MoneyMoral Dilemma: Should I make my friend pay for the vase?
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I had a not dissimilar situation some time ago. I had a lodger living with me for a while, who broke a shaving mirror by dropping it as she was carrying it downstairs (I never did figure out why she carying it downstairs in the first place). This was worsened by the fact that it was about 3am and woke me up. I had also recieved it as a birthday present as part of a matching set some 20 years prior, so I was a little upset...
The lodger (we are good friends now and had moved out quite some time ago) was full of remorse and apologies. I told her not to worry, and that accidents happen. She did offer to get me another one, and I accepted saying 'that would be nice as it is quite useful, thank you' (or something like that). To this day I never recieved the replacement.
The 'moral' of my tale? Well, as I say above, we are still good friends. In the few years that have passed since the incident, I haven't really given it any thought - in fact it was only reading these posts that made me think of it at all. It had in fact been all forgotten...
To summarise - let it go, it's only a vase...
Ask yourself if you will be worrying about this in 5 years time. If not, then it isn't important in the grand scheme of things!
(Sorry to hear about your vase though)0 -
elizabethhull wrote: »Am I the only one wondering why this woman is your friend ???
Nope! And I am wondering why the husband didn't:
a) just remove the mirror from the location
b) clean up the mess himself with a disabled wife (I have a disabled partner myself, and couldn't stand back watching her scrub!!!)
c) make it absolutely clear to this 'friend' that dying her hair in their living room (or in their house at all, come to that!) was NOT going to happen due to the mess it causes...0 -
Of course not. She's your friend! What's a broken vase between friends? If your insurance covers it, great: if not forget it. Friendship is more important than things!0
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Three points:
1. the vase was a present to you - so didnt cost you anything in the first place.
2. claim on your insurance (as others have mentioned)
3. we all have too much 'stuff' - she has probably done you a favour !0 -
newtothemoneytips wrote: »I love my friend but she has no common sense, and it really winds my husband up. She came over to see me, and proceeded to dye her hair black in my living room, on my wooden floor. I was a bit taken aback by the lack of "can i dye my hair here" and when I asked her to do it in the bathroom, she told me she would be bored and "needs" to watch TV or she gets upset.
That's appalling!!!
I dye my hair black and wouldn't dream of asking to do it at a friend's house, never mind just assuming it was ok. It makes far too much mess and the dye, if it gets on anything, is absolute murder to shift - I have resorted to meths before! Why would she "need" to watch TV? Surely she should be preoccupied with the business of applying hair dye! Fair enough while it's "doing" but then I wouldn't have a problem with sitting on a dust sheet to catch drips (I do that anyway). I don't even use white hotel towels in case the dye comes off on them!!!
She sounds very selfish to be honest, and very unaware of the feelings of others given she expected you to apologise when she had caused the hassle, which I sincerely hope you made her aware of. Some people have no concept of what's acceptable and what's not and no concept of other people's feelings! Having said that, I wonder if she knew fine well the hassle she'd caused and that you weren't happy about it and that's why she didn't say anything to you after speaking to your DH. I reckon that's probably worse than if she just didn't twig.
As for the OP, I would expect the friend to offer to pay the same as any other cleaner should - in this situation she is being paid to provide a service so it's not the same as if she'd broken it while visiting. However, because there is a friendship there I wouldn't go asking for the money.0 -
No, Next time hire a real company who has its own insurance or go through the hassle of claiming of your own!0
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Usual question of how good a friend. In my eyes crap one wouldn't offer, a good one would, and a best one would probably know they don't have to.
If it's a best friend then it's probably no question at all which leaves the crap one. It's a professional relationship in this context so if contents insurance doesn't count (seems a sensible solution) then yeah, cough up!
Only you know how good a friend they are and whether they're worth the vase.0 -
PoorPennilessMe wrote: »I had a not dissimilar situation some time ago. I had a lodger living with me for a while, who broke a shaving mirror by dropping it as she was carrying it downstairs
My friend was lodging with me and she broke a bottle of balsamic vinegar at something like 6 a.m. I woke up an hour after she'd left the house to a lingering smell and kitchen floor tiles that were peeling off. It took me ages to clean it up (she had already done her best to mop it up).
We are still friends. I supposed I could have pushed for her to replace the floor etc. but I'd rather have the friend and, like you, I've only just remembered this now. I did suggest quite strongly when she was in a position to do so that she move out.
I'd give it a few weeks and let the friend who is cleaning go. It's obviously not a good thing for your friendship if you can't accept these sort of accidents are going to happen.0 -
Had a similar incident myself a few years ago. A friend dropped an expensive champagne glass which cost me £19 to replace. He didn't offer to pay so I just gritted my teeth and grinned through it! Presumed he didn't know the value or he might have offered to pay (maybe wishful thinking on my behalf). They're actually very generous friends so I've probably had the money back one way or another over the years since.
Anyone can have an accident, whether they're cleaning the house or just visiting. If you had hired a professional cleaner, they would have had their own insurance to cover such a situation.
Unfortunately even with professional cleaning companies there is often an excess to pay if you do claim on their insurance. I have had agency cleaners before spill bleach on rugs etc but as their insurance excess is £100 or more it's not worth claiming. Likewise it is probably not worth claiming on your own insurance as the premium will go up next time. Most cleaning agencies take the view - would you prefer a cleaner who cleans properly and has the occasional breakage or one who does not move anything to clean it and never breaks anything.0 -
This is unfortunately one of life's lessons, never under any circumstances mix financial matters with the ones that you love or care for, either friends or relatives as there is never a happy outcome for anyone, keep your financial matters private and enjoy personal relationships for what they are, good for the spirit and nothing to do with your wallet. As you have already chosen to ignore this rule you will unfortunately have to ignore your friend's accident too as this is what it was, chalk it up to experience and do not under any circumstances repeat your mistake and you will be happier for it. Like wise if you are ever approached for a loan you must always be prepared for the fact that you may not get it back accept this fact before you do it and if you think that you can accept this fact happily then go right ahead if not stay clear. Never employ family or friends and expect to have a normal employer/employee relationship it does not work so don't be surprised when it goes wrong. Just take a deep breath and move on with your friendship intact, you tried to help but failed don't make matters worse.0
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