Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

crazy_cat_lady · 13 May 2018 at 8:34AM

wishingthemortgaheaway wrote: »

Oooh is that a 2018 temperature blanket?
I'm up to June of 2017 on mine, but keep stopping to do other projects.

apple_muncher wrote: »

What is a temperature blanket???

Yes, it's a 2018 blanket - I'm doing the one by Esther here https://itsallinanutshell.com/tag/temperature-blanket/

I love it because it has a different colour for every temperature - unfortunately I ran out of my colour for 12 degrees yesterday so rather than pretend it was 11 degrees on the day or something I decided to put it away again until I can afford some more wool in that colour. Any excuse

I have plenty other projects to be getting on with at the moment though so it's no hardship...

Steerpike88 wrote: »

Hey CCL! So glad I found your diary.
I just want you to know that you're not responsible for him, he's in charge of his own life and he's decided for a free ride off you. Yes, he's had depression but he took you for granted and showed you utter contempt when you were the only one holding his life together.
I do feel sad for him, but it was obvious that you couldn't help him anymore.
You're amazing.

Thank you for this Steerpike - just what I needed this morning. I've woken up feeling a bit yuck for some reason. Not regretting what I've done, but just not good moodwise. And thanks Buffy - my bestie does say I'm doing well and reminds me to try and stay strong. We still have a long way to go, and I'm desperate now to get him out of my dad's place but I'm not sure how to do that any more. I feel like I've reached a completely dead end. I need my dad to ring 111 for him but can't convince him, and whilst my husband isn't my responsibility any more it is my fault that he ended up at my dad's house. I wish my dad would toughen up and do something...

Anyway, onto other stuff. I was woken up hideously early this morning by ds screeching at his Xbox which I am most displeased about. :mad: I still feel tired - even though I didn't do much yesterday I wasn't ready to get up this morning at half past seven.:mad: Thankfully I don't have to go to work... although I do have my tutoring sessions today. Then I'm going to go to my mam's with the kids for our lunch and a bit of a catch up. Should be nice as long as I can hang onto my temper with ds.

beanielou · 13 May 2018 at 11:31AM

Glad my DS is now grown up :rotfl:
I remember not being able to get to sleep because of the Xbox roaring :eek:
Enjoy your day.

AspiringButAnxious · 13 May 2018 at 11:58AM

I was just trying to explain how it feels from dh's pov, after you said you didn't understand how his mood could drop so much, so suddenly. I certainly didn't intend anything I wrote as criticism -- as I said in previous posts, you can't (and shouldn't) take responsibility for dh or offer help to the extent that it affects your wellbeing. I'm just saying don't give up on him completely, because that gives him the best chance of sticking around for your kids' sake and (hopefully) recovering so he can be the best father he can to them.

I thought my posts made it clear that I'm sympathetic of your situation, believe you have made the right decision and support you. I'm sorry if that didn't come across.

crazy_cat_lady · 13 May 2018 at 10:05PM

AspiringButAnxious wrote: »

I thought my posts made it clear that I'm sympathetic of your situation, believe you have made the right decision and support you. I'm sorry if that didn't come across.

I feel incredibly guilty about doing what I've done, and I think I'm particularly sensitive to people thinking badly of me. I have spent my entire life trying to make people happy and get people's approval, so I give myself a very hard time. I need to back right off from the situation, for my own sake, but I am incredibly worried about what might happen next, and wonder if it's something I've done that's made him like that... My mind is whizzing all of the time with what I want versus what I think I should have versus what other people think of me dumping my poorly husband etc. I see a world of difference in your situation and his, in that you are trying your hardest to get out of your situation. He runs away and tries to hide from his, hoping that it will all go away.

He sent me a text this evening, saying he's popping round tomorrow to collect his Satnav as he's going away. I'm really mixed about this. I think this is where he leaves my dad's place and moves on, but I can't help but wonder how he can afford to hire a car when he can't afford to rent a room, or contribute towards his children. Anyway, at least it's some progress and my dad will get his house back to himself again, and I can let the council know he's gone and get my council tax discount.

Had a lovely day all in all - if I could just shift this headache. Did my tutoring, then spent the afternoon at my mam's. Fed for free, good company and time to relax. So I bagged a nsd, got fed for free and came home feeling much better than I did this morning that's for sure. 2 weeks until half term:j, and 3 until payday.:(

beanielou · 14 May 2018 at 8:22AM

Have a good week.

crazy_cat_lady · 14 May 2018 at 1:30PM

OK - I admit that I'm really stressed out about seeing my husband tonight. I've not slept well at all and I'm worried about how things might go and how upset I might get after he's been and gone. Still, whatever is going to happen is going to happen isn't it? Nothing I can do about it. I know what I'm doing is right, and I will be fine - it's just difficult at the moment.

I've tried to be a bit proactive during my frees - caught up with my work to-do list and have also made a few phone calls. To the council to let them know I'm on my own now at the house, and I've made an appointment with a solicitor as well (for during half term) to get the ball rolling there. Once that's sorted out then we can really get to moving on. I just wish that I felt more positive today instead of a bit of a nervous wreck.

PurpleFairy26 · 14 May 2018 at 1:57PM

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

OK - I admit that I'm really stressed out about seeing my husband tonight. I've not slept well at all and I'm worried about how things might go and how upset I might get after he's been and gone. Still, whatever is going to happen is going to happen isn't it? Nothing I can do about it. I know what I'm doing is right, and I will be fine - it's just difficult at the moment.

I've tried to be a bit proactive during my frees - caught up with my work to-do list and have also made a few phone calls. To the council to let them know I'm on my own now at the house, and I've made an appointment with a solicitor as well (for during half term) to get the ball rolling there. Once that's sorted out then we can really get to moving on. I just wish that I felt more positive today instead of a bit of a nervous wreck.

Stay strong cat it will be difficult I'm sure but it's just the next stage in the process.

apple_muncher · 14 May 2018 at 7:29PM

Thinking of you allx

Eager_Elephant · 14 May 2018 at 8:35PM

Hope tonight has gone ok CCL ((( )))

crazy_cat_lady · 14 May 2018 at 9:21PM

I'm here - he's been and gone. This week was harder than last week - he's not doing well this week at all. Still not well enough for work. He's blown the last of his cash hiring a car and running off to Scotland again. At least legitimately this time, but I was worried to see him in the state he is in. He's very overwhelmed with his illness, work situation, living situation, cash situation and I think the reality of being a grown up has well and truly arrived. Today the doctor seemed concerned that he is suicidal, but not concerned enough to refer him off anywhere else. On the plus side, he's off for a week completely on his own to think things through, my dad has his house back, and I have a week without having to worry about the whole situation.

As suspected though, I am upset now that he's gone again. Just about the whole situation and seeing him in such a mess. At least it's not 24/7 this time though. I've been in the shower and am sitting here on my own with a cuppa and some peace and quiet. Trying to be kind to myself.

In other news - I crossed everything off my work to-do list today. There will be plenty more to deal with tomorrow but it was empty at 4pm. Made the aforementioned phone calls, and work have sorted me out with a bit of counselling to help me get through everything. That's kind of them. My appointment isn't until the beginning of next month, but I'm really busy so that's not really the end of the world. And I'm not desperate for it - just wanting to talk it out with someone completely impartial. I have had counselling through work before, and I'm really thrilled that it's the same guy - I really like him.

I even stayed back for an hour after work to help a few year 11 with some last minute revision as the biology exam is tomorrow afternoon.

I do feel quite tired now my adrenaline has gone, and I can tell because I don't even want to pick up my crochet tonight, which is unusual for me. I think I'll celebrate getting lots done today with another cuppa and an early night. :beer:

P.S. Got a nsd as well :j

Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

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