretty much no hope for you. If I was her I'd start charging you for sex at £400/month as soon as she starts paying rent.
    Originally posted by kangoora

    Where the OP went wrong, was that he called it a 'token rent'. Every house owner has expenses, not just utilities.

    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 23rd Aug 19, 4:00 AM
    • 33,311 Posts
    • 66,642 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    My son and his partner each put the same amount into the communal pot to pay bills and expenses. Some of it goes towards paying the mortgage. My son's partner is not on the mortgage. This was a decision taken when he bought the flat as he has an immaculate credit history and she has not. This arrangement works well for them.

    However, I think the OP feels a little resentful towards his partner. It is not so much what he is asking her to pay, but his attitude towards her, calling her a 'lodger' and her contribution 'rent'.

    I think h perhaps needs counselling so that he can move on from his previous relationship.
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
    • warby68
    • By warby68 23rd Aug 19, 4:31 AM
    • 1,311 Posts
    • 10,717 Thanks
    warby68
    So if something happens to your partner, you're fine financially but what if something happens to you OP, what happens to your partner? Who gets the house?

    This might be a sign of how much a partnership this is.

    If I owned the house and for some reason didn't want my partner to but still felt they were my life partner, I'd at least want them to have as much security as possible for future 'what ifs' not be building up my asset base even further at the expense of theirs.

    Not convinced OP is genuine though - provocative wording repeated.
    • YoungBlueEyes
    • By YoungBlueEyes 23rd Aug 19, 7:05 AM
    • 498 Posts
    • 683 Thanks
    YoungBlueEyes
    I understand where the OP is coming from.

    My friend Clare used to go to the cinema about 20 miles away and would often miss the last bus home. She’d ring me and I’d go pick her up. I was a night owl so the time wasn’t an issue, and she always gave me a tenner.

    Just because it didn’t cost me a tenner to do it was neither here nor there. It was a lot less than a taxi would have charged her. She was paying for the ...service/privilege?
    [FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="1"]I don't make the same mistake twice. I like to make it 5 or 6 times, you know, just to be sure.
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 23rd Aug 19, 8:09 AM
    • 16,623 Posts
    • 23,060 Thanks
    pinkshoes
    No you're right.

    What an animal I am for asking for a 10% payment towards her lodgings when of course she should only ever have to pay 50% of the bills; no more, no less. I mean, who pays rent anyway?

    I shall also of course ask for 50% of all interest/dividends she receives from her savings and investments, given she only had those monies given she hasn't had to spend anything* on somewhere to live

    *£200 a month adjusted, of course.....
    Originally posted by OneHalfMortgageFree
    This doesn't make sense.

    You start by saying you got stung financially by your ex, yet with the new partner you have essentially been allowing her to pay towards the mortgage, giving her a financial interest in property.

    She should ONLY have been paying 50% of bills. As she is your partner (not a lodger) then anything else would be seen as a contribution to the mortgage, so should you split, then she could have a claim on your house.

    I would give back ANY payment she has made over 50% of bills as a 'surprise' and tell her you have been putting it aside for her!
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • Honeylife
    • By Honeylife 23rd Aug 19, 8:39 AM
    • 191 Posts
    • 247 Thanks
    Honeylife
    I understand where the OP is coming from.

    My friend Clare used to go to the cinema about 20 miles away and would often miss the last bus home. She’d ring me and I’d go pick her up. I was a night owl so the time wasn’t an issue, and she always gave me a tenner.

    Just because it didn’t cost me a tenner to do it was neither here nor there. It was a lot less than a taxi would have charged her. She was paying for the ...service/privilege?
    Originally posted by YoungBlueEyes
    But she is your FRIEND not your lover and partner!
    If my husband/partner/lover charged me a tenner every time he picked me up cause I missed the last bus home ... well he wouldn't, but he would get short shrift from me!
    "... during that time you must never succumb to buying an extra piece of bread for the table or a toy for a child, no." the Pawnbroker 1964
    • YoungBlueEyes
    • By YoungBlueEyes 23rd Aug 19, 9:08 AM
    • 498 Posts
    • 683 Thanks
    YoungBlueEyes
    Perhaps it wasn’t the best comparison...

    Yes she is my friend, and a husband/partner would have been different. She offered me a tenner when it became a regular and frequent thing (ie 2 or 3 times a week sometimes) that I was driving to the outskirts of Hull at near midnight.
    [FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="1"]I don't make the same mistake twice. I like to make it 5 or 6 times, you know, just to be sure.
    • unholyangel
    • By unholyangel 23rd Aug 19, 2:21 PM
    • 13,862 Posts
    • 11,163 Thanks
    unholyangel

    You start by saying you got stung financially by your ex, yet with the new partner you have essentially been allowing her to pay towards the mortgage, giving her a financial interest in property.

    She should ONLY have been paying 50% of bills. As she is your partner (not a lodger) then anything else would be seen as a contribution to the mortgage, so should you split, then she could have a claim on your house.
    Originally posted by pinkshoes
    You can charge a partner rent - just its wise to get them to sign something acknowledging that they're not gaining an interest in the property so that if relations ever break down, they can't then try to claim an interest in the house.

    Not having that doesn't mean they'll definitely be able to claim an interest. It would depend on who the courts believed taking into account relevant circumstances. So for example a partner who maybe pays a portion of home building insurance, portion of rewiring costs or new central heating etc. Versus a partner who doesn't pay anything towards property costs - even if they are contributing to decor or appliances (because tenants normally are liable for those, not the owner).
    Money doesn't solve poverty.....it creates it.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 24th Aug 19, 5:31 AM
    • 17,180 Posts
    • 42,182 Thanks
    FBaby
    The issue is the concept of making a direct profit off your partner.

    The irony is that when you still had a mortgage to pay, her contribution went towards the mortgage so you were not making money towards her but she was potentially gaining an interest towards the house.

    Now the house is paid, you are earning an income from her yet her argument towards an interest on the house is lower as he is clearly not paying towards the mortgage any longer.

    It's this concept of making money off someone you claim to love and care for that is appearing callous by most posters. If ultimately you end up using that money to treat her, then it shows a control issue. If you genuinely feel that it is totally acceptable to make money off a partner for you benefit, then your morals are quite questionable, hence why I wouldn't never want to share my life with someone who defended such action as reasonable.
    • takethemon
    • By takethemon 24th Aug 19, 7:10 AM
    • 120 Posts
    • 68 Thanks
    takethemon
    I am not sure if this post is a wind up.
    If it isn't then I think your actions are very mean minded.
    You have been together several years, are mortgage free and financially comfortable ( by my standards ) going on the figures you are quoting.
    Is it really worth risking fracturing your relationship for money that you don't need, other than to set a point of principle?
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