Maintenance & Car

missg2210 · 15 November 2018 at 4:48PM

Hi all

My partner is paying 500 maintence for 1 child all in line with the gov calculator. He is also paying for her to drive around in a car that he finances for 200 per month. This is now becoming an issue because he is saying we have no money to do anything yet he is financing his exes car.

I believe 500 is ample for the child and the car as an extra is now an issue.

My questions are...

Can the car be deducted from the child maintence because the argument will be that the car is for the child?

The other option is he takes the car back... it is in his name after all?

He doesnt want to approach the subject and it is now an issue because it is affecting us. To the point I want to walk away because I do not want to be 3rd best and just an option.

I have tried my best to try and be involved with a child which isnt mine but I am constantly forced out or forgotton. I applaud anyone that does this because it is one of the hardest things I have done in my life.

Thanks for any input towards this. I know i may sound a bit dramatic but my Dad would be the first to tell me this and for once he actually agrees with me.... shock... he is first to side with everyone else

onomatopoeia99 · 15 November 2018 at 5:00PM

You will always be second best in a relationship with a single parent, though you shouldn't be behind the ex as well!

It doesn't matter what we all think he should or should not be paying to his ex or what he should do about the car, if he won't engage with you on financial matters then I'd say your relationship is in trouble anyway.

spadoosh · 15 November 2018 at 5:25PM

He doesnt want to approach the subject because basically he will turn around and say hell do anything to keep the mother of his child happy which allows him to be able to have the easiest way of him being in his childs life.

Youre definitely second best. If its a slightly rocky relationship between him and ex, youre probably 3rd best as she needs to be pleased in order to get what he wants with regards to the child.

From my point of view its not about financial engagement here. It seems like theres a long standing arrangement of £xxx amount of money goes the way of his ex/child. One which, now, upsets the OP. I assume that arrangement wasnt an issue at all when you didnt know about it?

heartbreak_star · 15 November 2018 at 5:26PM

Why can't she finance her own car?? £700 a month is practically my whole wage!

HBS x

Comms69 · 15 November 2018 at 5:34PM

It depends I can see your point, though if he's paying £500 a month he must have a decent wage.

But is the contact arrangement informal? Is he concerned that she's make it difficult for him to see his child?

In essence if she did and he had to go to court, £200 wouldn't even cover the application fee.

He's on more than 45k a year, so where's the rest of the wages? even after tax etc he must have several thousand a month left.

missg2210 · 15 November 2018 at 5:37PM

I fully expect to be 2nd best and that’s how it should be.

She also gets benefit so and work so I know she isn’t hard done by. We drop everything to help with changes in arrangements but something has now got to give.

I have always known about this arrangement as it was meant to finish in a couple months but suddenly it’s now another year..... so that annoys me and also being told we can’t do things but you pay 700 out every month. I’m in a good position myself but I don’t need to finance anyone else

thorsoak · 15 November 2018 at 5:39PM

He has a child, he has to pay until the child is 18 - so you'd best get used to the position - or move on.

missg2210 · 15 November 2018 at 5:39PM

Comms69 wrote: »

It depends I can see your point, though if he's paying £500 a month he must have a decent wage.

But is the contact arrangement informal? Is he concerned that she's make it difficult for him to see his child?

In essence if she did and he had to go to court, £200 wouldn't even cover the application fee.

He's on more than 45k a year, so where's the rest of the wages? even after tax etc he must have several thousand a month left.

We are both on 60k but as to his money and where it goes.... some gets saved the rest I’m not sure. I know where all mine goes as I keep spending diaries.

It is informal yes. But I made sure he wrote in every transfer what the money was for JIC

missg2210 · 15 November 2018 at 5:42PM

thorsoak wrote: »

He has a child, he has to pay until the child is 18 - so you'd best get used to the position - or move on.

I absolutely agree with this & paying for the kid isn’t a problem.... but a car to drive around in too???

Comms69 · 15 November 2018 at 5:43PM

missg2210 wrote: »

We are both on 60k but as to his money and where it goes.... some gets saved the rest I’m not sure. I know where all mine goes as I keep spending diaries.

It is informal yes. But I made sure he wrote in every transfer what the money was for JIC

To be honest it wouldn't matter, child maintenance isn't backdated anymore. BUT that's not the point really - I understand this is causing you frustration.

Given you're both on very reasonable wages, what is it that you cant afford to do?

I think that this is more likely a financial incompatibility than it is about £200. At the end of the day, if between you there isn't a spare £200, then something is very wrong.

retepetsir · 15 November 2018 at 5:45PM

On 60k the contribution should be around £123 a week/£500 a month....so cut the car?

Maintenance & Car

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