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  • FIRST POST
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    • 231Posts
    • 807Thanks
    Elinore
    Barking mad relatives!
    • #1
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    Barking mad relatives! 26th Mar 19 at 5:20 AM
    I have a family of two sides. My fathers are small loose knit, withdrawn, bookish gentle and reserved. My mothers family is huge, bright, loud, heavily, interconnected and dotty.

    Just a bit of background, just to give an idea of how this all came about - I moved away quite some time ago and live just outside London. I was honoured in my field recently at an awards ceremony and my mother and one of her sisters came down for the event. It never occurred to me that it was the first time any of the family outside of my mother have seen, or known where I live for nigh on 20 years.

    Saturday just gone i am puttering ready for bed and the doorbell goes. open the door to a very young lass, wheelie case with a toddler on her hip.

    Apparently my Aunt, in her infinite wisdom has decided that my 'huge'* house has room for her daughter! didn't ask, didn't check just put the girl on a National Express and let her travel all day to my door. (it's not huge! we just have a spare space which with large families or several generations all living together never happens) which I also happen to have our lovely mon/fri lodger living in!

    The young mum has aspirations for modelling and being close to London is key - Family do these things for the family I was told.

    Following day first thing I drove the wee lass to the train station, paid for a ticket (after buying her lunch and some bits for the babby) and sent her straight back, poor kid.

    Who does that! who?

    I've not heard a peep since! (apart from a message from the poor lass to confirm she was home safe)

    Families!
    Last edited by Elinore; 26-03-2019 at 5:23 AM.
Page 5
    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 2nd May 19, 12:37 PM
    • 1,018 Posts
    • 1,260 Thanks
    supermezzo
    I'd opt for a simple, polite and repeated 'No'. Gives them no room to wrangle or find a 'solution' to whatever problem you lay out before them. It also outs paid to drawn out conversations - repeated discussions will only keep their hopes alive.
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 2nd May 19, 12:54 PM
    • 15,173 Posts
    • 18,268 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    Tell aunt you cannot afford to have niece and baby living there for free. Ask
    aunt would she mind sending you x thousands of pounds upfront so you can afford to do so.
    Originally posted by tealady

    What if they dont want "wee niece" and baby living there and providing free childcare to boot?
    Any reason given, as others have said, gives them something to bite on and come back with an argument against. "no" with no reasons, doesn't give any foot in the door.
    Please dont criticise my spelling. It's excellent. Its my typing that's bad.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 2nd May 19, 12:57 PM
    • 2,236 Posts
    • 3,880 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    Wow...just wow!!!

    They aren't just barking, they are howling at the moon!!!

    A short, sharp NO is in order, escalated to FO if that doesn't sink in.
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 2nd May 19, 3:55 PM
    • 39,964 Posts
    • 37,256 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    If FO is too blunt, how about

    Dear aunt

    Thank you so much for sending the five year plan. The answer's no, as I have a five year plan of my own which is incompatible with yours.

    Yours

    E

    It would be tempting to draw up such a plan involving freeloading on her, but she might get excited at the thought of you living back nearby.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 2nd May 19, 4:02 PM
    • 2,742 Posts
    • 3,712 Thanks
    Robisere
    "No. I will never, ever accept this girl and her baby living here."

    And mean it.
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • -taff
    • By -taff 2nd May 19, 5:44 PM
    • 10,364 Posts
    • 14,277 Thanks
    -taff
    Received an email from Auntie...
    Ps - its very detailed and much more involved that just what's mentioned above.
    Originally posted by Elinore

    Actually, I've changed my mind...
    If she brings it up again....What e-mail?
    • kerri gt
    • By kerri gt 2nd May 19, 5:48 PM
    • 8,059 Posts
    • 53,717 Thanks
    kerri gt
    How about emailing back with a 'email address not recognised' mail
    Last edited by kerri gt; 02-05-2019 at 5:54 PM.
    Feb 2015 NSD Challenge 8/12
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    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 2nd May 19, 7:03 PM
    • 4,953 Posts
    • 50,012 Thanks
    Barny1979
    How about emailing back with a 'email address not recognised' mail
    Originally posted by kerri gt
    The risk of ignoring the email is the relative could turn up on the OP's doorstep and put the OP in a position. Needs a firm and blunt, even rude response stating no and the reasons why and rhetorical questions as to why OP should have the burden.
    2013 - 313 AFDs, 2014 - 289 AFDs, 2015 - 321 AFDs, 2016 - 276 AFDs, 2017 - 276 AFDs, 2018 - 240 AFDs
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    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 3rd May 19, 11:26 AM
    • 231 Posts
    • 807 Thanks
    Elinore
    Ummm, further email today asking if I have any thoughts and would it be better if they came down for a weekend to talk the whole thing through.


    They then suggested a short itinerary with some planned visits in London.


    I was going enjoy my bank holiday weekend and to leave it till Monday evening to go back to them but I think I best nip this in the bud tonight.


    (from a comment made in the email - I genuinely believe they think we are rolling in it, not helped by the caravan fiasco and just have the lodger for 'company' rather than money, so wee lass can fill that role)
    Last edited by Elinore; 03-05-2019 at 11:29 AM.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 3rd May 19, 11:28 AM
    • 31,357 Posts
    • 80,454 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Ummm, further email today asking if I have any thoughts and would it be better if they came down for a weekend to talk the whole thing through.

    They then suggested a short itinerary with some planned visits in London.

    I was going to leave it till Monday evening to go back to them but I think I best nip this in the bud tonight.
    Originally posted by Elinore
    And don't answer the door if they turn up on your doorstep despite being told you're not getting involved in their scheme!
    • breaking_free
    • By breaking_free 3rd May 19, 12:31 PM
    • 387 Posts
    • 746 Thanks
    breaking_free
    This is by far my favourite thread at the moment. Long may it continue
    "The problem with internet quotes is that you cant always depend on their accuracy" - Abraham Lincoln, 1864
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd May 19, 12:37 PM
    • 23,139 Posts
    • 62,502 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Ummm, further email today asking if I have any thoughts and would it be better if they came down for a weekend to talk the whole thing through.


    They then suggested a short itinerary with some planned visits in London.


    I was going enjoy my bank holiday weekend and to leave it till Monday evening to go back to them but I think I best nip this in the bud tonight.


    (from a comment made in the email - I genuinely believe they think we are rolling in it, not helped by the caravan fiasco and just have the lodger for 'company' rather than money, so wee lass can fill that role)
    Originally posted by Elinore
    If I were you I'd dig the whole damn plant up and put it through a tree shredder.
    I refer you to GlasweJen's suggestion.
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 3rd May 19, 12:47 PM
    • 4,458 Posts
    • 6,964 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    “ Ummm, further email today asking if I have any thoughts and would it be better if they came down for a weekend to talk the whole thing through.


    They then suggested a short itinerary with some planned visits in London.


    I was going enjoy my bank holiday weekend and to leave it till Monday evening to go back to them but I think I best nip this in the bud tonight.


    (from a comment made in the email - I genuinely believe they think we are rolling in it, not helped by the caravan fiasco and just have the lodger for 'company' rather than money, so wee lass can fill that role)
    Originally posted by Elinore
    Eek ! Auntie's plan is to turn up with wee lass and baby and all of their worldly goods, and to wave them goodbye when she departs after her all-expenses paid weekend in London !

    This has gone on long enough - it's unfair on you, and it's unfair on wee lass as they've almost certainly told her that she WILL be living her dream in London.

    The word is NO. And, as been said already, if they do turn up on your doorstep don't open the door.
    Last edited by Silvertabby; 03-05-2019 at 12:50 PM.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 3rd May 19, 12:52 PM
    • 2,236 Posts
    • 3,880 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    Treat them like bailiffs, come to take all your worldly possessions...

    Do not open the door, do not let them gain peaceful entry, or you'll never get rid of them!!!
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • -taff
    • By -taff 3rd May 19, 1:02 PM
    • 10,364 Posts
    • 14,277 Thanks
    -taff
    As uch as this is not nice or you, I can't wait for the next installment.
    WIll you be going away for the bank holiday [i.e. not answering the door] or will you be not answering the door?
    You know whatever you say there's every chance they'll still turn up.....
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 3rd May 19, 1:10 PM
    • 231 Posts
    • 807 Thanks
    Elinore
    I don't think they meant this weekend - it was more of a general 'lets get together sometime' though you all now have me worried!
    Last edited by Elinore; 03-05-2019 at 1:14 PM.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd May 19, 1:17 PM
    • 23,139 Posts
    • 62,502 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I think nothing short of 'your daughter is not coming to live here for 5 minutes, let alone 5 years and you are not welcome to come and stay with us ever' is going to work.

    Maybe it's time to decide if you want to send them a clear message that can in no way be misunderstood or continue rejecting their plans in a passive way.
    • JGB1955
    • By JGB1955 3rd May 19, 1:21 PM
    • 233 Posts
    • 256 Thanks
    JGB1955
    Perhaps you could just refer your aunt to this thread ......
    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 3rd May 19, 1:25 PM
    • 1,018 Posts
    • 1,260 Thanks
    supermezzo
    A horrid thought, but do you have spare keys to your house and have you checked that they're still there? I'd hate to see you come home to wee lass already having moved in!!!!
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 3rd May 19, 1:37 PM
    • 2,236 Posts
    • 3,880 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    Also, just thought...what about the lodger!!!

    You need to make sure they are on your side (not a soft touch) otherwise you could find they've let them in and made them a cup of tea!!!!
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
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