Financially worried about the future, how do other families manage?

vroombroom · 10 June 2019 at 1:28PM

We're in a not too dissimilar situation as you - married, 2 kids and a new(ish) build. My kids are 8 (b) and almost 2 (g), eldest is school and youngest is with my whilst hubby works during the day.

Our house is a tiny 2 bed which is on the market. We bought it originally with no plans to have any more kids. Fast forward 5 years later and here we are with with our little house and no room for anyone. The houses aren't selling round by us, so we have to make do.

We have one car, which I use during the day as my husband can walk to work.

He finishes at 4pm and I start my job at 5pm, working in a call centre. I work 4 x 6 hour shifts a week and it's bloody knackering, especially as my little girl is still in our room and doesn't sleep.

DH and I are like passing ships some times but it's worth it. I get to drop my son off at school and pick him up, plus I'm there through out the half terms for him.

Can you wife look at evening work? Call centres, cleaning etc? Also following what other people said, I'd consider getting rid of one car too.

MrBrindle · 13 June 2019 at 2:53PM

Thanks for all the replies, it's interesting to read and much appreciated. Once again, difficult to reply to each post individually.

I thought I'd be honest and say unfortunately, getmore4less is correct, my anxiety is more deep rooted than just this thread. I have probably been suffering badly since our house move last year - which I documented on here. I had what I would call a functional breakdown after the move, where I was able to work and carry on, but I felt anxious every single day for months.

I have tried CBT, mindfullness, counselling and hypnotherapy, but I still struggle at times. Along with money I have also been health focused, and been consumed by the thoughts of becoming ill. So much so that I've developed a lot of horrid physical symptoms of anxiety/stress. I've probably visited my surgery around 10 times since christmas. My IBS became unbearable between Jan - Mar and I ended up having a sigmoidoscopy, which my doc didn't think I needed. Nothing was found. And these days I'm obsessing with my heart. I have had chest tightness, breathlessness, racing heart, heartburn etc. My doc checked my BP, heart, lungs and gave me an ECG. All normal, apparently. He did refer me to cardio incase, but that's made me more anxious, even though I can still walk 5 miles a day and I've played 3 football matches over the past 2 weeks.

I've always been a hypochondriac, and it's a bit of a family in-joke, but it's become out of control since Christmas. My dog died from cancer back in October and that was a major trigger for my health worries. I also worry about my children's health as well.

It's things like that have made my partner disregard my worries about money, because I catastrophise and overthink situations.

The good news is that we have started talking about the future more clearly, and what can she do, and what can I do to help the situation. We have started to log all of our outgoings to see areas which can be tightened up.

Going down to one car is impossible because I have a 45 min commute and we don't live within walking distance to the school. If I had a job nearby I would cycle.

I don't really agree that £10k or thereabouts of savings is good, as that could easily be wiped out with house/car problems. Again, it's all about the what ifs for me.

So anyway, hopefully that gives you all a better picture of how bad my anxiety is, and it's not something I can just brush under the carpet. I need to do something about it, but feel disheartened after trying so many therapies and really don't want to take meds - but I may need to.

Brindlebabe · 23 January 2020 at 8:30AM

This is a really interesting thread.

I don’t have kids and always wonder how on earth people can afford them working in normal salaried jobs.

You’re right - it is important to keep some savings for security purposes, particularly if you’ve got a house and 2 older cars to maintain. If you eat into savings for day to day costs that could cause problems and won’t help your anxiety - it would be different if you had £50000 in the bank!

It sounds like you’re doing the right things in terms of logging your outgoings and talking to your partner. I don’t see a problem in asking your parents for help, either with money or childcare (is it really ok to expect them to provide childcare but a terrible injustice to take money from there for support just because you happen to have a small buffer in the bank? That seems counterintuitive to me). Only though, if your parents are willing and able to help! If they were skint themselves, or their health is compromised then that’s a different problem. I think a lot of parents are more than happy to spend their money on helping with grandchildren if they’ve got it.

I found counselling really helpful for anxiety last year. I was lucky enough to have some sessions funded by work (it’s not cheap) and it made a huge difference to my life. The question now for me is should I pay for private counselling to protect my mental health, or would the time and money cost of that actually make things worse. I imagine you will be in a similar position. It may be worth looking into funded counselling sessions some charities will have cheap or free counselling for a limited number of sessions for people like you who are struggling with anxiety but can’t afford the significant cost of it. I think even with some savings in the bank and a mortgage, someone earning £24000 with 2 kids Who is actively engaging in trying to keep their family’s situation sustainable and struggling with mental health issues should be entitled to some support.

Never underestimate the loss of a dog on your wellbeing. That can be catastrophic. He was (of course) your family too.

Thank you for taking the time to update this forum. Hopefully you’ll keep us updated with your progress. I have a feeling you’re going to be ok, but it sounds like you have a few tough years ahead.

Purplepineapple · 25 January 2020 at 7:34PM

You are doing well. Our household income is around £100k a year and I'm ashamed to say we are renting and have no savings! I'm 40. Its not always about how much money you have but how you manage it.
Having young kids is an expensive time, it will get better.

Pollycat · 25 January 2020 at 7:56PM

Purplepineapple wrote: »

You are doing well. Our household income is around £100k a year and I'm ashamed to say we are renting and have no savings! I'm 40. Its not always about how much money you have but how you manage it.
Having young kids is an expensive time, it will get better.

Jeez!
Are you doing anything about that?
The Debt free Wannabe board is great if you have debt.
Or even if you just want to reduce your expenditure.

Purplepineapple · 27 January 2020 at 7:05PM

Don't have debt, other than a car payment.
Part of it is lots of outgoings, largish rent, train travel to work and school fees. The other part is just procrastinating! We keep saying we will save but never do.
My husband just left ( says temporarily due to mental health issues but not sure if he will come back) so I'd say be happy for what you have that's not money related. Happy times with family, health etc. So long as you have some savings for emergency I really wouldn't worry.

Pollycat · 27 January 2020 at 8:50PM

Purplepineapple wrote: »

Don't have debt, other than a car payment.
Part of it is lots of outgoings, largish rent, train travel to work and school fees. The other part is just procrastinating! We keep saying we will save but never do.
My husband just left ( says temporarily due to mental health issues but not sure if he will come back) so I'd say be happy for what you have that's not money related. Happy times with family, health etc. So long as you have some savings for emergency I really wouldn't worry.

Apologies for prying.
I don't need to worry as I do have savings.

You said 'no savings' which I took to mean no savings but if you have emergency savings I guess that's OK for you.

Financially worried about the future, how do other families manage?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free