This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

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  • apple_muncher
    apple_muncher Posts: 14,701 Forumite
    First Anniversary Mortgage-free Glee! First Post Name Dropper
    A life coach sounds superb. Glad you can see her quickly.
    NST March lion #8; NSD ; MFW9/3/23 Whoop Whoop!!!
  • Watty1
    Watty1 Posts: 4,883 Forumite
    Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Post First Anniversary
    Thanks. Looking forward to it.

    I am slowly getting used to what has happened and finding it easier to not respond. I am learning to stick to facts that I know only.
    Tonight my intention (there we go again with the intentions) is to go running and when Mr Watty tells me he has been on the phone to say I expected that because it is usual. And frankly rather boring. And leave it.
    Made it to mortgage free but what a muddle that became

    In the event the proverbial hits the fan then co-habitees are better stashing their cash than being mortgage free !!
  • Karmacat
    Karmacat Posts: 39,460 Forumite
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    Facts that you know ... going running and looking after your own needs ... minimal response to a statement about the phone calls. That's a perfect little trifecta of focussing back onto yourself and your needs. Love it. Stops any drama, shifts the attention, wonderful stuff. Good luck tonight.
    2023: the year I get to buy a car
  • themadvix
    themadvix Posts: 7,878 Forumite
    Mortgage-free Glee! Photogenic First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Glad the life coach sounds promising.

    Response tonight sounds like a super plan.
    Mortgage free 16/06/2023! £132,500 cleared in 11 years, 3 months and 7 days

    'Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.' Ernest Hemingway


  • apple_muncher
    apple_muncher Posts: 14,701 Forumite
    First Anniversary Mortgage-free Glee! First Post Name Dropper
    How was the life coaching meeting? I bet London was sweltering and full of police / guards / or at least a gazillion barriers in readiness for Sunday...
    NST March lion #8; NSD ; MFW9/3/23 Whoop Whoop!!!
  • Watty1
    Watty1 Posts: 4,883 Forumite
    Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Post First Anniversary
    The life coach was/is very challenging. Bit of a hard look at myself. Doing the homework she has suggested. Certainly made me very reflective of what is going on in the house and after a week of doing the homework she left me with I have concluded that Mr Watty certainly mentally ill. But that can't be used as an excuse for his behaviour which has been and continues to be very poor.

    Working with lifecoach I can see that gradually over time I will come to know myself better, and define what I want to do. No big sweeping changes just small steps.
    Yesterday I stuck a few stickies on my desk which read "avoid trying to prove your point" and "his agenda is to be right and make me wrong" Reached those after listening to a few podcasts recommended by life coach. Reading a book she recommended too. And doing some of the things she suggested. Fitting it all in is a challenge now!
    Made it to mortgage free but what a muddle that became

    In the event the proverbial hits the fan then co-habitees are better stashing their cash than being mortgage free !!
  • Karmacat
    Karmacat Posts: 39,460 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Sounds really good, Watty. And lets face it, if its going to enable you to dig yourself out of the hole you're in, it *has* to be challenging, I'm afraid. Reflectiveness, and taking small steps, both sound really good. Fit in what you can - it's not an exam, remember, it has to go at your pace to be any use.
    Thinking of you.
    2023: the year I get to buy a car
  • apple_muncher
    apple_muncher Posts: 14,701 Forumite
    First Anniversary Mortgage-free Glee! First Post Name Dropper
    Oh wow, that is challenging stuff. Sounds like the life coach is fantastic.


    Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?
    NST March lion #8; NSD ; MFW9/3/23 Whoop Whoop!!!
  • Watty1
    Watty1 Posts: 4,883 Forumite
    Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Post First Anniversary
    Just popped in to catch up with a few diaries. Still very messed up here. Trying hard. Aware my own mental health is now beginning to suffer. Have agreed with Mr Watty to see a counsellor together next week.
    But she will really have to pull something out of the bag. Mr Watty wants to go but has no committment to this relationship. He says he wants to learn to talk to me. But he also wants us to part. Yet he doesn't want to leave. He is just very very messed up.
    As for me I am seeing I am at the end of what I can cope with now. Ive agreed to do the counselling thing ... but... there are huge buts now for me.
    Made it to mortgage free but what a muddle that became

    In the event the proverbial hits the fan then co-habitees are better stashing their cash than being mortgage free !!
  • Karmacat
    Karmacat Posts: 39,460 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    That sounds very, very rough, Watty, and I'm so sorry that your own mental health is suffering too now :(



    A couples counsellor could well be a really good idea - though please check what their training is, and what experience they've had since then. I'm aware of a few people with very high levels of qualifications in counselling individuals, who simply decide to add couples counselling as a string to their bow, without taking any extra training, and the dynamics are really different.


    Something else I need to say, and I hope it doesn't upset you too much. I was taught that the aim of couples counselling isn't necessarily to get people to get back together. The aim is to clarify what both people want, and if their wants are incompatible, to help things progress as they need to, with as much ease and honesty and kindness as possible. But doing a rough google just now of couples counsellors, thats not what people are advertising.



    So, two things I'd say:
    - have a think, several thinks, about what you want to happen, and what you yourself want from the counselling. How does it fit in with your life coach if you're still going to the coaching, or what you learned from the life coach, at any rate?
    - and a mundane one - what's the rate charged, who and how will you pay?


    Don't answer on here, this is all really private stuff. And if you want me to delete this post, I will. I'm on planned absence from mse from Friday, for a couple of weeks, but I'll do it as soon as I can.


    All the best.
    2023: the year I get to buy a car
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